We're the only people who are happy right now, Two X day 12 recap (self.SubredditDrama)
SubredditDrama
128 ups - 71 downs = 57 votes
From a thread about a woman who called out her BF on sexism, and was dumped:
Accusing a guy of "gaslighting" is basically the 2X equivalent of "Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym"
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25v7kc/myboyfriendof3yearsbrokeupwithme_because/chl2wjp?context=1 (Also, you guys ever seen that movie? It's a pretty good movie)
"If by "stood up to" she meant "insulting him in front of a crowd and siding with a stranger over him"."
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25v7kc/myboyfriendof3yearsbrokeupwithme_because/chlavu0
"I'm the kinda guy that says whatever the hell I want and if that bothers people its their own problem... Also you're his woman... he shouldnt treat you like that."
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25v7kc/myboyfriendof3yearsbrokeupwithme_because/chl3rew
"If I were a man, I wouldn't have to defend my educational background." "You know this for a fact, right?"
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25slf0/ladieswhatstheworstinstanceofinequality_or/chkvrya
In the midst of all this gender drama you get some good old fashioned military drama.
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25vh6s/firstwomantoassumecommandofb52combatbomb/chl7xf9
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25vh6s/firstwomantoassumecommandofb52combatbomb/chl8ajh
Headline; "Surrogate offered $10,000 to abort special needs baby." Oh boy. I would understand if you wanted to skip this drama. Shit's about to get dark.
"Whilst I agree it's horrible I can't see how suing a penniless single mother whk did what she thought was the right thing for the child would help"
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25vfpy/surrogateoffered10000toabortspecialneeds/chl4n1z
"I'm pretty shocked at the comments in this thread. The right of this woman to control her own body extends to her right to refuse an abortion every bit as much as it extends to her right to choose to have an abortion."
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25vfpy/surrogateoffered10000toabortspecialneeds/chld4l0
"Aborting is emotionally and physically painful enough already without having some lawyer demand it of you. "
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25vfpy/surrogateoffered10000toabortspecialneeds/chle3wx
Also, some one was nice enough to PM me some drama late yesterday, a thread about a woman who knew her friend was falsely accusing someone of rape. Unfortunately, the post was deleted, but you can still read the comments.
http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/25uzxm/imfreakingoutanddontknowwhattodo_trigger/chl463m
98 comments submitted at 15:07:01 on May 19, 2014 by bluemayhem
They do say gaslighting a lot. And it usually is "He called you over emotional/crazy? Gaslighting". It's like they got a word of the day calendar with one word and the wrong definition.
Well, it kind of depends on context. If it's a one-off, a person might just be frustrated, in a bad mood, or being a jerk because they are hungry or wants the argument to just END already or whatever. But if it's a pattern of behavior - if someone dismisses everything someone else says as "PMS" or "emotional" or "hysterical", or if they tell you to "be reasonable" and "calm down" every time you say something off-script...well, that's kind of the definition of gaslighting. It's a pattern of abusive behavior, but a pattern needs to be established before accusations like that are tossed around.
That's not gaslighting, that's being insensitive. Gaslighting is ploy to make someone disbelieve their own memories/perceptions by challenging their recollection of past events. It deals with objective measures plain and simple. Nothing to do with calling someone overemotional, which is a completely subjective thing.
>Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity.
If you're constantly being told you are crazy and hysterical for having opinions, doubts, or objections, that will eventually make you doubt your sanity.
"Really, honey, you are totally paranoid to think I'd be cheating on you. Are you hormonal? Maybe you need to see a therapist."
Dickish thing to say but still not gaslighting. There is no false information presented that would make that gaslighting. It's just an opinion. Gaslighting would be "I wasn't with Beth the other day, we spend the whole day a home don't you remember". Just telling someone they aren't reacting well is not gaslighting.
>By dismissing a woman's behavior or concerns as crazy, we inadvertently take part in a behavior known as "gaslighting." Named for the classic George Cukor movie, gaslighting is a term used by psychologists to describe abusive behavior where a person is made to feel as though their emotions and reactions are irrational, even (dare I say) crazy. By constantly minimizing and dismissing someone's reactions, we make them feel uncomfortable with themselves and cause them to start to doubt their own feelings. If they're being told over and over again that what they're feeling is irrational or unreal, that what they're feeling is somehow out of whack, then they start to accept that maybe it is.
>Even when it's not. Especially when it's not.
>Gaslighting -- minimizing their feelings, reframing them as being unreasonable -- is classic abusive behavior. It's telling someone that they don't have a right to the way they feel because what they're feeling is wrong. Their feelings or their concerns or behavior isn't "rational." Once you take away their right to their feelings, it's that much easier to manipulate a person into the way you want them to behave.
>Labeling women as "crazy" is a way of controlling them. It may not be something planned or pre-meditated, but the ease with which men call women "crazy" says a lot about them. Calling a woman "crazy" is quick and easy shut-down to any discussion. Once the "crazy" card has been pulled out, women are now put on the defensive: The onus is no longer on the man to address her concerns or her issue; it's on her to justify her behavior, to prove that she is not, in fact, crazy or irrational. Men don't even have to provide any sort of argument back -- it's a classic catch-22: "The fact that you don't even see that you're acting crazy is just proof that it's crazy."
You seem to think that gaslighting requires planting or insinuating evidence of falsehood. It doesn't.
For gas lighting to be objective false information has to be used. Otherwise it is entirely dependent on what is and isn't "reasonable" which is broad and subjective.
Without citation that's pretty meaningless, because right now it looks like its from a blog or at best Salon.
you haven't cited a thing you've said
but this was from this article
Yeah I'm good with letting the factual integrity of huff post speak for both of us.
but pronouncements of your own personal opinion about things are holy writ, of course
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But that's still a wrong definition. It's abusive, yes. It's wrong. It's not gaslighting. Read your definition again:
>Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity.
I moved the bold around a little bit. Do you see our point?
We're not arguing that what you're describing is wrong, or abusive, or anything like that. We're arguing the definition of a word.
I'm sorry, though, I'm not going to take advice on a psychological term from a dating advice columnist at huffington post.
If you are telling someone that their perceptions of something are false because they are hormonal and paranoid and crazy, that is gaslighting. The false information is the "you are crazy" part, if you want to be technical.
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