Drama in /r/relationships about a woman who isn't interested in having sex with her husband and says she couldn't handle him having sex with someone else. OP downvoted to -94. (np.reddit.com)
SubredditDrama
229 ups - 0 downs = 229 votes
411 comments submitted at 19:03:15 on Jul 16, 2014 by potato1
he's right though. marriage is for suckers.
Tell us more. I feel like you have a wealth of knowledge to unload on us here.
Sure.
In several developed countries, paternity tests are illegal unless the mother of the child wants it. In the same countries, if you're married you're by default the legal father, and since it's illegal to find out whether you are the biological dad or not, you have no way to dispute it.
However, if you are unmarried, she (and the government, who wants you to pay so they don't have to) has to prove that you are the father: now suddenly it's illegal not to take a paternity test.
Conclusion: If you wanna be sure you are the father, the only option is to stay unmarried.
Or don't marry the type of person who you suspect would get impregnated by another guy and lie to you about it?
>Or don't marry the type of person who you suspect would get impregnated by another guy and lie to you about it?
Oh, there's your problem. You think women are people. The Red Pill stops this silly type of thinking right in its tracks.
lol at what point did i imply women weren't people?
women being people doesn't imply women being perfect pure-hearted innocent perpetual victims, as you seem to think.
> lol at what point did i imply women weren't people?
Right around when you started buying into red pill bullshit.
so it's just about some imaginary stereotype in your head? and something that somebody else has said somewhere else also made you think of that stereotype, so you confuse me with them?
No, son. It's about how TRP is extremely well known for being a cesspool of misogyny, hatred, and aggression toward women, and how the moderators and most popular contributors have been shown multiple times to be hateful machildren who sincerely think women are beneath them. Many flat-out admit they hate women, many have admitted to rape (although they insist it doesn't count as rape because reasons), and it's pretty common for them to trade dog-training tips in regards to how to train their girlfriends. Many advocate lowering the age of consent so they can fuck teenagers (legally, since Iwouldn't be surprised if many of them already do anyway) and encourage one another to date as young as legally possible, so they can "train" their girlfriends more easily. It's far from imaginary, and it's the kind of group you've decided to align yourself with.
what's the connection between me and TRP? your pattern-matching is all messed up yo
nothing of your examples has anything to do with me.
But then how can he blame women for his problems??
i have no problems, in part thanks to not listening to creeps like you.
friends of mine who were on my level just 5 years ago are having problems though. they didn't take the same precautions, which nowadays should be common sense to any good man.
you have tons of problems, in fact your comments are screaming of insecurity which is a big one right there~! didnt have to go far for that one
pretty sure that's mostly psychological projection on your end, bro :)
big words dont make you sound smart :)
that doesn't make them less true
is that also your solution to domestic violence: just don't marry someone who you suspect will become violent?
that should solve it. great work, insomniacgamer!
It wouldn't prevent all bad situations, but honestly, yeah. When you're dating someone, you need to be VERY honest with yourself on what kind of person they are. And you can't just say "Oh, they were kind of a dick the other day but hey! Sex is awesome and I enjoy most of our time together, I can deal with it." You can't ignore red flags and you can't go into the relationship trying to change the other person.
I think friends should play a big role in this too. You should ask your friends their honest opinion on your SO and don't let them get away with a non-answer. They can see things that you might miss. They can likely see things that the person who is inside the relationship is too close to see. You as a person should also be fair to your friends and not hold their opinions against them if you disagree.
>It wouldn't prevent all bad situations, but honestly, yeah.
so why "yeah?"
my advice does prevent all bad situations. What's the upside for a guy to getting married?
Logically, none. But emotionally, there is upside. I know I'm being silly/naive here, but I think ceremonies that honor a commitment/accomplishment are VERY important to some people.
When I graduated college, I would have gotten my degree whether I walked across the stage or not. But in walking, I got a lot of memories, a lot of pictures, and an immediate sense of pride that my college years had paid off. I didn't even get my paper diploma at the time since grades hadn't gone through. I think the formality of marriage still has a place in today's increasingly secular world.
There are logical reasons for getting married, not all of them are "nice" reasons, but they are logical.
Political/monetary gain aren't "nice" reasons, but I'd imagine it's easier to get elected when you get to portray that whole "family man" image vs the guy who has children outside of wedlock.
Legal benefits: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RightsandresponsibilitiesofmarriagesintheUnitedStates
Immigration: if you are lower class/unskilled worker it's much harder to immigrate to your SO's country to live AND work without a marriage visa.
