Wife[35f] and I[35m] have had an open marriage for 2 years now my wife wants to close it (self.relationships)

{relationships}

199 ups - 88 downs = 111 votes

Wife and I have been married for 10 years together for 16. When we started dating I was her first and I had two other partners before her. Later in our marriage wife expressed to me that it was unfair and she wanted to have other experiences too. It started coming up as a joke and eventually the conversation would be coming up more and more.

Wife told me she felt like she was missing out on life experiences, it was becoming a bigger desire for her. I didn't want a divorce so we opened up our relationship. Well advice to any of you guys that are openining up your relationship the woman has a much easier time finding partners than you do. We had some ground rules that we had to be honest with each other the whole way through, check up on each other, and always use protection.

Well I can't say the first couple times when my wife was out and she texted me "are you okay with me doing this," I felt too good about it. The feeling of abandonment hit pretty hard but I learned to cope with it. I did tell my wife how I felt about the whole thing, but she would guilt me really hard for feeling the way I did.

Recently I started getting with this other girl 19[f]. I started hanging out with her a good bit but made sure I had my wife's approval. Being with her when my wife was out with other guys definitely made the pain much easier to handle and in fact I'd completely forget about what my wife was doing when I was out with her.

Wife ended up finding my gf on Facebook, and now she wants to close up the marriage. I talked to her about it and she said I think we both have had enough fun. I got really upset with her and brought up the fact that she has been with 11 dudes while I have been with 2(including the new girl). We ended up arguging for a while, and she admitted that she is threatend by the girl I am with because she is so attractive. I told her that I got over her being with other guys so she needs to get over this girl.

Since then wife has stopped going out and cries when I am out with my new girl. She has also tried to be more pleasant and do more chores around the house in hopes that I end up leaving my new girl. To add to that, she has tried to use sex as a tool to keep me from going out with my plans. When I am supposed to hang out she will tempt me to stay. The "Special Sex" we reserve for special occassions is offered whenever now.

In all honesty, I felt like I finally found a way to cope with the open relationship part and I did my best to be mature about it. Now when I finally found someone else, my wife wants to end it. I am starting to get the feeling that this was never meant to be an open relationship but it was more so her pass to fuck other guys and she didn't think I could get an attractive girl myself. The first girl I was with during the open relationship we had sex 2 times that was it. The second girl (the one I am with now) is the only one that I had regular sex wtih.

Wife and I both expressed we don't want a divorce. I don't want to give up on my gf either. Wife really wants me to stop seeing other girl.

tl-dr- I was my wife's first. I had other partners though. Wife wanted to open up marriage, she slept with 11 guys. I find myself an attractive girl, now she wants to close the marriage because she fears she is going to lose me to her.

408 comments submitted at 18:18:06 on Nov 4, 2013 by throwddddddd

  • [-]
  • ice_nine459
  • 326 Points
  • 18:37:58, 4 November

Sounds like she sort of does have a reason to worry. Don't get me wrong she's obviously manipulating you and being selfish but to me it kind of sounded like she wanted the open marriage to fulfill sexual desires. Especially since she's been with 11 since it started. To her it was about sex and new experiences but the way you write about the 19f you are seeing sounds like you are very emotionally invested in her which is what your wife is jealous of, not that you are having mindless sex with someone so attractive. To her it wasn't about finding another great bf, I doubt she even cared for all of the guys she was with. I know it probably wasn't your end goal to fall for a girl but you wrote about her very emotionally especially when you forget about your wife when you are with her.

Now I know it's very unfair but it takes both people in the relationship to open up the marriage however it only takes 1 to close it. The second you or your wife decide I can't do this anymore and wants the marriage to be closed the fact of the matter is that it's closed. The reasons she's doing it are purely selfish and she's manipulating you in every way but it's up to you whether or not you are willing to respect her wishes about not dating the girl you have been seeing.

Lots of relationships have ended because each side feels like the other got a better part of a break or open marriage or whatever so it's essentially on you if you want to risk her divorcing you or whatever she feels would hurt you the most to try to get you to stop or you can just stop on your own to be with your wife who you wanted all to yourself in the first place. You will have to choose the new 19f or your wife. As soon as she or you wants a closed marriage then it starts to get into cheating territory no matter how disproportionate you think the numbers are.

EDIT** Before reading OP's comments I wasn't on the wife's side but I definitely felt that she was sort of justified in wanting to close the marriage. Not because of her reasoning but just because it is within her rights and his wife to do so. However after reading his comments :

"The way she worded it back then it was pretty much its gonna happen or she would do it behind my back. She never specified saying it would happen and my wife is smart enough to get away with it too."

I'm sorry to say I'd say fuck her and do what you want. If you know she is willing to cheat on you and will start doing it again regardless of talking about an open marriage again then there should be little to no trust left for her. Hell it is 100x easier now for her to cheat since she has all the contacts while you guys were open and it's sad but alot of guys don't care if she's married or cheating. Trust me though, ultimately you will not be happy with a 19 year old. Fun for a little while they are but god they get annoying fast. Think of every immature game that couples played in hs, they still do that. Try not to replace your wife with a 19 year old gf.

  • [-]
  • MadreVolpe
  • 178 Points
  • 20:02:46, 4 November

I agree. I think even the number of men works in her favor for this argument--she is having sex for the sake of sex, and not getting emotionally attached to just one guy. That's an open relationship, what he's trying to do is polyamory, and she's not down.

  • [-]
  • Sleuther
  • 9 Points
  • 07:24:47, 5 November

You have no clue about the interactions she has had with these other men. She could be just as friendly with them as OP is with his new GF, he even mentions hanging out with her while she is away with them. I just think it's ridiculous to charge a person for being friends with the selective people they are sleeping with if they aren't displaying further romantic desires.

If anything it sounds like she was clearly disregarding OP's obvious feelings toward the subject while she went out and slept with a dozen new men. He was guilt into accepting an open relationship and when it finally turns something in his favor, a friend with benefits, she has the right to be upset?

  • [-]
  • cpt-kuro
  • 95 Points
  • 19:38:59, 4 November

I agree. He says this is the second girl he has been with outside the marriage, so what was different about the first one that didn't bother her? My bet would be the fact that he is seeing her so regularly and getting emotionally invested.

  • [-]
  • Avril_Latrine
  • 27 Points
  • 03:36:36, 5 November

All of this. Although it was a mistake for you to open your relationship in the first place, the fact that you're not willing to close it due to your wife's fears shows that her fears are valid.

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 34 Points
  • 20:11:35, 4 November

All honesty we don't have an emotional connection at all. The only difference was the first girl I was with we had sex 2 times that was it. My wife pretty much had 4 or so fwb during the course of 2 years. This girl I see her maybe once a week if that. And when it came to opening the marriage it was a one way street in no way did I want to open up the marriage.

  • [-]
  • hexebart
  • 70 Points
  • 23:09:15, 4 November

Having sex with one person regularly has a much higher risk of the two people developing feelings for each other, than having sex with multiple people. So your wife has a valid reason to be worried.

You seem to really be focusing on the fact that she's been with 11 men and you've only been with 2 women. Would you feel more comfortable if you slept with 9 other women and then went back to monogamy? Would your wife be more comfortable with this, rather than you sleeping with the same woman regularly?

You need to figure out exactly why you don't want to return to monogamy right now, if you want to return to it at all. Is it the fact that you feel you need to "even the scales", as a way of getting back at your wife for putting you in this position in the first place? Do you want her to experience the same level of insecurity/jealousy that you experienced when she initially started sleeping with other men? Or do you honestly enjoy this non-monogamy and want to continue it?

Once you figure this out, then you can decide on your course of action.

  • [-]
  • iamacatlover
  • 97 Points
  • 21:00:06, 4 November

but you chose to open it, and gave her permission. If that was how you felt, you should've spoke up and told her so. Now she wants it closed again, and that's her prerogative, just like it was your's to say no at the beginning.

  • [-]
  • ice_nine459
  • 34 Points
  • 21:15:47, 4 November

Exactly at this point you have to accept that you got bullied into an open marriage and she was with 11 guys just for sex. You can close it again but you would have to trust that she isn't going to just do it behind your back. I'm sure you feel very taken advantage of and you kind of were but since its your wife and not a gf its a much harder decisIon to make

  • [-]
  • defiantgrit
  • 8 Points
  • 23:48:51, 4 November

She wants it closed only because he's now enjoying himself regularly with someone else because she feels threatened. I can guarantee you the moment it looks like he won't ever be able to hook up with this girl again and his wife feels satisfied he isn't going to have another chance to hook up with someone, she's going to push for an open relationship again.

  • [-]
  • idealisticcynicist
  • -7 Points
  • 00:48:41, 5 November

Ding ding ding. Too her it was never a "joke", she always envied the unmarried woman. She enjoyed fulfilling her sexual fantasies far too much to just let it go when she has such little time before her ever decaying reproductive window closes. And you know what she's going to do after OP breaks off with his mistress? That's right, she's going to do everything in her power to try to force him back into an "open marriage" whatever the fuck that means. Open marriage, that's just the definition of an oxymoron right there.

Get a divorce.

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • -4 Points
  • 02:39:19, 5 November

I didn't chose to open it I was forced into it pretty much if I didn't "It was gonna happen" (she would cheat).

  • [-]
  • Keenanm
  • 34 Points
  • 02:57:36, 5 November

Why didn't you follow that with, 'if it happens, I'm gone.'

  • [-]
  • SneakyVonSneakyPants
  • 8 Points
  • 06:04:03, 5 November

That is NOT the way to have a healthy open marriage. It is possible for two people if they both are equally interested and communicative about the situation. What you two have came out of her selfishness and manipulation.

