Some trans* drama as a comic surfaces in /r/forwardsfromgrandma. From "Is it wrong to say that you aren't comfortable having sex with someone born the same gender as you" to "She is a she both mentally (and if she's gone through operations and treatments) and physically," in 1 post flat. (np.reddit.com)
SubredditDrama
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50 comments submitted at 02:51:09 on Mar 20, 2014 by ashent2
Why the fuck do we have fucking disclosure drama all the time?
Disclosure / sex drama is dumb.
Some people like truth and honesty from there partners. The state of a persons sexual organs should be important to 100% of the population when deciding whether to engage in sexual activity. This includes disease, SRS or whether they are currently in another sexual relationship with another person.
Sorry, I know this topic is very personal for you.
>SRS
This isn't about the state of my sexual organs. If I say "I'm infertile" that's all that really matters. I'm being truthful. What RIGHT does the other person have to know? Sure, it might be a kindness, and I might owe my partner maximum amount of kindness, but I fail to see the moral RIGHT that people pound there chest about.
And frankly, if it's going to ruin my partner's ability to have sex with me, it might be better to hide it from them. I mean, it's doing them no real harm, and they get to enjoy sex they wouldn't otherwise enjoy. In return, I get to enjoy sex, too. It'd be like talking about the fact that I took a shit earlier today.
(Obviously, there are matters of emotional sensitivity, and I won't pretend we live in an ideal enough world where people come away from all that without some real emotional needs that make not talking about their being trans not really a reasonable option, because in the world we live in it is a substantial part of someone's life, but I still think the point was important to make.)
This one is personal, and it's one I've spent a lot of time arguing about, and I really ought to build myself a proper set of arguments here, but I've yet to get past just how easy it is to get people to flip really transphobic shit over this topic. Most of the time people have some restraint, but on this one, hooo boy.
>And frankly, if it's going to ruin my partner's ability to have sex with me, it might be better to hide it from them. I mean, it's doing them no real harm, and they get to enjoy sex they wouldn't otherwise enjoy.
This is not ok.
How so? In what moral way does it do actual harm? Don't just go "this isn't OK", defend your bullshit.
If I am to be sensitive to the issues that trans* people have in life, shouldn't my disinclination to having sex with a post-op trans* person warrant some sensitivity as well?
You could use that exact same argument to justify cheating on a spouse. It's harmless as long as she/he doesn't find out, right? When that person finds out, they're going to feel very violated and hurt. Even if it's just a casual hookup, they're going to feel misled and manipulated.
Additionally, rape by deception is a real thing, and a punishable crime.