/r/feminisms debates anal sex (self.SubredditDrama)
SubredditDrama
211 ups - 0 downs = 211 votes
Original comment: http://www.np.reddit.com/r/feminisms/comments/2djqm4/analsexoftenpainfulriskyandcoercive/cjq4h9l
The top comment by /u/Dezideria >Well of course...I don't think anyone in their right mind would say otherwise. Just because it works for some women it doesn't mean it should happen. Also, a lot of the women who "enjoy" having anal sex never seem to mention that they need enemas, that they get hemorrhoids and have trouble ...not pooping when need be.
>I am not judging, to each his/her own, but let's not be deluded. Honestly, every time I had a guy ask me to try anal sex, I asked him to turn around and we'll try on him. You want to know their reaction? Same as you should have it as a woman.
>P.S. - By the ratio of upvotes/downvotes to some of the comments around here one can tell who is getting it up the ass.
The content of a (mod deleted) reply by /u/aprilpops is >Plenty of women "enjoy" having anal sex, and there's nothing wrong with that. Drop the sex negative rhetoric, and stop arrogantly presuming to know what other women should do. I've engaged in regular anal sex with a male partner, and have never had hemorrhoids. The reason enemas are useful is for cleanliness purposes, it makes it more fun and relaxed. Last I remember, there was no scientifically conclusive evidence that enemas are actually bad for you. If men are being coercive about it, that's horrible, but as long as it's safe and totally consensual, there's really no harm.
364 comments submitted at 20:06:25 on Aug 14, 2014 by Paul-ish
Oh boy...
> Just because it works for some women it doesn't mean it should happen.
>I am not judging
Yes, yes you are judging. Also, since when do you need an enema to have anal sex?
>How is it not abnormal? How is it not demeaning?
Because loving, consensual sex is a great affirmation and is, by definition, not demeaning? Anal sex that you don't want to have but do anyway, that's demeaning--it's also a communication issue that needs to be addressed between partners. I think there are people in that thread grossed out by it and trying to justify their disgust by over-intellectualizing it all.
Exactly.
"Ewww... oh wait, I can't just think that's gross. There must be a reason. I know! Its unnatural and demeaning and everyone expects it all the time! I feel better now."
Once again, the children think we need to have codified rules for all social interaction. People can't just have their own preferences.
Uh no. The actual study found "Anal heterosex often appeared to be painful, risky and coercive, particularly for women."
In 16 to 18 year olds.
Do you think women's assholes change after age 18? Or are you going to give me some bullshit about how women just need to relax and they'll enjoy it, because that's exactly what the linked article says is used to push women into anal sex they don't enjoy.
I'm fine with any consensual sex act two people are into, but IME it is a minority of women who are into anal sex but an increasing expectation that hetero couples should be having anal sex.
I'm implying older people are more mature. Women are more confident in saying "no". Men are more considerate of their partners.
What I'm trying to get at is that the study should consider the all sex acts and ages, not just anal. I wouldn't be surprised if such a study got similar results for PIV sex at those ages. I've heard countless stories on reddit of (young) men hammering away at women's vags. This isn't a butthole specific issue.
tl;dr: I suspect sex in general gets better with age.
Plus, the older you are, generally the more non-porn sexual experience you have. Porn usually is like OH YEAH SPIT. SPIT IS TOTALLY ENOUGH AND YOU CAN RAM IT IN THATS FINE when uh... no. Two teenage recently not virgins may not know that's wrong, and a younger woman may think that her discomfort is normal and anal is supposed to hurt (and from what I've heard, if you are doing it correctly its not) but more experienced people would know that is WAY off the mark. So thats probably part of the issue. Sex doesn't really have a handbook and if your main source of information is media... yeah its going to suck for everyone for a while.
>tl;dr: I suspect sex in general gets better with age.
If you communicate with your partner, it does.
The thing is, I'm a grown woman and I hear more now about guys pushing for anal than I did in the early 00s.
Now that isn't scientific fact, but I think it is an issue. More so that a guy jack hammering.
And I get a little tired of the idea that sex positive is supposed to mean up for everything. It isn't, it is supposed to mean accepting of what people choose to do.
You have a problem with coercion, not anal sex... absolutely everything you said has nothing to do with anal specifically. Did you know it's possible for girls to experience pain during and be coerced into vaginal sex as well? It appears you want to bring feminism back to the 1970s so you might as well call all sex demeaning for that authentic 1970s experience.
I never said I had a problem with anal sex. Actually if you look up, I wrote:
>I'm fine with any consensual sex act two people are into, but IME it is a minority of women who are into anal sex but an increasing expectation that hetero couples should be having anal sex.
Of course. Anal sex is considered more normal, and more people want to try it than before. When a sex act becomes popular, those who want to coerce proportionally rise as well. But they are still separate issues.
If there's no coercion, who cares? It's been like this with oral forever.
Women's assholes might not but people's attitudes certainly do. The main point of the study is that 16-18 year old girls feel coerced into anal sex, yet that age group is decidedly young, where most people still view them as legally children and not old enough to legally have sex yet. Do you think the attitudes of these teen relationships are going to be indicative of relationships between much older couples?
>Women's assholes might not but people's attitudes certainly do
/r/nocontext maybe?