  • [-]
  • nigelthecat
  • 8 Points
  • 06:48:32, 5 November

So when she was texting you saying "are you sure you're okay with this?", you were saying no?

  • [-]
  • iamacatlover
  • 1 Points
  • 15:24:11, 5 November

Seriously, this. She gave him a window to take it back, he didn't.

  • [-]
  • riptaway
  • 12 Points
  • 05:38:29, 5 November

Holy shit, man. And you stayed with her after that bullshit? Wow. I'm consistently amazed at the number of guys on this sub who are completely spineless

  • [-]
  • ladybetty
  • 39 Points
  • 01:04:34, 5 November

Your wife has sex with 11 random guys, you talk about this one 'gf' (your word).

That's a relationship, and that is why your wife is upset.

  • [-]
  • nazihatinchimp
  • 1 Points
  • 13:39:44, 5 November

Sounds like the issue is you are mad she slept with so many guys. I would be.

  • [-]
  • defiantgrit
  • -6 Points
  • 23:45:03, 4 November

Lets be real. The only reason why she wants you to cut this off is because now she feels threatened and jealous because you have someone regular. The only difference between this girl and the last one was that you only got to hook up with the last one twice. This one has become something more regular.

This isn't because she is worried about you becoming emotional. This is because she didn't want an open relationship. She wanted to go out there, have her fun, and then expected you not to.

She's going to force the issue and you're going to lose this regular thing you have. Which I would like to add is only the second time you've gone outside the marriage while she has gone outside of it 10 times. Then I can guarantee you in a year to a few year's time she's going to want to open it up again.

  • [-]
  • brutalhonesty45
  • 48 Points
  • 19:44:59, 4 November

Sorry, it goes beyond "wife or the new girl.". First she bullied him into letting her get pounded by other dudes. Then, ELEVEN guys later the wife has a problem because of one pretty girl. She does not want to close the relationship, she wants OP to lose this girl because it makes her feel old.

Trust me - after hot nineteen year old goes away wifey will be humping other men shortly after. OP is right to question her motivations.

  • [-]
  • canyonmist
  • 19 Points
  • 23:27:42, 4 November

If girlfriend doesn't go away because OP is using her to get back at his wife (see his comments) then wife might go get pounded by other guys permanently.

  • [-]
  • HarleyWalker
  • 15 Points
  • 04:58:59, 5 November

>then wife might go get pounded by other guys permanently.

And OP would be better off for it

  • [-]
  • canyonmist
  • 1 Points
  • 09:49:45, 5 November

Try telling him that.

He wants to continue living in this nuclear waste dump of a relationship, while punishing her and believing that she will never further resent him for it.

I've tried to get him to see that with his level of hate for her, divorce is the only option, but he refuses.

  • [-]
  • Refuted
  • 9 Points
  • 01:50:27, 5 November

Well, she was going to go get pounded by other guys permanently as long as OP never got himself anything.

Unless you think she was planning to stop before he found someone else too.

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 7 Points
  • 02:40:51, 5 November

Exactly if it was 2 or 3 guys I would have been much more accepting to call it off. But she had 11.. and they weren't one night stands either.

  • [-]
  • nigelthecat
  • 20 Points
  • 06:51:39, 5 November

If you could have had sex with 9 more women, would you be less upset? I feel like you are really focused on the number simply because, like you said, it was a lot easier for her than you. Did she call any of them her boyfriend like you call this teenager your girlfriend?

  • [-]
  • Tipharet
  • 3 Points
  • 06:13:23, 5 November

Nail on the god damn head

  • [-]
  • jettnoir
  • 6 Points
  • 01:13:53, 5 November

This. Plus the girl is 19, she's a child! That is a total threat to your wife, this is a younger, more fertile woman you're now plowing.

  • [-]
  • ijustblumyself
  • 137 Points
  • 18:38:10, 4 November

I think she is more worried about you having an emotional affair with the new girl, rather than a physical affair. You guys should have set up boundaries, like NSA sex rather than having "girlfriends" and "boyfriends" where you actually go out on dates and hang out.

  • [-]
  • mytenththrowaway
  • 26 Points
  • 22:59:39, 4 November

Oh. I just realized you meant No Strings Attached sex. Not Nat'l Security Administration sex. I was going to have to ask you to explain that one...I assumed it had something to do with eavesdropping on phone calls and reading emails?

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 4 Points
  • 20:14:57, 4 November

I just used the word girlfriend because I didn't know what else to use. We don't have any emotional connection.

  • [-]
  • craaackle
  • 47 Points
  • 03:01:13, 5 November

You had no problem calling your wife's sexual partners "fwb".

  • [-]
  • errwell
  • 36 Points
  • 01:44:47, 5 November

Then why don't you want to end it with her? It takes two to be in an open marriage, and your wife doesn't want it open anymore. It should be closed, just like that.

What you are doing now is cheating on her. She has retracted her agreement to be okay with you seeing other people and you are doing it anyway. Regardless of whether you feel like you've been "even" or you think the amount of sex you got is "fair", you agreed to the open marriage to begin with. You both agreed on the terms.

Now she is not agreeing to this, has voiced that she is uncomfortable and wants it to stop and you are doing it anyway without her consent. You are now cheating on your wife.

That's not an open marriage anymore, just so you know. That's just you sleeping with someone else while your wife desperately tries to stop you

  • [-]
  • Vincethink
  • -1 Points
  • 08:32:49, 5 November

Don't even pull that shit.

Wife was fine with things as long as she was able to ride the cock train while OP sat at home and jerked off with his tears, but the moment he is actually getting laid regularly she realizes that without exclusive sexual rights, he could leave her and her lifestyle goes with him.

Suddenly she'll be 35 and alone. She wants the support of a husband while still fucking as she pleases.

By the way, it's really not cheating if you're up front about what you're doing. She can either tolerate him having sex with the 19 year old, or leave. Cheating requires deception.

  • [-]
  • nanabattmaaaannnnn
  • 7 Points
  • 05:54:25, 5 November

If you're unwilling to give her up, you have to have some sort of attachment to her. Your wife is obviously in it for the sex, as she is going from guy to guy, you are getting emotionally invested. Otherwise, you should have no problem giving up this chick.

  • [-]
  • istara
  • 103 Points
  • 22:26:46, 4 November

>I don't want to give up on my gf either.

Your marriage is over.

  • [-]
  • mytenththrowaway
  • 39 Points
  • 23:13:59, 4 November

And everyone realizes this except him.

  • [-]
  • Red_Sn0w
  • 1 Points
  • 04:48:16, 5 November

Oh cmon, this is not helpful in any way. This is just a one-liner with zero advice.

  • [-]
  • canyonmist
  • 4 Points
  • 09:52:10, 5 November

Because the 300 other long, well-written out posts filled with advice have been received so well...

  • [-]
  • tastethebrainbow
  • 8 Points
  • 08:17:29, 5 November

It was over the minute it became "open".

  • [-]
  • canyonmist
  • 3 Points
  • 09:52:36, 5 November

Don't know why you're being downvoted.

You're right. These people were never cut out for an open relationship and had no business opening it.

  • [-]
  • babybirch
  • 2 Points
  • 10:34:03, 5 November

People can have fulfilling open relationships though. They're just not for everyone.

  • [-]
  • Punky_Grifter
  • 14 Points
  • 00:04:17, 5 November

It sounds like you guys should have never opened the relationship in the first place. Your argument to your wife sounds like "Well I was uncomfortable for you, so you should be uncomfortable for me." It sounds fair, but making your partner unhappy for your own needs isn't a good way to have a relationship. It wasn't good for her to do it to you 2 years ago and it isn't good to do to her now that she wants to stop.

The best advice I can give is to try to find a polyamory friendly relationship counsellor (they are out there) and get an unbiased third party to sort this stuff out.

  • [-]
  • yuudachi
  • 38 Points
  • 22:49:02, 4 November

To be blunt, if you care more about your marriage than the sex, you need to close the marriage. To be more blunt, however, your marriage doesn't necessarily seem salvageable at this point.

It should have been a huge red flag from the start when she pressured you to choose between her cheating or opening the relationship-- that is a choice you should have NEVER have to make. To me, if one party is not okay with it, the other should concede since their priority should be the marriage. Along with that, the fact that she is regretting this now shows that she never was actually okay with an open relationship, she just was rushing ahead to the part where she is allowed to sleep with other guys.

If you want to keep your marriage alive and well, you need to take out all the spiteful, vengeful behavior and that includes holding the 'new girl' over your wife's head as punishment for her pushing into an open relationship. Then you need to get your ass to therapy and really let her know how much forcing you into this arrangement hurt you and how you guys can work on it.

  • [-]
  • Noressa
  • 31 Points
  • 19:07:28, 4 November

You should post to /r/nonmonogamy or /r/polyamory too for more people who may have seen these relationships at different levels.

Has she explained the reasoning aside from "she's more attractive"? Has she decided that she will never want to be with other people? Are you ok with transitioning from an open relationship back to a closed one? Is she willing to revisit the rules with you to address her concerns, but also recognize that you deserve equal say in what is going on? You have a lot of tough decisions to go on.

Personal experiences here: I started dating as a poly person around 18. I've had a couple of monogamous relationships since then but they don't work for me. When my husband and I met, we had it open from the start and we've continued to have an open relationship. We talk about our concerns openly, try to address them in a way to keep the relationship open. If there are issues we see in a potential partner, we know to bring them up. I can strongly disagree with a choice, but I won't stop him unless I think it's damaging. Keep in mind, we revisit these rules every year or so in case things change, and as other relationships develop or fade. I have had an easier time than he has in finding partners, but I won't stop him because we already now what is important to us, for our relationship and we trust each other to mention if there is an issue early. Good luck figuring out what you want, what she wants, and if your life goals are still in similar places.

