Super mature drama in /r/AdviceAnimals. "This is essentially rape by proxy." is met with "Does that make you retarded by proxy since you made that retarded comment?" (np.reddit.com)
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26 ups - 12 downs = 14 votes
53 comments submitted at 15:37:21 on Apr 4, 2014 by potato1
The amount that people care about cheating has always confused me. I'm gay and I don't know if it's a gay thing or a guy thing or a just me thing. I've never really cared that much. I've never really cheated, but only because I tell guys that I date that if something good presents itself I'm going to do it. None of them seem to care too much.
It's not a gay thing. We're typically cooler with open relationships or threesomes but you're the only asshole who's ok with cheating.
Point though. Is it really cheating if he's OK with it?
The harm in cheating, after all, comes from the wounded feelings, not the act of cheating in and of itself, IMO.
In other words, if your partner is ok with it it's swinging, not cheating, right?
>In other words, if your partner is ok with it it's swinging, not cheating, right?
Exactly...it's swinging, not cheating. He's talking about cheating. He means he's fine with cheating on his boyfriend and his boyfriend should just get over it.
Why is it such a big deal though? I've been cheated on before and gotten jealous, why is it such a huge, relationship ending thing? It shouldn't be that big of a thing.
If you establish yourself as a liar with no self control or regard for my feelings then yeah, relationship over.
No, I'm always honest about it. I have self control and I don't lie about it, but I do sleep around. the last two boyfriends I've had didn't really care. Jose was the one before them and he did get jealous. He had a hard time though. There was this guy online who he talked to sometimes. And I had been trying to get him out there to sleep around a little too and this was the only guy he wanted to with and the guy pulled up to where they were supposed to meet up and then just drove off.
He did want me to stop sleeping around after that and I did, but we broke up shortly after for other reasons so it was never an issue.
That's not cheating, that's an agreement.
So it's a big deal because people don't make an agreement before hand? That still seems pretty stupid of a thing to end everything over.
Honesty negates cheating. If you're lying and sneaking around, bad. If you're upfront about your proclivities, it's their fault if they get with you and let themselves get hurt.
What is so difficult for you to understand? Why some people want to be monogamous? Or why people would be upset and end relationships over being lied to? This is all pretty obvious stuff. It is fine if you don't feel this way, but what kind of answer are you really expecting?
I'm not gonna explain this to you. You're an asshole. Stop being a dumbass contrarion if you want people to stop calling you an asshole.
If you think he's trolling don't give him the satisfaction of a response like that.
I don't understand exactly how he's being an asshole simply for having an unconventional view.
He's ok with cheating on his boyfriend and his boyfriend should just get over it. You're being rather generous by simply calling it an "unconventional view."
edit: Hold up, I didn't misread. He said he was cheated on and it wasnt a big deal to him. So my point still stands. Also, the fact that you downvoted me is pretty funny.
I actually didn't downvote you. How is it funny even if I did though?
And read further up. He thinks he should be able to cheat on his boyfriends and they should just get over it.
What works for you doesn't work for others. Some men only prefer their man pumps their ass.
Well when I'm dating someone normally I'd prefer my boyfriend too, but sometimes stuff happens and you go with it if. It has never been the normal, but sometimes really hot opportunities present themselves. The downvotes kind of mirror my confusion, I don't understand why people get as upset about it as they do.
The first sentence in my response is the answer to your question. Everyone is different, what works for you doesn't work for others. The majority of people find cheating to be a very disloyal thing and since many base their relationships on loyalty being disloyal would only logically end the relationship.
> I've never really cheated
So, you've cheated, but...like...on degrees of cheating? What does this mean?
People generally tend to have a hard time trusting someone again once they've shown themselves to be a liar who's abused your trust, which might be why cheating is seen as kind of a relationship killer. Hard to have a relationship without trust.