People who proposed and where told 'no'. What happened next? (self.AskReddit)

4071 ups - 2476 downs = 1595 votes

3885 comments submitted at 11:26:43 on Apr 21, 2013 by fisham

  • [-]
  • ArchangelleTheRapist
  • 145 Points
  • 14:17:29, 21 April

I said, " It saddens me that you feel that way. Thank you for the three wonderful years."

Then I packed my shit and left.

  • [-]
  • safetravels
  • 36 Points
  • 14:47:51, 21 April

You didn't ask why? You just walked out on a wonderful three year relationship? It couldn't have been that wonderful if not being legally bound was a dealbreaker. What's the story here?

edit: just read your reply to suplerfly, you're as immature as I suspected. Your idea of relationships is wholly unrealistic, impractical and unlikely to achieve what you want it to anyway. I doubt things will work out for you unless you change your approach.

  • [-]
  • SUPLERFLY
  • 49 Points
  • 14:49:42, 21 April

I might be drunkenly jumping the gun here, but that seems oddly immature.

  • [-]
  • ArchangelleTheRapist
  • -2 Points
  • 15:20:06, 21 April

It had been three years, of which, we had been living together for 2 years and 10 months. From my perspective, her saying no was indicative of a breakdown in communication so pervasive that, at that point, there was no relationship. Also, it wasn't a, "not now" or, "I'm not ready," just a flat no.

I told her from the start that I was in it to win it, that I would only ever ask her once and that she could end the relationship at any time by telling me that she didn't want to marry me.

  • [-]
  • CarolineTurpentine
  • 19 Points
  • 15:36:13, 21 April

It sounds like to both jumped the gun with the relationship. How old were you?

Your last sentence is immature. You can't make plans like that and expect it to work out in your favour. If her not being ready for marriage at the same time as you was a deal breaker you weren't really in love.

  • [-]
  • ArchangelleTheRapist
  • -15 Points
  • 15:57:01, 21 April

I was 27, she was 23.

And, I was madly in love with her but I told her, again, early on, that I would only ask once. I'm not ready would have been an acceptable answer and we would still be together. No was not acceptable.

  • [-]
  • CarolineTurpentine
  • 16 Points
  • 16:06:15, 21 April

You expected a 23 year old to be ready for marriage? Your handling of the whole situation makes me think you weren't ready for marriage either. Just being in love doesn't mean you're ready to commit to each other for life.

The way you are describing this proposal and your whole handling of it makes you sound like a douche. "I told her I'd only ask once" tht is not how you approach something as meaningful as a marriage. You have to discuss it and all of the implications that come with it. A marriage proposal should never be a surprise. If you can walk away from a three year relationship with someone who you claim to be madly in love with because they said they won't marry you (keeping in mind that this girl is 23 years old and shouldn't be even thinking of getting married for several more years) then I sincerely doubt you were truly in love with her because true love doesn't just walk away when they get an answer they didn't want to hear. It sounds like you were more in love with the idea of being married to her than you were with her.

  • [-]
  • ArchangelleTheRapist
  • 1 Points
  • 16:41:30, 21 April

You act as though we didn't discuss marriage - we discussed it quite often.

  • [-]
  • CarolineTurpentine
  • 1 Points
  • 16:49:59, 21 April

It really doesn't sound like you did.

  • [-]
  • ChappatiMan
  • 8 Points
  • 16:01:39, 21 April

Wow...you sound like an angry three year old who wants a pack of sweets...

  • [-]
  • bonersandcakes
  • 10 Points
  • 16:04:20, 21 April

Or a sociopath. "No was not acceptable" is so firmly robotic that I can understand why she said no.

  • [-]
  • ArchangelleTheRapist
  • -7 Points
  • 16:12:46, 21 April

Or I have principles and stick to them - she wanted to go off and be a party girl for another few years, I was, and still am ready to settle down. And for better or for worse, it's in the past and while living in the past is pointless, learning from the past is the only way to grow.

Edit: Also, beepboop what are feelings.

  • [-]
  • bonersandcakes
  • 4 Points
  • 16:17:26, 21 April

Compromising and loving are also ways to grow, also feeling pain and being vulnerable, trying new ways of living, or creating something new.

Actually, learning from the past is the worst of those when it comes to relationships. The variables change so much that without good communication you might not realize how different things have become. Learning from the past is good with science and diplomacy but you have to leave the clinical uber-principled outlook at the door when it comes to people. We just aren't set in stone.

  • [-]
  • CarolineTurpentine
  • 4 Points
  • 16:24:50, 21 April

Relationships are about compromise, not rigid principles.

I can see why she wanted to be a party girl for a few more years. She's 23, you can't expect her to be ready to settle down at the same time as you when you're clearly in another stage of life. You still seem to be more in love with the idea of marriage than actually ready to get married. You still have some growing up to do, and you won't be happy until you do it.

  • [-]
  • MrGestore
  • 8 Points
  • 15:49:54, 21 April

That is just some immature shit, man... Maybe I have not enough evidences, but from what you wrote it appears so.

  • [-]
  • SuperSmashBrother
  • 2 Points
  • 16:32:41, 21 April

Such a fool.

  • [-]
  • lurkingmuffin
  • 13 Points
  • 15:03:42, 21 April

Why does it seem like marriage proposals become a literal game of "Deal or No Deal" ... There's probably something seriously wrong with the relationship if you want to marry the person one minute and then the next you're packing your bags.

  • [-]
  • BumDarts
  • 15 Points
  • 14:46:53, 21 April

personally, i wound't wanna marry a rapist either

  • [-]
  • treecko4ubers
  • 4 Points
  • 14:47:36, 21 April

Just like that? Was it a "No, I'm not ready" or a "No, I don't see you as someone I could marry"?

  • [-]
  • Freckleears
  • 1 Points
  • 15:14:25, 21 April

I wasn't proposed to but I lived with ex and her family for four months and they were adamant that her and I were perfect and should start a family. We were going out for 2.5 years and lived together for 2.

I got the fuck out of Dodge. I wasn't ready for that.

And I meant persistent. At least 3 times a week one of the family members would say something about marriage or a family.

  • [-]
  • manimal7
  • 1 Points
  • 15:35:45, 21 April

I would like to think this is the way is react but I'd wish I could stay together like so many of the other comments above.

  • [-]
  • caroline_
  • 1 Points
  • 15:58:19, 21 April

:(

  • [-]
  • Blackstream
  • 1 Points
  • 16:13:22, 21 April

I'm going to have to back everyone else up here, that's on you. If you really had 3 wonderful years, yet you proposed clearly without discussing the idea of marriage with her first, you're the one who fucked up here. I'm not even saying you shouldn't have proposed (although you probably shouldn't have), but it's your fault for not talking it over with her first that she said no, and for YOU to be the the one to end the relationship cold like that is fairly heartless.

  • [-]
  • I_SLEEP_PLENTIFULLY
  • 1 Points
  • 16:37:22, 21 April

Jesus christ, people are getting WAY too butthurt over this. I really don't see how people find this 'immature'. I hope things are going well for you now man.

  • [-]
  • brielem
  • -3 Points
  • 15:00:00, 21 April

classy, but sad way to handle it.

  • [-]
  • Meta-Shadow
  • -2 Points
  • 15:15:38, 21 April

I get the feeling that you are one tough motherfucker. Good luck in life fellow space traveler.

  • [-]
  • CrackTheSkye2013
  • -11 Points
  • 15:01:31, 21 April

Sounds like you handled that the right way. Hope all is better, now.

  • [-]
  • NinjaViking
  • -12 Points
  • 15:00:30, 21 April

Classy as fuck.