  • [-]
  • ice_nine459
  • 13 Points
  • 19:15:07, 4 November

Yea I agree, you have to be very mature to be able to have an open relationship like this. I honestly probably wouldn't be able to do it but would rather break up than be bullied into one. His wife sounds very childish and manipulative so she was obviously just looking for a pass to be with guys unfortunately.

  • [-]
  • Noressa
  • 4 Points
  • 19:19:54, 4 November

It could be. It could be that she suddenly realized that hey, she's not cut out for an open relationship if he's out there too. And it's unfair to him in that regard, but she may have decided over everyone she's been with, she'd rather be with him. I can see how that would happen, and I can also see how he would not be happy with that scenario too. (She's had x many he's had 2 now.)

If they decide to close it again, I'd absolutely try to see them focus on rebuilding trust and intimacy together and shift the focus from partners to each other and the same kind of early courtship you get in new relationships. People want to be loved and appreciated and felt that their needs are being taken into consideration. Part of this equation is failing here. :)

  • [-]
  • BabalonRising
  • 2 Points
  • 21:06:31, 4 November

> And it's unfair to him in that regard, but she may have decided over everyone she's been with, she'd rather be with him.

Is that REALLY what you're getting out of this sad tale? It doesn't seem very likely, unless OP is totally misrepresenting the situation.

  • [-]
  • Noressa
  • 5 Points
  • 21:45:41, 4 November

I'm saying it's one possibility. There's a host of other things that may have happened, but not being the OP or his wife, I can't say. It is possible, which is why it was included.

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • -1 Points
  • 20:37:31, 4 November

Those subreddits are rather dead when it comes to advice/comments. I did post to /r/askmen

  • [-]
  • Noressa
  • 9 Points
  • 20:42:47, 4 November

/r/polyamory is pretty active, I would say that's probably a good place for poly minded people to answer your question, vs. those who don't always see open relationships as valid. :)

  • [-]
  • errwell
  • 17 Points
  • 03:01:07, 5 November

They would be eaten alive in r/poly , this guy is horrible and their relationship is awful

  • [-]
  • hexebart
  • 14 Points
  • 03:18:11, 5 November

"Hey guys I want to keep sleeping with this hot girl because she's hot and it's pissing my wife off. This is cool, right?"

I'm sure that would go down well in those subs.

/s

  • [-]
  • errwell
  • 11 Points
  • 03:20:05, 5 November

They would boo him out the door. That place is literally built on trust and mutual consent, this shit would NOT fly

  • [-]
  • whimsicalkim
  • 8 Points
  • 00:48:37, 5 November

Regardless of either of your views on open relationships, a marriage can't work if neither person is willing to change. Whatever decision you make must be made together. Also, things aren't always fair or even in marriage. If you're bent on sleeping with 9 more people to even your score with your wife's score, then you need to reevaluate whether you want to be married or do whatever you want.

  • [-]
  • Vinay92
  • 22 Points
  • 00:29:15, 5 November

Your marriage ended when you agreed to an open relationship you didn't want. Now the tables are turned and your wife is in the position now that you were in back then. She is selfish and manipulative and you should have never agreed to something you didn't want.

  • [-]
  • wanderingalice
  • 6 Points
  • 21:07:00, 4 November

two open marriage posts back to back, one where they are thinking about another where they did it... open marriage monday i suppose

  • [-]
  • snuggly_sasquatch
  • 8 Points
  • 23:29:30, 4 November

What is it you want out of this thread?

  • [-]
  • starkey2
  • 8 Points
  • 00:36:11, 5 November

What do you want from your marriage now? what is your ideal future with this woman?

  • [-]
  • Andhareall
  • 7 Points
  • 03:07:39, 5 November

This isn't a numbers game. From your responses, I'm getting the feeling that you're trying to match her number to even out the agreement that you felt forced into. You feel like you got the short end of the stick, I get it, and you want to be able to experience parts of what you had agreed to earlier like your wife got to do. But that ship has sailed and now your wife wants to close your relationship. It does not matter why she wants to close it; all that matters is that she wants to close it. She had her fun, and so did you. But now you two need to work on having your fun together and not with other people.

If you're so worried about your wife wanting to go back to the agreement after you drop your 19 year old gf because you feel like she's threatened by this younger girl, then you tell her that once the relationship is closed, it's closed for good. No more fooling around with other men, and no more fooling around with other women. You two need to start focusing on each other and stop focusing on lost chances for new experiences and trying to level the playing field. You're married to each other and need to focus on yourselves and your relationship with each other, not dwelling on the past.

  • [-]
  • TheHumanTornado
  • 34 Points
  • 18:26:43, 4 November

Your wife sounds like she's being pretty selfish to me. I think whether or not your relationship continues is going to ultimately be your call but if you decide to keep going you should probably follow up with some couples therapy.

  • [-]
  • wish_you_were_here
  • 34 Points
  • 18:37:05, 4 November

Obviously she's just written a check her ass couldn't check when she gave you permission to sleep with others just because she wanted to. She thought you wouldn't, or just the sheer youth of your new partner is threatening her (35 can be a funny age.... Halfway between relatively young and getting old).

Sounds like you're gonna have to make a choice because your wife is gonna fall apart if you keep seeing the gf and that's gonna cost you your marriage. So either you eat your freedom and close it back off, or likely you'll end up fighting and wanting to leave anyway. It's not fait, but nothing in life is.

I'm not sure she's worth the fight really... Seems awfully self-centered. I doubt she was giving it much thought while she was out banging dudes and you were at home watching TV. You'll have to decide though.

  • [-]
  • BabalonRising
  • 6 Points
  • 21:07:37, 4 November

> I'm not sure she's worth the fight really...

I'm sure. She's not. Not unless she learns to deal with the mess she made.

  • [-]
  • wish_you_were_here
  • 9 Points
  • 21:15:18, 4 November

Well... I didn't wanna be THAT commenter, after he stated clearly that they've already discussed and rejected the idea of divorce. If it was me, I'd bail too.

  • [-]
  • radickeyfan
  • 15 Points
  • 23:03:40, 4 November

This marriage was over when it was first opened up. Sorry.

  • [-]
  • riboflavor
  • 127 Points
  • 19:38:25, 4 November

I think you are staying with this girl and keeping the marriage open to punish your wife. And that is fucked up.

  • [-]
  • serume
  • 25 Points
  • 19:52:56, 4 November

I got that impression too, it's to "even the score" because the wife slept with more men than he got to sleep with women.

I'd be careful about my battles. Winning this one probably means losing the marriage. Worth it?

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 59 Points
  • 20:20:22, 4 November

I won't lie that is an aspect of it too. Not the only aspect but you don't know how upset I was when I'd be sitting by myself on a Friday night. Then I'd see my wife come home and I couldn't even look her in the eye. For the first months I couldn't even have a normal sleep schedule.

  • [-]
  • Meliae
  • 37 Points
  • 21:38:29, 4 November

Good on you for being at least a little honest about your motivations.

But let's be real here, you two should never have opened up this can of worms. You expressed that from the beginning, you didn't want to open up your relationship in this way and it was painful for you, but you caved to keep your wife from leaving. That was problem number one and you should never, ever consider letting your wife/husband sleep around just so they won't leave you. You both have been poisoning this relationship since the moment you agreed to let this happen, but seeing as how she was expressing dissatisfaction with the marriage arrangement before you agreed to become 'open', that should have been your first warning sign.

This is a pretty natural progression, given how this whole thing started, and there's really no way out of it that doesn't involve tears and a lot of misery on both sides.

This marriage sounds pretty broken to me, but if you believe it's worth saving, you both need to close up the relationship and seek counseling.

Also, everyone in here can see that you are becoming attached to the new girl (also, 19 and 35? That's a little weird, why aren't you dating women your own age?) and you're using her to punish your wife. That's unbelievably toxic, and I would bet that it's only because she's 19 and can't see that yet that she hasn't noped out of the whole situation.

Either way, this current trend cannot continue. Either divorce your wife so you can both fulfill whatever unsatisfied sexual itches you may have without destroying each other, or wrap this up and seek therapy and couples counseling. What do you want to do?

  • [-]
  • canyonmist
  • 28 Points
  • 23:40:09, 4 November

Why did you never say no? Your wife is selfish absolutely but you must at least take part of the blame?

You guys are the opposite of people who do well with open relationships.

If you felt terrible, why didn't you stop it? Cause she's divorce you? So be it, it means you're not right for each other.

But this getting back at her....you didn't earn that. This is going to destroy your marriage and you'll lose her anyway. Partners don't enjoy being punished.

And even if you stay together, your marriage will never be the same or fulfilling.

It's like both of you just refuse to be decent people. God, neither if you are catches.

  • [-]
  • mytenththrowaway
  • 10 Points
  • 23:03:43, 4 November

It's really awful that you felt that way. It's really awful that her, uh, 'liasons' continued even though you felt that way. True, a lot of the onus is on you...you agreed to the open relationship even though you didn't want it. What would've happened if you'd just said no? Do you really think she would've left you over it? Would you have wanted to be with somebody willing to walk because of it?

Regardless, you realize that what your doing now is a bit of 'punishment'. Punishment for what she put you through, punishment for wanting to call backsies now on the agreement, etc. But, honestly, if you're that set on punishing her, don't you maybe think it's time to re-evaluate why you're in this relationship? Why would you want to hurt someone you care about? Why would SHE (because she obviously did, and she knew it)?

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 1 Points
  • 23:36:50, 4 November

The way she worded it back then it was pretty much its gonna happen or she would do it behind my back. She never specified saying it would happen and my wife is smart enough to get away with it too.