I think people's social skills get better as they get older, but I've totally noticed a rise in guys who expect anal activities over the last ten years. I'm sure teens are worse at this sort of thing, but I don't think it is totally aged based.
If someone wants you to do something you aren't comfortable with the simply tell them no. If they keep pushing it then don't see them anymore. This isn't rocket science. You sound like some 60 year old divorced man who is shocked to find out women these days want him to go down on them.
Because it takes time to figure out what you enjoy sexually? There are a lot of guys who don't get into anal stimulation until they experiment a bit with it as they get older (and some of them don't like it, just like some women don't like it, but people need time to figure out their bodies and what they like).
But if you read the study, female pleasure is really undervalued. They're not talking about people who try it out of curiosity so much as young women feeling pushed into it.
Yes, I read the study--the issue here is that you can't generalize those specific results to women in general. When you write "Do you think women's assholes change after age 18?" it really sounds like you are making population-wide assumptions.
I think there is more pressure for anal than there was 10 years ago. The results of one study of 130 people isn't automatically generalizable, but it isn't automatically a function of age or population either.
Oh, there is definitely more pressure now than 10 years ago, and I think the study makes an interesting observation about the influence of mainstream porn on expectations regarding anal sex. But there are women who enjoy anal sex and they should be able to explore that without being told it's oppressive by its very nature (again, this is related to the thread, not the study).
So you're claiming women's assholes are different than gay male assholes (and the tons of straight guys who also enjoy receiving anal play)? This whole argument is homophobic as fuck whether you realize it or not.
Women's assholes are different than men's assholes- women don't have a prostate.
That doesn't mean women can't enjoy anal sex, but there are different biological differences between a male and female receptive partner in anal sex.
Can't women have their g-spot stimulated with anal?
There a ton of nerve endings that can feel really good when stimulated and there's also this feeling of "fullness" that can be pretty intense.
The g spot is at the front of the vagina, not the back. It is by the urethra.
That's not homophobic
Oh sorry, I forgot that often means always.
I know where I am and all, but the whole "eww... I just can't think it is gross" ignores the actual study which is all about how women feel pressured into anal sex they don't enjoy. The study literally says a big problem is that guys expect it.
That doesn't mean there aren't any straight women who enjoy anal sex, but dismissing it as sex negative is childish.
The study was done with ONLY 16-18 year olds. At that age, hell yes anal sex is coercive. But when people grow up a bit, things get much more civil and people fall into doing things that they like doing instead of what they feel pressured into doing.
Additionally, the study was of only 130 16-18 year olds in England. It is foolish and naive to believe that this study somehow applies to all ages and all cultures. Its ignorant, plain and simple.
Stop trying to justify not liking a particular sexual act.
I understand the limitations of the study. What I'm saying is that it reflects what I've noticed in real life.
>Stop trying to justify not liking a particular sexual act.
Huh? Why would anyone need to justify not liking a particular sex act?
I think the issue here is that you wrote "women" when the sample was small and limited and not generalizable. They don't note the power of the sample in the study, but 130 is a bit of a piss in the ocean, and the age range is limited. I think it is more productive to focus on the reasons these young women had for engaging in anal sex when they didn't enjoy it as opposed to using it as a platform for demonizing anal sex (which is what was happening in the thread).
The study uses the term women. I quoted from the study. And of course it is limited, generalizability is more complicated than sample size though.
>I think it is more productive to focus on the reasons these young women had for engaging in anal sex when they didn't enjoy it as opposed to using it as a platform for demonizing anal sex
I totally agree that it is more productive to focus on the reasons why these young women are engaging in a sex act they don't enjoy. The linked comment did demonize anal sex, but I don't think I am. Instead I'm having a lot of back and forth with people (I would assume guys) who are shocked that I think the study is getting at the fact that there is a greater expectation of anal sex among men in general.
> The linked comment did demonize anal sex, but I don't think I am.
I recognize that, which is why I specified that it was in the thread, not in your comments (not trying to attack here, no worries). While I know the study uses the term "women" I think it's more accurate to refer to "the women in the study" as opposed to "women," because I suspect if you sampled older women you'd get different results (not to mention in different regions, different social and religious backgrounds, and any other number of important factors).
I'm interested in how old you are. Because if you're in high school and this is the behavior you're noticing, I understand your reaction. Your perception is limited.
As people age, they become more mentally and emotionally mature. Especially once they get out of the hormone fueled teenage years. Women have an easier time saying no if they don't want to do something. Couples communicate better. Men are more understanding. Things seem so black and white when you're young. Life isn't like that.
Well, I like to be vague with details on the internet but I'm a grown up and I've noticed way more friends complaining about guys pushing for anal sex and anal play over the last five years or so. I didn't hear a story of a guy just trying to randomly stick a finger up a girl's ass until the late 00s. And I've heard that story repeatedly about grown men. Circa the early 00s what I heard was guys asking about anal and if the girl was interested making a plan. I never heard of a casual sex partner bringing it up, never mind just randomly trying.
Now that's all just my experience. But I'm not at all surprised by the survey results.
>I'm not at all surprised by the survey results.
I see that confirmation bias is a topic that you've never bothered to look into. You also seemed to miss that most women are not 16-18 or living in the UK.
I hope you learned something here.
People like you make me pity heteros.
God it's good to be a queer, buttfucking all day every day!