Me [21 M] with my girlfriend of close to three years [21 F]; she wants an open relationship and I'm not sure if I can handle it (self.relationships)
33 ups - 11 downs = 22 votes
Let me start this by saying that I am very much in love with my girlfriend, we've been together basically all throughout college, and before this all started I couldn't have been happier. Last weekend, she told me that she wanted to explore the idea of having an open relationship, because she felt that her sexuality was trapped by the conventions of our monogamous relationship. She had felt this way before, but with the end of college approaching, she feels like she should be getting out there a bit more. I didn't respond very well to this, and we've been fighting kind of a lot about it. It usually starts with us thinking about it, and ends with me questioning myself and us as a group. She says that she still loves me and wants to have emotional exclusivity, but I don't know if I can handle being left alone in that way.
To make matters worse, we were talking yesterday and I asked her not to be with anyone close to me, so that it didn't poison any of my existing friendships. She hesitated, and I asked her if she was already thinking of someone in particular, one of my best friends, who lives right upstairs and often hangs out with the two of us. I didn't get the whole story, but apparently he had chastised her for being unduly flirtatious a few weeks ago (so as not to hurt my feelings...), at which point she admitted that she was interested in him, and it sounded like he said it was mutual. I had been suspecting that she liked him for a long time, and was kind of making myself crazy about it, not wanting to distrust either of them, but also constantly thinking something is up.
As it is right now, I said we can do it if it makes her happy, because I'm not ready to give up on this yet. I just don't really know what to do, because the only person I would talk to about this is at the center of my whole problem. Basically, I'm wondering what you do when both sides of an issue make sense, but when the issue itself is so emotional that logic kinda gets thrown out the door.
TL;DR: GF wants an open relationship, and wants to be with one of my best friends. The problem is, I actually see her perspective and think it's pretty reasonable.
88 comments submitted at 04:18:30 on Nov 16, 2013 by temprray