  • [-]
  • mytenththrowaway
  • 24 Points
  • 23:40:48, 4 November

So...let me make sure I've got this. She told you you had to open the marriage up or she was going to cheat on you. And you stayed. With someone who told you she was going to cheat on you. Dude. Seriously.

Ninja edit: "Smart enough to get away with it..." Honey. I can't tell you how many facepalms there are in those two sentences you just typed. I want you to re-read that to yourself. Slowly.

  • [-]
  • sillypuppy215
  • 2 Points
  • 10:38:12, 5 November

He's making excuses, she didn't tell him shit. "She never specified saying it would happen"= she expressed desire for an open relationship and he jumped to she's gonna cheat on him.

  • [-]
  • dripless_cactus
  • 24 Points
  • 20:37:00, 4 November

Did you express this to her? did you try to work out these feelings together? You say she would try to guilt you for having feelings which is totally wrong.

Having a relationship as revenge is fucked up too though. If neither of you have regards for the others' feelings, what kind of relationship still exists? If it's one worth fighting for, I would seriously consider marriage counseling.

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 12 Points
  • 20:42:54, 4 November

Trust me I did. We had this talk a lot.

  • [-]
  • Master_Z
  • 50 Points
  • 20:33:36, 4 November

I hope you don't get downvoted for feeling like this, because that is a natural progression for your open relationship route. She forced you into this and guilted you into keeping with it.

Did she actually think so little of you that bitterness and revenge wouldn't creep out?

  • [-]
  • jk147
  • 12 Points
  • 22:15:10, 4 November

It mattered little because she was getting her fill from other dudes.

  • [-]
  • BabalonRising
  • 6 Points
  • 21:11:53, 4 November

> Did she actually think so little of you that bitterness and revenge wouldn't creep out?

Probably. Unless his wife was a complete moron, that she'd even approach him with this request (let alone insist upon it in the face of obvious disagreement) does say something about her appraisal of OP.

  • [-]
  • mytenththrowaway
  • 12 Points
  • 23:05:36, 4 November

I think it's kind of a power thing. Now, he's finally in a position where he has the power to hurt her the way she, knowingly, hurt him. It's human nature, sure...but you have to wonder where a relationship comprised of two people competing to hurt each other the most is headed.

  • [-]
  • crazyeddie123
  • 12 Points
  • 23:08:52, 4 November

Who told you to sit home by yourself on Friday night while she was out?

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 6 Points
  • 23:34:50, 4 November

As a 35 year old married man it's hard finding women that are interested in you. Part of our deal was we had to tell people we were married too.

  • [-]
  • crazyeddie123
  • 24 Points
  • 23:48:56, 4 November

> As a 35 year old married man it's hard finding women that are interested in you.

Why would that keep you from leaving the house? You are allowed to be out and about without a woman babysitting you.

I'm not saying she's anywhere near blameless in this whole story, but you sitting at home while she's out doing her thing was not her fault.

  • [-]
  • canyonmist
  • 9 Points
  • 23:55:58, 4 November

Your failure to get partners is not your wife's fault if you agreed to an open relationship.

Then again I know she threatened you to open it.

Just saying, you can't hold your lack of success over her head. That's between you and the women you're pursuing.

  • [-]
  • Refuted
  • 12 Points
  • 02:02:02, 5 November

One of the onuses of an open relationship is figuring how to balance the fact that women can get partners easily and men have a harder time. There are lots of ways to find that balance, but ignoring it is not one of them.

  • [-]
  • feralcatromance
  • 7 Points
  • 01:46:29, 5 November

Then why did you agree to it?

  • [-]
  • Whiskey_Sours
  • 9 Points
  • 23:41:42, 4 November

But then it's your fault for agreeing to it. If it worked out properly, you would have agreed because you felt secure and comfortable doing it, and then it wouldn't be full of vengeance and trying to make her jealous.

She's upset and wants it closed because you're trying so hard to keep it open. That alone makes it sound like something could be there between this other girl, now she's probably seeing it as you're choosing this gf over her which does suck and is hurtful.

This could have all been avoided had you said no in the first place.

  • [-]
  • riboflavor
  • 22 Points
  • 20:38:25, 4 November

You should have never agreed to an open marriage. The good news here is that your wife is uncomfortable with it too. And she is willing to stop with the behavior that is hurting you, if you will stop with the behavior that is hurting her. You should. And see a counsellor about both of your insecurity issues.

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 14 Points
  • 21:30:25, 4 November

she just happens to stop after I get a regular fwb... how considerate of her.

  • [-]
  • riboflavor
  • 63 Points
  • 21:58:00, 4 November

Then divorce her if you are out man. Just break up. Date your FWB and whoever you want. But if you want to save your marriage you need to address how mad you are at her. Not just channel it all into fucking another woman while she squirms.

If you are keeping her around to torture her because she tortured you, you should just break up.

  • [-]
  • jk147
  • 13 Points
  • 22:29:42, 4 November

I am sorry to say this but you are awfully passive in this whole ordeal. If you guys don't have kids why even keep up this facade. If she was willing to cheat on you then the relationship wasn't worth keeping in the first place.

You want revenge, heck yeah of course you want revenge. People who tell you it is childish never been the guy sitting at the couch on a Friday night wondering which guy on Facebook she is meeting right now. Keep seeing this girl because YOU want to keep seeing this girl. For once YOU make the decision about what you want out of your life. If your wife divorce you over this so be it, maybe it will lead to a better life for you. Good luck.

  • [-]
  • caffeinepills
  • 6 Points
  • 23:13:26, 4 November

Expect the relationship to open back up after you break things off with the other girl to appease the wife. Then shortly after she'll change her mind and want to open it back up. Then of course when you find another girl, she'll pull the same thing again.

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 5 Points
  • 23:35:43, 4 November

I feel this too.

  • [-]
  • Jimmy2e
  • 6 Points
  • 21:48:04, 4 November

Honestly, she didn't give a shit about your feelings when she was being railed by 11 dudes and you squirmed at home hating your life, feeling like less of a man.

As far as I am concerned, she made her bed, and now she has to lie in it.

  • [-]
  • tealparadise
  • 1 Points
  • 00:16:46, 5 November

The thing is, she doesn't. She will play apologetic for a while but there's a time limit on that. She can just leave.

  • [-]
  • Jimmy2e
  • 6 Points
  • 02:12:55, 5 November

That's fine, let her go.

  • [-]
  • 1_2_3_GO
  • 1 Points
  • 07:52:34, 5 November

this--so much this. If you actively seek revenge on your wife for this, or you're pissy and upset that she wants to deprive you of your fun with the 19 year old, then clearly there's more than "we don't want to end this". Why don't you want to end it? You're not treating each other with love and respect, which is what a marriage really should be.

No more charades--if you're mad about giving up your extramarital sex, you've got big problems that need to be worked out. If you don't trust your wife won't keep your marriage closed, then again-- you've got bigger problems.

  • [-]
  • Nievvein
  • 3 Points
  • 00:59:15, 5 November

Then why didn't you talk to her? Why didn't you say that you couldn't do this? Why didn't you get into counseling?

Why are you forcing her to suffer because you want to act immature in order to hurt her?

  • [-]
  • nanabattmaaaannnnn
  • 2 Points
  • 05:55:18, 5 November

That is fucked up. Why in the hell are you doing it to torture your wife? Why not just get a divorce then?

  • [-]
  • Master_Z
  • 5 Points
  • 20:29:56, 4 November

IDK how you get that impression at all, your statement is very sexist, in the post itself OP says he was guilted multiple times into being okay w/ the open relationship AND forced into it AND forced to cope with it.

Once the guy finally has a steady FWB, she starts to force and guilt him out of HER decision. Of course the guy MUST give up on the open relationship when she gets uncomfortable, but the guy was uncomfortable the ENTIRE TIME. Once he finally settles in, NOPE time to pack, wife is uncomfortable for one time and the guy MUST follow her like a dog.

  • [-]
  • riboflavor
  • 28 Points
  • 20:36:51, 4 November

Chill out.

They are both handling this open relationship terribly. Neither of them should be seeing someone the other is uncomfortable with. And they should both call it off and talk about their issues with a counsellor. But it helps nothing for him to keep seeing this girl, especially because it hurts his wife.

  • [-]
  • sillypuppy215
  • 1 Points
  • 10:40:04, 5 November

If he was really uncomfortable, he should have closed the relationship or divorced her. She didn't force him to do anything. Like seriously, you guys are acting like she held a gun to his head.

  • [-]
  • jaghataikhan
  • 6 Points
  • 23:49:13, 4 November

Lolhypocritemuch?

  • [-]
  • Stefanieee
  • 7 Points
  • 02:08:03, 5 November

Your marriage is over. You two need to stop acting wounded and stand up for yourselves. She wasn't ready to be with one person forever, and you're not ready to stop punishing her for it. Just end it and save yourselves all this mess.

  • [-]
  • golden_an
  • 7 Points
  • 02:22:27, 5 November

Yes, this marriage is done. There seems to be no love, no trust, no respect. There's only selfishness, hurt, one-upmanship, manipulation, resentment, and what could now turn out to be a never-ending cycle of punishment and retaliation. Stick a fork in this so-called marriage. It's done.

  • [-]
  • WhyAreYouUpsideDown
  • 6 Points
  • 09:32:28, 5 November

Why are you dating a teenager? You're a grown-ass man.

  • [-]
  • BabalonRising
  • 21 Points
  • 20:58:26, 4 November

>I am starting to get the feeling that this was never meant to be an open relationship but it was more so her pass to fuck other guys and she didn't think I could get an attractive girl myself.