Monetary reasons wouldn't have worked with this guy since he'd just say you're on the hook for half your stuff if you get divorced. And for the average person, the political reasons don't really apply. But that's true that historically, political marriages are a thing.
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it's a nice tradition. but considering the risks involved: not worth it IMHO.
Agree to disagree
> the type of person who you suspect would get impregnated by another guy and lie to you about it
You mean any and all females?
No no no dude, they're all victims all the time....
You have sources for those claims?
Of course he doesn't
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentaltesting#Legalissues
What a weak fucking argument. The vast majority of countries under the legality section have very loose laws about conducting paternity tests, and the one or two that have stricter laws still have pretty easy avenues to get them done. Give me a fucking break.
At the very least: France, Germany, Israel. But similarly for others that aren't mentioned there.
Or you could just not marry someone who will cheat on you and follows safe and healthy family planning methods instead of assuming we are all spermjacking, awful sluts trying to pin you with our spawn
Technically speaking the safest way to live life is to assume everyone is the worst they can possibly be. Remember how much fun feminists had mocking "not all men"? How about they just stop assuming all men are rapists? Oh wait, of course they fucking won't. So neither will this guy stop assuming all women are out to gut him, because any excuse to hate people is good enough, even if it's nothing but bigotry.
But I don't assume women are out to get me, I assume the law and culture are designed to encourage and reward shitty behavior.
If slapping someone was rewarded with $20k, there would be a lot more slapping in the world. Our culture and family law rewards shitty behavior with much higher sums, and getting married is one way to unnecessarily expose yourself to harm, there's no upside.
#notallwomen
I don't even assume anything about women, just about the legal and cultural environment.
what's the upside to getting married?
why should an attractive, successful man marry in today's culture?
Because they love someone? It's really as simple as that. The upside is that they get to share in an intimate relationship with someone that they are in love with. Maybe raise a family. Live through and share both the highs and lows of life with someone. Getting married isn't based on some cost benefit analysis. I know that you don't get that because apparently the number of potential sexual partners and a paranoia of having a kid shoved into your life rules your thought process, but this appeals to a lot of people. A lot of people that happen to be very happy.
You also can get tax breaks and shared health insurance.
That's true, for some people it makes sense from a tax perspective. also in some countries, if you die, your spouse gets benefits, like state pensions, that a mere lifelong SO doesn't get.
But there isn't really much to marriage besides symbolism and tradition. And financial benefits in some countries.
And those things mean a lot to some people, and that's ok. And to some people it means jack shit, and they're perfectly happy living in a committed, long term relationship without marriage, and that's ok too.
I'm just saying that marriage isn't worthless bullshit designed to help women trick men into raising a kid. Nor is it something that attractive and wealthy men should find unappealing because they are attractive and wealthy and would do well in the dating market for longer than most others. That's just plain dumb.
I also don't think that it's bullshit and I absolutely respect people who marry or wish to marry. But I also have the feeling that many people do it just because it's the normal thing to do, and sometimes end up in a bad place.
Edit: Also, all the things you mentioned in your original post can be experienced outside of marriage, too.
God, you guys, I swear. I literally said in my comment right above yours right here that living outside of marriage in a relationship is awesome if that's what they decide is right for them. And my original comment didn't mention that because I was specifically responding to some apparent sex god that thinks marriage is always bullshit and a trap.
With the Edit I kind of wanted to clarify, why I wrote my first comment. Whatever, I think our opinions are actually not too different.
i wonder if you realize that marriage neither causes nor requires love, and love neither cause nor requires marriage... in fact, love is more authentic without.
i know quite a few couples who have been living together for decades, without being married or planning to marry.
I literally just told some other guy that if a couple prefers living together in a long term, committed relationship without marriage that it's totally cool. I'm not saying that literally every couple that loves each other needs to get married, I'm just responding to your chucklefuck claim that marriage is stupid and worthless and a trap.
> love is more authentic without
Fucking how? Who the hell are you, Captain Alpha, to tell people that the way they choose to express their love for someone and order their life is less authentic?
> your chucklefuck claim that marriage is stupid and worthless and a trap.
how is it not? i'm still waiting for something in favor of marriage.
And I can tell you exactly why it's less authentic: because the "love" is partially enforced by a legal structure.
I told you why it's not, and I also told you why I knew you'd reject it. I don't give a fuck about your preconceived nonsense about the nature of women, or cherry picked and inaccurate stats. You just want to thump your chest and I am not interested in trudging though your shit anymore. You have failed to say anything compelling and have simply fallen back on "use my own standards to show me why marriage is ok. I will accept nothing but my own thoughts."
