OP in /r/relationships finds out their woman partner has a penis, and is uncomfortable with this. Surely this will generate exactly zero drama... (np.reddit.com)
SubredditDrama
65 ups - 22 downs = 43 votes
98 comments submitted at 08:18:11 on Jan 3, 2014 by cheese93007
I don't think it makes you an ass for waiting to tell something like that. Trans people have to deal with a real worry that someone will react violently when finding out they're trans (Here's some hate crime stats .pdf link), so waiting to tell someone to see if it's worth the risk and gauge how they'll react makes sense. Plus, she may have also been hoping that the guy would get to know her and possibly see past her genitals
In any case, info about your genitals is really personal information, and do you honestly expect someone to have revealed all their deep secrets and potential deal breakers three months in?
>potential deal breakers three months in?
This is going to be a deal breaker for the majority of people. It's definitely something that should come up before any sexual activity starts.
I absolutely agree it should be discussed before sex, but there are reasons to wait a bit before telling someone instead of saying it right when you meet someone
You seriously don't think 3 months is a long time? You seriously don't see this as manipulative? The time invested created a bond, and she waited to reveal information that she knew would cause her partner turmoil. I think that is a very shitty thing to do.
Their point was, I think, that it can really be (physically) unsafe to reveal that you are trans to someone who you just don't know/can't trust that well. Something that's easily overlooked by anyone who hasn't been in that position.
I dunno.. Maybe I'm some sort of loose whore, but I feel like I would have found myself in a situation to have seen those genitals by the 3 month mark. I understand not everybody is doin' the nasty 3 months in, but I would say that's a very real possibility.
Then what? Does she talk to him about it first? Just surprise him during intimacy?
As an adult if somebody tells me they are three months into a relationship and they haven't seen the other person naked I would think at least one of them is a prude. You're no whore because you think you'd find yourself in a situation to see the other person naked within three months of a relationship. This typically happens within three weeks of a relationship.
Well definitely talk about it first. All I was trying to say is that there are legit reasons to wait to reveal that info and that waiting doesn't make you an asshole
But for those ''tricked'' and ''deceived'' cis bros only their peen feels counts so all of that you cited are obviously not good ''reasons''.
you're calling about half of humanity, including the man who impregnated your mom, "cis-bros". does that make you cool or something?
Nah man it's all good. We all know that those "cis" and "peen" feels don't belong in a, potentially, sexual relationship between two partners who should mutually respect each other and their feelings. Fucking douchbro peen feels have no place in anyone's love life.
I really get that they need to be careful, but that doesn't mean OP doesn't get to be pissed for wasting his time and being "lied" to.
Three months is a while, holding something back may make sense to her but the repercussions are just as rational.
I'd hope by three months you would know someone well enough to let them in on potential deal breakers. Otherwise when are you revealing them. A year? Two? When it'd be really shitty to do so.
Personally I'd be annoyed not knowing that for three months and I'm the kind to be able to look past it. Of course I also don't think she was holding it back to be malicious.
>I also don't think she was holding it back to be malicious.
I agree. She was being selfish. Three months is absolutely absurd. I would be furious. A penis is a deal breaker for me, and the vast majority of all straight guys the same way a vagina is a deal breaker for the vast majority of straight women. I find that knowing what set of genitals a person has is pretty much numero uno on my list of things to know immediately about another person when I might be interested in them as more than friends.
"See past her genitals"
I know on tumblr this kind of talk makes sense. But here in the real world, sexual preference DOES real, and three months of thinking you're dating someone who has the reproductive parts you're attracted to when that's not the case is not cool.
And saying "well trans people are afraid of violence so that's why they hide their biological sex" is a pretty selfish excuse. If I heard someone use that crap to defend a lie by omission I'd feel really insulted. It means the person I was dating thought I might be that kind of guy. I get from their end the possibility of being hurt is real and frightening, but if you go on dates with someone and keep a secret like that for months because of that fear, you have no business being in the dating market. Just because there are some assholes out there who would beat a trans person doesn't mean trans people should be so afraid of all potential partners that they take months to a disclose a pretty damn important piece of information.
You can say people should "look past genitalia" all day long, but nothing is going to make me like a sexual encounter with a penis, and sexual gratification is a damn important part of a relationship for non-SJWs.
You had me until single Jewish woman.
Well, you know how they are! It's all "oi vey" and "maseltov" with them!
(I don't know anything about single Jewish women, but I hide it pretty well, right?)
> And saying "well trans people are afraid of violence so that's why they hide their biological sex" is a pretty selfish excuse.
So, your feels are more important than their life? Damn, bro.
Three months in? Yeah, that makes it a pretty selfish excuse, in my opinion.
-22 within an hour.. This is going to end up in /r/subredditdramadrama