Uh, duh!

You have every right to be annoyed. Your wife has been incredibly selfish through all of this.

That said, you should have NEVER agreed to any of this if your heart really wasn't in it. Whenever you find yourself in a situation in a relationship where your options are "let her do what she wants" or "divorce", the only answer is the latter.

I also strongly suspect that SHOULD you quit the 19 y.o. girlfriend, your wife's extra efforts (which are just manipulation to begin with) will begin to diminish.

Honestly, I think your marriage is irreparably fucked. Your wife won't be happy until she has everything as she wants and you're a chump, OR you continue with the girlfriend and your home life eventually turns toxic (fear the scorned woman!)

  • [-]
  • drzoidburger
  • 8 Points
  • 23:03:39, 4 November

Exactly how I feel about this. It sounds like a lose-lose situation for OP.

  • [-]
  • lapn
  • 50 Points
  • 18:33:38, 4 November

She definitely wanted her cake and to eat it too. She didn't take your feelings much into account when she forced this arrangement on you, and you seem to be repaying her in kind. Are you really sure it's worth staying married to this woman?

  • [-]
  • snsv
  • 38 Points
  • 19:41:20, 4 November

She ate her cake, got her cake, and now wants his cake too.

  • [-]
  • deliciouscrab
  • 12 Points
  • 22:18:38, 4 November

It's actually worse. If she wanted his cake, that would be greed. Having had and eaten her own cake, she wants to deny him his cake. Which is closer to spite.

  • [-]
  • CynicalMisanthrope
  • 10 Points
  • 01:47:00, 5 November

Oh dear, this is a /r/TheRedPill dream come true...

  • [-]
  • IDontFuckingThinkSo
  • 28 Points
  • 18:51:04, 4 November

Honestly, if you agree to close off your marriage and break up with the girlfriend because your wife wants you to, then within a few months your wife is going to be wanting to bang other guys again. Maybe she'll want to reopen the marriage, maybe she'll just cheat on you.

>this was never meant to be an open relationship but it was more so her pass to fuck other guys and she didn't think I could get an attractive girl myself.

This is exactly what happened. I don't know if I could deal with that. Only you know if you can.

  • [-]
  • Willowtree213
  • 25 Points
  • 19:29:50, 4 November

Look, if you want to keep your marriage, you're going to have to close the relationship again, but your wife's selfishness is really unsettling. Open marriage only works if both partners are okay; you weren't okay, she guilts you into continuing anyway. This is a huge problem.

Her manipulating you is also a huge problem. Her theatrics when you see your new girl and her bribing you with "special sex" is manipulative. She's manipulated you before, she's a pro!

If she wants to close the marriage and you want to keep her, the marriage will have to be closed. I serious suggest counseling, though, because there are some real problems here or at least there will be when she wants to re-open the marriage when GF is out of the picture. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if "special sex" is under lock and key again, too. That's why I say go to counseling- get your expectations voiced and aligned.

  • [-]
  • Nievvein
  • 12 Points
  • 00:55:30, 5 November

When one party wants to close the relationship, you close the relationship. Immediately. Even if it's just to take time to talk it over. You're just making it worse by continuing to see this girl when your WIFE already expressed her feelings and requested everything stops. You could have done the same thing when she wanted to - said no. You didn't. Now you're just acting a bit immature while thinking otherwise, as someone you're supposed to care about suffers.

So now it's time to knock it off, and start talking to each other. Get into therapy/counseling. Decide whether or not an open relationship is something you both can still do. If one is against and one is for it with no leeway... it's time to consider ending the marriage.

  • [-]
  • sidestreet
  • 1 Points
  • 14:16:11, 5 November

Not that it makes the situation better, but I think you missed the part in the comments where he said he didn't want an open relationship and she said she was going to do it anyway. Or the times she guilted him into continuing when he said he didn't want to. This whole thing is an unhealthy mess.

  • [-]
  • Nievvein
  • 2 Points
  • 15:04:28, 5 November

And to which I responded why does that matter? He could have outright said no. And then told her closed or divorce, especially if she was unwilling to go to counseling. You don't have to bend over backwards to please someone's every whim, you can get out of the situation.

Now he's just acting as petty and immature as she did.

  • [-]
  • happyplains
  • 42 Points
  • 21:04:43, 4 November
  1. Put the brakes on with the 19 year old
  2. Work on communicating with your wife. Talk about your feelings. Talk about her feelings. Talk about getting her needs met. Talk about getting your needs met.
  3. Forget about this 11 vs. 2 scorekeeping. She's not being fair to you, but harping on fairness and equality will not get you anywhere. Even if her feelings are completely stupid, she is still feeling her feelings and you can't make them go away by telling her they're stupid.

Outside of this issue....pleeeeeeease re-evaluate dating 19 year olds.

  • [-]
  • MelSimba
  • 8 Points
  • 02:47:14, 5 November

>Forget about this 11 vs. 2 scorekeeping.

This, right here. If you think marriage is about keeping score, you're gonna have a bad time.

  • [-]
  • mazer__rackham
  • 18 Points
  • 21:13:03, 4 November

I had to read to the end of this thread for someone to say something about a 35 year old getting on with a 19 year old.... wow.

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • -5 Points
  • 21:10:48, 4 November

Wife didn't care much for my feelings, if I go back and do what she asks what kind of precedent does that set? that she can step all over me.

  • [-]
  • yuudachi
  • 20 Points
  • 22:53:54, 4 November

If your wife does not care about your feelings, why are you still married to her?

  • [-]
  • happyplains
  • 24 Points
  • 21:25:40, 4 November

Look dude, this is why people are telling you to get counseling. You and your wife had a massive communication breakdown when you agreed to the open relationship, since what you really meant was, "Ok you can do it but I'll never forgive you for it." The fact that she's altering the terms of the agreement now is really unfair to you, but you are never ever ever going to make any progress on this problem as long as you stay hung up on that.

You have every right to be upset with her but disregarding her feelings because she disregarded yours is going to make your marriage worse, not better. You know what they say about two wrongs.

If you aren't going to put your foot down about counseling then you have a lot of work to do on your own to forgive each other and decide where you want things to go in the future.

  • [-]
  • Jimmy2e
  • 2 Points
  • 22:00:40, 4 November

OP said his wife won't do counseling.

  • [-]
  • nigelthecat
  • 5 Points
  • 07:17:49, 5 November

I feel like if he said "I'll stop banging this teenager (ewww) if you agree to counseling" she'd probably say yes.

  • [-]
  • Jimmy2e
  • 1 Points
  • 13:41:16, 5 November

I don't thinking have sex with a 19 year old is (ewww), what I think is eww forcing her husband into an open relationship and then having sex with a new man every 2 months.

She victimized OP for over two years and didn't care with how much it hurt him, so why should he now?

It's time that he stop being a doormat.

  • [-]
  • reading_steiner
  • 20 Points
  • 21:12:47, 4 November

For your sake, you need to grow a back bone, and leave your wife. She has been shitting all over you.

  • [-]
  • Scrapple666
  • 2 Points
  • 07:55:23, 5 November

She already proved that when she refused to go to counseling and started banging other guys against your wishes. If you want a wife who's worried about your feelings, she is not that wife.

  • [-]
  • verysuper
  • 3 Points
  • 21:15:51, 4 November

haha your wife stepped all over you when she banged 11 guys..

  • [-]
  • happyplains
  • -1 Points
  • 21:26:00, 4 November

Shut the fuck up.

  • [-]
  • verysuper
  • 3 Points
  • 21:31:47, 4 November

sorry man, anger is a natural response but you need to see the facts here.. sometimes brutal honesty is the only way

  • [-]
  • Feckless
  • 4 Points
  • 08:49:09, 5 November

OP, the marriage is over and you know it. She was selfish in the past and bullied you into an open relationship and you are still hurt and not over the pain. Now you want revenge and hurt her in a similar way. While I understand the desire for revenge, this will kill the marriage. Or maybe it is already dead because your wife killed it. Anyhow, my point is, marriage is dead, it is time to move on. Act your age...and safe some of your dignity.

  • [-]
  • N2theoah
  • 19 Points
  • 19:01:21, 4 November

I think that people are being a bit harsh. Marriage means different things to each couple. I am sure you both talked about an open relationship for many conversations, and the rules about it. What were your rules? Were either of you able to call it off at any time? Could you make your SO call off a relationship with any of her dudes?

From the sound of it, she might be more concerned with you having an all out relationship with another girl, than the actual sex part. Did your wife have an all out relationship with any of these other dudes?

I understand where you are coming from, and I think it would hurt, at first, to have my wife ask for a similar situation. The thing to remember if its working for both of you, may be the rules just need a bit of tweeking. Sex might be ok in this instance but actual romantic connections might be a bit to far.

Does your GF know that you are married? Would it make your wife more comfortable to meet her? Would it make her more comfortable to be with you and her, so she can feel a part of what you and your GF do on your own? I really sounds like you just need to have as frank of a conversation as you did when you first decided to open the relationship.

To all the people that said he should leave her or she sounds awful, GROW UP. Sex can be just that for some people, the physical action can have a disconnect from the emotions. The idea that sex would destroy what seems like a perfectly pleasant relationship is rediculous. Infidelity is one thing, because of the lie and the disconnect, but having an open conversation about wanting to experience different people does not need to be a deal breaker.

  • [-]
  • zaneluke
  • 8 Points
  • 20:32:17, 4 November

I would not leave her at all. I think this is a set of circumstances that got out of the wife's control, and she is used to being in control.