The love is enforced by a legal structure, but that does not invalidate it on any level.
I'm sure you are very busy telling women they would be prettier in the face if they lost a few pounds while you strut around the bar holding a whiskey you can barely sip on, unbuttoning a new button every ten minutes to better expose your pencil mark chest hair, so I'll let you go.
and aside from your bullshit misogyny accusations:
>The love is enforced by a legal structure, but that does not invalidate it on any level.
not necessarily. but it kinda puts it into question.
>I'm sure you are very busy telling women they would be prettier in the face if they lost a few pounds while you strut around the bar holding a whiskey you can barely sip on, unbuttoning a new button every ten minutes to better expose your pencil mark chest hair, so I'll let you go.
lmfao. that's exactly what I'm doing right now!! struttin' around with my "pencil mark chest hair" out, insulting fatties at the bar, makes perfect sense. how did you know?
> nature of women,
i've said nothing about the "nature of women."
if slapping people was rewarded with $20k each time, there would be a lot more slapping going on in the world.
paternity fraud is rewarded with $200k. this has nothing to do with women being worse people than men, it's all about stupid legal and cultural incentives.
I know more couples who've been happily married for decades. I also know a guy who ate his own vomit once for a bet. What's your point? Plenty of people decide not to get married and live a perfectly happy life. The problem with you RP freaks is that you make blankets statements because you've got an agenda.
But you're just an SRD troll anyhow. Not even any use in replying.
RP? lol
Yes. lol
lol, based on what?
lol cuz feminisms!1!!11!
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> a paranoia of having a kid shoved into your life
only 2.5% of legal fathers are cuckolds, and i don't think i'm the kind of guy who is most at risk for this.
it was just one example why marriage is a bad deal for guys in general. I thought this example appeals more to the social justice neckbeards here who keep arguing in favor of marriage, because those are the typical victims of paternity fraud: hard-working sexually less-attractive provider types who love their wife more than she loves them.
ALPHA INTENSIFIES
Hey, bruh, on a scale of 1-Hugh Jackman, how jacked and rich are you? Post pics, dawg, unless you're a feminized beta.
lol sure
That's what I thought.
Ugh god it's like I'm really in elementary school.
can't think of another reason why someone wouldn't want to give pictures of himself to a gaggle of angry SJWs?
Because they and most everyone else have already seen them, and they're hilarious?
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Why do you confine love, happiness, and family-raising into the paradigm of this certain religious ceremony? Are those things not just as possible without a ritual that, given the rate of divorce in this country, has become practically meaningless as a measure of stability? Not saying I'm anti-divorce, but the reality is that once divorce is introduced, you've pretty much destroyed any stability that marriage had to offer. "Till death do us part" has become a crapshoot. At this point, the only benefits are certain tax breaks and visitation rights, but that's assuming you have children.
> why should an attractive, successful man marry in today's culture?
lol. i'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're neither successful nor attractive.
lol believe what you want about me, if it makes it easier for you to cope with question:
why should an attractive, successful man marry in today's culture?
(this is about any such man, not just me)
> lol believe what you want about me
yeah, i believe you're unattractive, unsuccessful, non-confident, and bitter.
Leaving aside that what you've said has shit all to do with anything, why in the fuck do you think anyone gives a single shit what you think?
> Leaving aside that what you've said has shit all to do with anything, why in the fuck do you think anyone gives a single shit what you think?
lol. i'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're neither successful nor attractive.
I'll admit I was a complete idiot for fooling myself into believing I could get you to think about the stupidity you type for five seconds.
> I'll admit I ~~was~~ am a complete idiot
i agree to that
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ok, so while you're assuming that,
why should an attractive, successful man marry in today's culture?
that's good advice for everyone. still avoiding the question though.
3. maintain frame
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And whatever it is you're doing here, that isn't for suckers at all
Odds on Puck?
Like 100%
Well, yeah...
There are suckers, and then there's that guy. If there ever were someone that needed to take the advice "hit the gym"...
nope, sorry :)
there's more than one person who thinks marriage is for suckers and that people should shave their armpits.
lolwat
Well, then, I'm super glad that religious bigots have taken that option off the table for me and my girlfriend! Saves us the trouble of misandering each other out of all our monies.
Phew.
Does anyone know the address of the National Organization for Marriage? I need to send them a thank you card.
>Well, then, I'm super glad that religious bigots have taken that option off the table for me and my girlfriend!
i guess so.
though many of the legal and cultural double standards disappear when both partners are of the same gender, marriage would be more advantageous to you and your gf than to an oppressive cishet couple.