  • [-]
  • dripless_cactus
  • 9 Points
  • 20:40:14, 4 November

You may want to take up this issue on r/nonmonogamy and/or r/polyamory. It seems to me a lot of the advice you are getting are from people who don't really understand open relationships and are having reactionary responses.

  • [-]
  • vortican
  • 68 Points
  • 18:34:19, 4 November

This is why you don't do dumb shit like "open relationships" in a marriage. If one woman isn't enough for you, then get divorced. That should have been your response when she spouted this line of bullshit:

>Later in our marriage wife expressed to me that it was unfair and she wanted to have other experiences too.

Unfair? Fuck, she could have fucked a ton of guys before you if she'd wanted. She chose not to. Too bad.

> I am starting to get the feeling that this was never meant to be an open relationship but it was more so her pass to fuck other guys and she didn't think I could get an attractive girl myself.

Very likely that's exactly what it was, which is why it's always a stupid idea to go along with this shit.

Either close up the marriage and get thee to counseling, or ditch your wife, fuck the young hot broad for a while until you break up, and be alone.

I hope you don't have kids.

  • [-]
  • dexterpoopybaby
  • 37 Points
  • 18:51:05, 4 November

I think open relationships are only "dumb shit" when people don't really think about it deeply or only do it to appease their partners. Plenty of people have successfully open relationships for years, or even the duration of the relationship. This guy was just desperate to cling onto his marriage.

  • [-]
  • dripless_cactus
  • 11 Points
  • 20:33:35, 4 November

This is baseless. There are lots of open relationships that work out.

They do require trust and mutual openness though.

  • [-]
  • Cooper720
  • -1 Points
  • 20:59:53, 4 November

> This is why you don't do dumb shit like "open relationships" in a marriage.

You know, just because you don't want an open marriage doesn't mean its a bad idea for everyone. There are millions it has worked out for.

  • [-]
  • vortican
  • -3 Points
  • 21:06:45, 4 November

That depends a lot on your definition of "open marriage" and "worked out."

Know what they call an open marriage where only one partner knows it's open? Cheating.

If you say you have an open marriage and you end up getting divorced, does that mean it "worked out?"

I'd love to see some statistical information about long-term married people who have a so-called open marriage to lend some evidence to the claim that open marriages survive for the long term all the time, but so far, nobody's been able to provide that data.

  • [-]
  • dripless_cactus
  • 16 Points
  • 21:19:39, 4 November

There's a huge difference between ethical non-monogamy (ie, an open marriage) and cheating. Don't be silly.

And the majority of monogamous relationships also don't "work out" so who's to say which works better? As far as statistics that'd be interesting and I'd love to see them too. In the meantime let's not make broad sweeping generalizations about peoples' relationship choices... so long as they are choices.

  • [-]
  • vortican
  • 0 Points
  • 21:29:26, 4 November

Point I'm making is that definition of terms is extremely important in gathering this data, much less analyzing it. In fact, that's part of the problem from the research I have read. We can't get exact numbers on how many successful non-monogamous couples there are because the question of what an open marriage is has not been portrayed in such a way as to gather accurate data, and that there's been virtually no data collected on survival rates.

As for the majority of monogamous relationships working out or not, the fact that there are a fuckton more of them, and even if we say that half of them work out, that's a fuckton more happy monogamous people than there are happy "open marriage" people.

In a culture where monogamy is the norm and "open marriage" is still not well understood, people choosing this lifestyle already has the deck stacked against them. Even if they have an understanding about what it is and what they want out of it, cultural bias is quite strong even if we don't realize it. Furthermore, there seems to be a lot of trouble with folks who have tried this distinguishing between a desire for sexual variety while still having a strong emotional commitment to one person vs. horniness for thrills and a blank check.

  • [-]
  • dripless_cactus
  • 1 Points
  • 23:04:20, 4 November

Well actually the point you were making is that open marriages are dumb and people should just get divorced... But ok, I'll pretend to ignore your original premise.

Your argument becomes ridiculous if you replace "monogamy" with "heterosexuality" and "open marriage" with "gay marriage." The fact that something is mainstream does not make it superior or more viable than an alternative option.

In any case, duh, obviously there are far more examples of happy monogamous relationships (if you consider serial monogamy, our mainstream model, to be a monogamous structure... ) because there is a much larger sample size. But I know of many successful non-monogamous relationships anecdotally. Personally I am in an open marriage and it seems to have been working well for the last year and a half.

  • [-]
  • vortican
  • 2 Points
  • 15:05:27, 5 November

Call me when you hit 20 years or so.

  • [-]
  • dripless_cactus
  • 1 Points
  • 15:15:51, 5 November

Given that you've already decided your stance on the issue, that sounds incredibly pointless.

Out of curiosity though, hypothetically, what if in 20 years my marriage is over but one (or more) of my other relationships has lasted? Or- what if I've had many relationships that didn't last more than a few years but ended amicably and I am still friends with them and incredibly happy in the lifestyle? Would you count these scenarios as failures or successes by your standards?

  • [-]
  • vortican
  • 2 Points
  • 15:21:15, 5 November

I'm more than willing to entertain the notion that open marriages can be as successful as traditional marriages. I simply have no evidence that it is so, especially not on a large scale. A few out of the millions you indicate exist is not enough to convince anyone that it's more likely to succeed than fail.

If you're happy and not hurting anyone, that's all that matters. Some folks are perfectly happy without marriage and some folks don't need a label on their relationship. I'm just questioning whether the model of primary partners in a relationship allowing extracurricular sex can last as long as a monogamous relationship.

  • [-]
  • Cooper720
  • 1 Points
  • 13:18:38, 5 November

> As for the majority of monogamous relationships working out or not, the fact that there are a fuckton more of them, and even if we say that half of them work out, that's a fuckton more happy monogamous people than there are happy "open marriage" people.

What if I told you most of the people in open relationships don't advertise it to the whole world and many relationships you thought were monogamous were in fact open?

  • [-]
  • vortican
  • 1 Points
  • 15:02:47, 5 November

If you could provide me some evidence of that, I'd be glad to consider it. I'm sure the people in open relationships don't advertise it. That doesn't mean there are more of them than we think.

  • [-]
  • Cooper720
  • 1 Points
  • 15:22:53, 5 November

Read any discussion forums dedicated to open relationships or kink. Go to a swingers event and just look how many happy couples are in open marriages. Listen to the savage love podcast. Basically go anywhere where open relationship couples aren't insulted and attacked for their life choices and you will discover how many there are. It is next to impossible to get an actual percent statistic since so many won't identify because people call it "dumb shit" when they do.

  • [-]
  • vortican
  • 1 Points
  • 15:28:56, 5 November

I don't have any trouble believing these couples exist so there's no need for me to prove to myself that they do. I'm looking for information on a larger scale. People have stated that there are "millions" of these couples. I can't possibly go anywhere to see millions, thousands, or even hundreds of these couples, nor would it answer my question about longevity.

I agree that there is a problem gathering the state and I'm not sure how to overcome that and perhaps there is a stigma that I'm perpetrating but I'm not sure that it isn't deserved. In a society that values monogamy, and the mounds of evidence on the benefits that it offers to people, with the lack of evidence in support of the same for open relationships, it's tough to believe an argument that people in open relationships can have just as much success with their partners in the long term.

  • [-]
  • Cooper720
  • 1 Points
  • 15:39:10, 5 November

> In a society that values monogamy, and the mounds of evidence on the benefits that it offers to people, with the lack of evidence in support of the same for open relationships

You're kidding right? The scientic and anthropology community has proven that humans are not naturally monogamous. Monogamy is an entirely social construct that is actually quite recent in our relative history as a way of passing off property to our children. There are a ton of books published looking at the empirical data of this, the most popular being sex at dawn.

  • [-]
  • inveterateasshole
  • 10 Points
  • 18:51:05, 4 November

It sounds like the two of you have different ideas of what will make this open relationship equitable. You're worried about her number. She's worried about how hot your partner is.

I've seen a lot of open relationships from the outside (never had one, myself), but one thing I have noticed is that those couples to a lot of checking in with each other, and have strong opinions about their mate's mates.

Poly isn't something you can just do. Everything in our upbringing militates against it. You need to find a poly community so that you can learn how to handle things without jealousy. That way, also, poly men can meet more poly women. As you mentioned, poly gets women laid a lot more than men.

  • [-]
  • BabalonRising
  • 12 Points
  • 21:16:06, 4 November

> It sounds like the two of you have different ideas of what will make this open relationship equitable. You're worried about her number. She's worried about how hot your partner is.

I'm going to take a wild guess and speculate that of the eleven guys she was with, at least a few had OP "beat" by various metrics of physical attractiveness.

This isn't about wildly different priorities, or some similar misunderstanding. This whole situation has hypocrisy written all over it. OP was manipulated into this whole mess, and now his wife is trying to do the same to get out of it.

  • [-]
  • Nievvein
  • 7 Points
  • 01:04:33, 5 November

He really wasn't manipulated into anything. He must've agreed to it at some point instead of outright stating "Counseling or no deal" and then say he'd divorce her if she did it anyway.

  • [-]
  • verysuper
  • 15 Points
  • 20:43:32, 4 November

hahahah you let your wife bang 11 guys and she tries to close it when you find a second..

you married a real winner there

  • [-]
  • IWillListen_7Cups
  • 4 Points
  • 23:16:06, 4 November

There may be two reasons for your wife's behavior - either she is jealous of this girl and feels insecure, or she thinks you are emotionally involved with this girl and will leave your wife for her. Either ways, it is insecurity which she is not being able to deal with. Ask yourself what you really want - since your wife disapproves of your relationship with the other girl, she will not be happy with your behavior anyhow. Things may get complicated and will cause fights, stress, and unpleasant feelings between the two of you. If you leave this girl, what are the chances that your wife will stick to the closed marriage? If you are not emotionally involved, you can try taking a break and see how much your wife sticks to the closed marriage. Experiment and take a call.

  • [-]
  • Sommiel
  • 3 Points
  • 08:29:38, 5 November

And this is why open relationships do not always work.

  • [-]
  • _Walter-White_
  • 11 Points
  • 22:44:03, 4 November

As a married male, I'm going against the grain here and telling you to stand your ground. She wanted to open up the relationship and now she should at least have to live with it.

If you back down, it's not much different than someone taking back a serial cheater. You'll be just a doormat to her desires. She just didn't expect you to find someone that she feels is better than her.

Your wife needs to compromise on this. Maybe set a "close" date to your open marriage but I wouldn't be hastily dumping the other girl. In fact, Id be reevaluating the marriage altogether.

  • [-]
  • sillypuppy215
  • 3 Points
  • 10:55:03, 5 November

Do you guys not even know what an open relationship is? Because once one party wants to end it, it becomes cheating.

  • [-]
  • _Walter-White_
  • 1 Points
  • 15:29:23, 5 November

I do, and it'a just as one sided as this man's relationship.

  • [-]
  • reading_steiner
  • 13 Points
  • 19:45:19, 4 November

Your wife is so god damn selfish. She cares about herself more than anything on this planet. You are a very very distant second.

  • [-]
  • Kawoomba
  • 10 Points
  • 19:59:34, 4 November

Well, she didn't mind with the 11 dudes, eh?

  • [-]
  • Master_Z
  • 9 Points
  • 20:22:25, 4 November

Your wife is manipulative, seems only her happiness matters.

  • [-]
  • faithsfallen
  • 2 Points
  • 13:17:24, 5 November

Your first mistake was opening the marriage if you weren't completely happy with it. If your now wife wanted more 'life experiences' before she got married she should not said yes.

Anyway to your situation now it looks like you were guilted into an open relationship which you did under duress (don't know the background) and now that you have found someone that threatens your wife she is having a problem and rightly so. As you have built a friendship with this girl.

However to make it a numbers game she has now slept with more men than you have women I personally because of the original reason for opening the relationship tell your wife that you will stop with this girl and that the relationship stays open until you are on equal numbers so that you don't 'miss out on life experiences,

This girl may be a threat to your marriage so remove it, but to make the situation equal I believe you should be allowed as many partners as your wife has had due to the original argument made by her.

  • [-]
  • agireda
  • 8 Points
  • 22:05:16, 4 November

Kind of surprised you can do this knowing it's making your wife cry at home. When you're done being selfish to punish her for being selfish, you should probably agree to close the marriage. It doesn't sound like either of you are/were prepared for it at all.

  • [-]
  • Karissa36
  • 6 Points
  • 21:07:38, 4 November

I think your wife is being very unfair. She expected you to deal with jealousy for two years, even though most of that time you weren't getting any on the side. Now she doesn't want to deal with it, even though she can get someone else easily. I suggest you tell her that you will reconsider the open marriage in a year, but you aren't closing it just as soon as you started getting some of the benefits.

  • [-]
  • Andhareall
  • 4 Points
  • 03:36:13, 5 November

How could she fuck up by sleeping with 11 guys if you gave your consent? If what you say is true and she did threaten to do it whether or not you wanted her to, at that point you should have looked into divorce.

You gave your consent. That is ultimately where your fault lies. You should have gotten the fuck out of dodge when she threatened you with infidelity the first time. But you stuck it out and now you two have to work through this together. You need to take her feelings into consideration and stop being so vindictive.

Answer this if you want, but I'm honestly curious as to why you want to remain married to her. It sounds like a lot of resentment has built up because of her sexual encounters, and unless you're willing to work it out with her or get counseling with her over your forced agreement, I do not foretell your marriage being a prosperous one. From what I can see your marriage is over for you.

  • [-]
  • more-anonamous
  • 7 Points
  • 20:22:59, 4 November

Stay that course , friend. You are finally getting the benefits of a mutually agreed upon contract.

  • [-]
  • Jaysaaa
  • 5 Points
  • 01:03:12, 5 November

All these comments I read, this is sick. Wife wanted the open relationship, he kept his mouth shut and let her do it, she sees him with another, she realizes she only wants him and is jealous and to close the relationship. Once she showed that, he should have closed it. He should've told her in the beginning he wanted to close the relationship instead of letting her whore around. Now he is destroying his marriage so he can bang some 19yo. Marriage is supposed to be two loving people who want to be together til the end, and he's trying to ruin that for sex. He's going to lose his wife.

  • [-]
  • nigelthecat
  • 3 Points
  • 06:54:56, 5 November

If your wife said she wants to close the marriage and you are still sleeping with this girl, you are now officially cheating on your wife.

  • [-]
  • buffal0gal
  • 6 Points
  • 00:11:57, 5 November

"Hanging out a good bit" with another woman IS having an emotional affair. If your open marriage was supposed to be no strings attached, you've been cheating. Yes, you CAN cheat on an open marriage.

  • [-]
  • Zahne1977
  • 4 Points
  • 22:42:12, 4 November

Seems like she's had her fun, and you haven't had your fun. You've had to deal with the hurt of her being with these 11 guys, and she hasn't really needed to deal with the hurt of you being with any women until now.

> I did tell my wife how I felt about the whole thing, but she would guilt me really hard for feeling the way I did.

This was the point where your wife should have closed the relationship back up. She wasn't being respectful to you, and she was clearly putting her casual fucks ahead of your relationship.

> Wife ended up finding my gf on Facebook, and now she wants to close up the marriage.

So now the tables have turned, and you can get your revenge right? Well, except - that's not how a healthy relationship works. This is that point where you can be free to remind her what her answer was when you expressed unhappiness. But don't throw her under the bus permanently over her mistake earlier in your relationship.

If you love your wife? You should be the bigger person and you should get rid of this girlfriend. If you care about your marriage and you want it to last? You should close things back up again.

You know how it felt when your wife was hitting you with guilt trips. Don't be an asshole and make a point of beating her up emotionally over her mistake. Feel free to remind her as you close the relationship back up though.

A suggestion: You can close your relationship back up, and still swing with other couples together. If you are swinging as a couple, with couples? There should be no emotional attachment and you both will get equal play.

  • [-]
  • george37370
  • 3 Points
  • 04:41:13, 5 November

The precedent this sets for the wife is just too twisted. She's shown herself to be completely selfish and manipulative.

He would be giving in and basically getting bullied into a situation where she can fuck anyone she wants to but he's not allowed to fuck anyone at all. If he allows her to walk all over him in that way, she'll never learn anything.

She has zero respect for him. Basically, she thought she could do better but he couldn't. The moment a hot 19 year old comes along she realized her mistake. Never mind that she showed no consideration for his jealousy when she bullied her husband into dealing with those same feelings for TWO years with ELEVEN guys.

This was always about her. Her husband is so low in her eyes that she just assumed he'd never be able to land a hot young girl.

In my opinion here there's nothing to save. OP should divorce her immediately for showing her true colours, but I don't blame him for doing what he's doing given how great his situation is right now. He's laughing.

  • [-]
  • sillypuppy215
  • 2 Points
  • 11:05:03, 5 November

Um, where does it say that she wants it to only be open on her end? Because you're all just pulling that from nowhere.

  • [-]
  • 1Timer1
  • 4 Points
  • 01:49:33, 5 November

This is simply a sexual power play on her part.

I know that this is, perhaps, a bit harsh and judgmental but I think you're being "played". Your wife found it very convenient to start an open marriage but now that you are an actual participant in the open marriage "sexcapades" she's finding it, well, inconvenient.

So I'd put it to her this way:

You had many months of open marriage sex, I've now had a couple of months of open marriage sex. When I have had as many months of open marriage sex as you then, and only then, we can talk about closing the marriage. So, right now, we can close the marriage in (I don't know, just guessing at a date) July 2015. If you resume having open marriage sex before that date then that will simply push out the date when we close the marriage.

I doubt she'll accept those conditions, though, and here's why: I think her initial discussion with you had nothing to do with her lack of experiences. I think she wanted to hurt you. In short, I think there's a relationship dynamic here that is a bit more complex than you've described. But, frankly, even if it is more complex it comes down to this: if she wants a marriage with you then she will agree to the scenario I've described above; if she doesn't want a marriage with you then she'll find it too difficult to abstain until the two of you can close and reconnect.

I'm looking forward to your update when you tell us what the two of you have decided to do.

  • [-]
  • zaneluke
  • 6 Points
  • 20:28:40, 4 November

>she admitted that she is threatend by the girl I am with because she is so attractive.

I saw that coming.

>Since then wife has stopped going out and cries when I am out with my new girl.

Good

>She has also tried to be more pleasant and do more chores around the house in hopes that I end up leaving my new girl.

She should have been doing this in the first place.

I think that you guys could benefit from some counseling. I also think your wife needs to know that she does not own the privilege to all the major relationship levers. She does not get to pull them when she wants them. I also think that she is now finding that out.

Your wife is also probably realizing that as she ages, she is becoming less desirable, while on teh other hand you are becoming more attractive.

I say let her stew in it a little.

  • [-]
  • DealWithThat
  • 4 Points
  • 23:15:41, 4 November

Where your wife feels like she had meaningless sex with those guys, she's worried you're starting a real emotional relationship with someone else. That's not what she was looking for. You're hurting her right now and you're going to have to either separate from your girlfriend or from her, but she's the one you married. Things can't go on the way they are right now.

  • [-]
  • throwddddddd
  • 4 Points
  • 23:31:56, 4 November

Again the girl I am with has another guy she hooks up with. Has on interest in a relationship as she is in college let alone with a married guy she doesn't want to be around in public with.

  • [-]
  • DealWithThat
  • 6 Points
  • 23:44:28, 4 November

That's not the way it seems to your wife though, and hers is the view you need to be considering. Don't describe anyone you're not emotionally involved with as a girlfriend.

  • [-]
  • Anderfail
  • 2 Points
  • 23:10:53, 4 November

You have your wife pegged perfectly. She didn't want an open relationship, she just wanted to fuck other men with your permission while you stayed home like a good little cuckold. Now that you have found a good FWB/gf, she's using emotionally and sexually manipulative tactics to get her way because she now feels insecure.

Honestly? GOOD. Your wife sounds like a sociopath. She has majors issues and if you give in, then she will go right back to fucking other men again. Trust me when I tell you that she almost certainly doesn't give a shit about you.

This is exactly why open relationships almost always fail miserably.

  • [-]
  • MrBleah
  • 1 Points
  • 18:44:59, 4 November

Here's the thing, these open relationships thrive on communication, but that doesn't mean jealousy doesn't enter the picture. It's pretty much a given that people will experience jealousy, especially in the initial stages of a new relationship with an outside partner.

I think it's admirable that you would give your wife the freedom to explore relationships with other men despite your jealousy. It seems as if you both want to be with the other person, but at the same time experience sexual relations with other people. I think communication here is key, because you have to make your wife understand that this new person is not a replacement for her, that she isn't an emotional partner the way your wife is for you just as the men she has been with haven't been emotionally connected at the same level as you are with her.

Now, assuming that's the truth of the matter, then she should have no real objections to the situation assuming you are following the rules you both laid out when this started. It does sound like she is playing this situation the wrong way, guilt tripping you into accepting what she is doing points to a lack of understanding on her part about jealousy and how it manifests itself and her further behavior now also points to a double standard on her part. She obviously doesn't enjoy being in the same position that you were in, but point out that this is the same thing you were feeling when she initially started doing this. It's going to be hard to do this without seeming to rub it in her face though, but it is really necessary for her to understand that you care about her and this relationship doesn't threaten what you have with each other.

  • [-]
  • eatyourchildren
  • 2 Points
  • 05:46:07, 5 November

Your wife is the pits.

  • [-]
  • sillypuppy215
  • 2 Points
  • 10:33:31, 5 November

You're acting like a selfish jerk. You agreed to open up the relationship. At any point, you could have asked her to stop. But you didn't. She didn't force you into it, you could have said no, or left her at any time. But you agreed, and didn't stop it.

How you spent your nights while she was out is not her fault. It wasn't her job to find dates for you. And yeah, she probably is threatened that you're seeing a 19 year old regularly, but that doesn't mean she just expected you to sit home all the time. Maybe it did actually take her seeing you with another woman for her to realize that this isn't what she wanted after all, and that is ok.

Getting revenge on her because you're not "even" is just cruel and retarded. Either close the marriage, or get a fucking divorce, because neither of you are mature enough to handle an open relationship. I mean, seriously, you didn't act maturely at all, you just let the resentment build and now all you can think about is revenge instead of, idk, about your WIFE's happiness.

  • [-]
  • Ksong11
  • 2 Points
  • 06:05:20, 5 November

This is why "open" relationships are toxic and will never work. Fuck that shit. The mere suggestion of me makes me recoil and feel physically sick. It undermines the entire purpose of a relationship let alone a marriage. Your wife wasn't ready for marriage and now the both of you are paying the consequences.

  • [-]
  • actuallyitistheft
  • 2 Points
  • 07:23:39, 5 November

i was in a semi-similar situation as you, and just like you, was severely downvoted before when i posted it on here so i went through the entire thread and upvoted everything post you made, just because i think we're somewhat kindred spirits and you don't deserve all the vitriol here. people here don't seem to understand how painful it is to be manipulated into a situation where your other half is out there in the open fucking other guys, while you are made to feel like a complete chump. as mentioned, i was in a similar position before and i know exactly how you feel. and i mean EXACTLY - we even have a similar situation where my ex-girlfriend was financially dependent on me, i had similar revenge thoughts, etc.

what i can say, having gone through it myself, is that you are right - there is no going back to what it used to be. i stayed with my girlfriend for about a year after she went out to fuck other dudes without my knowledge or permission. for complicated reasons i don't want to go into, i didn't consider it strictly cheating but it certainly felt that way. i didn't like it, and wanted to leave but she ultimately stopped it and came back around. just like your wife, she was desperate to keep me and was super ultra nice and started being extra clingy such as taking photos and GPS locations and sending them to me every time she went out, as well as asking for permission to go anywhere even slightly suspicious. i liked the power and control i had over her, and she didn't complain at all... she seemed to enjoy keeping me assured and pacified. however, i never felt even with her and desperately wanted to get back at her. i thought i loved her enough to stay with her, but i didn't realize that wasn't true until we eventually broke up for unrelated reasons, and then i realized after the initial heartbreak that i felt so much more relieved to be able to get a fresh start with someone else. the resentment for cheating on me, for making me a cuckold... it never dissipated. it was always there, and i managed to bury it deep inside my psyche but it never goes away. it surfaces once in a while when i'm angry or stressed or annoyed with her. it all went away once we broke up. i felt so much lighter.

i guess all i'm saying is: i understand you don't want divorce because deep down you believe you still love her and you still feel something for her. what i can say is, dude you're not that old yet and sounds like you have your affairs in order - prenup, financial stability, no kids, reasonably attractive considering you were able to hook up with a 19 year old (high five btw). get out, and find someone better because it certainly sounds like you can. and you should, because nobody deserves to remain in a relationship where resentment is always going to be lurking in the shadows, no matter how hard you try to kill that demon.

  • [-]
  • canyonmist
  • 2 Points
  • 10:03:22, 5 November

> eople here don't seem to understand how painful it is to be manipulated into a situation where your other half is out there in the open fucking other guys, while you are made to feel like a complete chump.

We understand. But that doesn't mean we are not going to suggest NOT staying in an extremely abusive and unhealthy tit-for-tat relationship that has no chance of being worked out because both parties are two resentful to bother trying, a marriage built on hate and getting even and not love and respect. Or that someone who does what he is doing is a decent and healthy, well-adjusted human being.

OP may wind up "getting even" but for what? What will he get out of it at the end? This will turn him into a sad shell of a human being. He'd be better off divorcing, healing, and starting over.

  • [-]
  • actuallyitistheft
  • 1 Points
  • 12:40:04, 5 November

if you finish reading my whole post, you'll find that we pretty much end up saying the same thing.

  • [-]
  • CrouxR
  • 4 Points
  • 22:51:59, 4 November

Your wife sounds extremely selfish. 11 guys and giving you shit for 2 when she is the one who wanted it. In your position, I would start looking into a divorce.

  • [-]
  • blu37ay
  • 1 Points
  • 22:12:55, 4 November

All the the other comments trying to excuse the wife's behavior because she's only in it for the sex whereas OP is emotionally invested is complete bullshit. Perhaps her intentions were initially about getting sexual experience with more partners, but after 11 guys that's no longer an excuse. She's insecure because OP found someone younger and potentially more interesting than her. When she initiate the open relationship policy it clearly wasn't with the intent of it being open at both ends. Saying it takes two to open a marriage but only one to close isn't unfair, it's absurd. Decisions made together should be ended together. This fundamental concept doesn't just apply to relationships, it applies to all contracts and agreements. The wife needs to handle her insecurity with more maturity and learn to trust her husband. If she can't achieve either of those, their marriage will have many, many more issues down the line, regardless of whether or not OP agrees to a closed relationship.

  • [-]
  • Guytodie
  • 1 Points
  • 13:59:19, 5 November

A 19y/o fuckbuddy is pretty fucked up

  • [-]
  • gyarurabaa
  • 1 Points
  • 15:10:04, 5 November

Jesus christ... Open relationships are bullshit.

  • [-]
  • foshrox
  • 1 Points
  • 15:43:50, 5 November

Your wife sucks man sorry to say it. I would be livid if she fucked 11 other guys while you are saw 2 girls, and she has the audacity to say that you have both had your fun???? Heres what will happen. You dump your gf, your wife is happy for a month or two that all your attention is on her. She then gets bored and will be too afraid to ask to open the relationship again and then will start cheating on you.. bring on the downvotes but just reading this post pissed me off badly.

  • [-]
  • halfascoolashansolo
  • 1 Points
  • 15:49:59, 5 November

Sounds like she is having the same feelings you had about thinking about her with other men. She didn't really do much to ease your mind there, but it could be helpful to do it for her.

It sounds like you didn't want the open marriage to begin with. Now she doesn't either. This would be a good start to mending things.

But you would have to break up with your new girlfriend.

  • [-]
  • thaharlsta
  • 1 Points
  • 05:03:14, 5 November

OP, don't listen to all these women in here trying to justify your wifes behaviour. Keep on with the younger girl. Maybe she's worth leaving your wife for, these are risks you run in open relationships and your wife should have realised that instead of trying to have her cake and eat it too.

The fact she's doing this is hugely disrespectful to you, she clearly thought you would never do well enough for her to have to worry. She thought she was too goo dfor you even. Fuck her, this is the consequance of her actions.

  • [-]
  • zombieeathart
  • 1 Points
  • 04:53:55, 5 November

This is sickening. This literally kicks nausea, yet I can't stop reading all op's comments.

You know you have no chance with this 19 year old. She's not going to stay your gf. Your wife, on the other hand, is jealous enough to be upset. It really just sounds like you two should not be together.

I wish I could read what your wife feels and how she worries.