MRW I kind of got dumped and then two of my good guy friends admit to liking me. (img.pandawhale.com)

TrollXChromosomes

1105 ups - 286 downs = 819 votes

130 comments submitted at 13:05:43 on Oct 19, 2013 by madamfray

  • [-]
  • rebelxwaltz
  • 45 Points
  • 16:05:06, 19 October

I'm probably being cynical but I've always found this to be a pretty selfish thing to do. After a breakup, I'm already under a lot of stress and emotionally unstable. Why would you throw this at me and just give me more to think about? Now, when I want to look to you for support, I'm wondering if you have ulterior motives-- which your timing makes me think you're trying to pray on me while I'm vulnerable. Thanks, that was just what I needed from a "good friend"

  • [-]
  • Tizzad
  • 13 Points
  • 17:08:58, 19 October

Why is that cynical? It's precisely that you're in a tough spot, emotionally vulnerable, maybe even looking to fill the void of dependency, that these people reveal themselves. They have a much better shot, in their minds, to get to have the kind of relationship they were interested in having. Even at the risk of damaging the relationship they did have, because they know you enough to know when their desires may be most convincing to you. Why even wonder about ulterior motives? It's proven already.

It's uglier than selfishness, I would think. It's manipulative.

  • [-]
  • fido5150
  • 5 Points
  • 17:37:11, 19 October

So they gather up the courage to lay all their cards on the table, before you move on to the next guy, and you're going to make it all about you?

And this shit about 'ulterior motives'... so you're saying that wanting to date you is a horrible thing, I guess?

  • [-]
  • rebelxwaltz
  • 21 Points
  • 18:52:53, 19 October

Yes! If you are really my friend, and I'm in a tough spot, it should be about me for a little while. If you can't handle it being about me, then don't make it about you, just leave me alone for a little while.

  • [-]
  • ilenka
  • 5 Points
  • 20:52:34, 19 October

Also, If I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable and generally sad because of a break up and you can't handle it being about me for a little while... you're neither a good friend nor someone I'd like to date someday.

  • [-]
  • peace_kitty
  • 38 Points
  • 18:30:46, 19 October

> So they gather up the courage to lay all their cards on the table, before you move on to the next guy, and you're going to make it all about you?

Lol! Yes! IT IS about her! "Gather up the courage to lay their cards on the table about liking the woman." It's totally about her. And about the fact that she just got out of a breakup. And you want her before anybody else gets her.

It's all about her! And the "her" is a heartbroken emotionally vulnerable friend who just wanted comfort. You're cracking me up; of course it's about her!

  • [-]
  • Crossroads_Wanderer
  • 24 Points
  • 18:15:23, 19 October

So you think that someone "gathering up the courage" to ask that is somehow more sympathetic than someone going through a bad breakup who doesn't want to deal with more emotional drama than she's already going through? It is "about her". They're doing something insensitive just because they want to make a move, but they aren't considering her feelings. They are behaving selfishly.

  • [-]
  • iUptvote
  • -7 Points
  • 18:35:14, 19 October

So should they make a move when the girl is in a relationship or after she is out of one? Or after she begins a new relationship with the next guy who came forward and asked her out? There is no winning with you, there is no way to be completely respectable and also ask a girl out before she has moved on.

  • [-]
  • Crossroads_Wanderer
  • 26 Points
  • 19:01:56, 19 October

You can wait a bit longer than right after she breaks up. You don't have to wait forever, just don't immediately pounce the second she's out of a relationship.

  • [-]
  • AquilaGlobumAncora
  • -8 Points
  • 19:54:02, 19 October

unfortunately, a lot of women who are sought after don't wait too long before moving on to the next guy, so excuse us for trying to get our foot in the door.

  • [-]
  • ilenka
  • 3 Points
  • 20:53:51, 19 October

And that's how you show the woman that you're not somebody she'd like to date.

  • [-]
  • AquilaGlobumAncora
  • 2 Points
  • 20:55:58, 19 October

How would you suggest the two gentlemen handle the situation then?

  • [-]
  • EmanNeercsEht
  • 3 Points
  • 21:05:30, 19 October

By being her friend, and after she's no longer an emotional wreck, at that point a move can be made. A few weeks, hell, even if she's found somebody she has an eye on there's still ample opportunity at that point to ask her out for dinner and have a serious conversation about feelings.

"Getting a foot in the door" is just about the ugliest way I've ever seen getting involved in a romantic relationship phrased, and all I can think of when it's said in this manner is male friends are huddled outside her home, peeking in the window and waiting for the first chance when she comes to open the door, even if it's just to let somebody in as a friend. You don't just barge your way in because you can.

And you may then wonder well how are they supposed to know when she's emotionally available? Well, that's the part of being a friend...she would tell them, or let them know she's moving on finally, or seem less sad. It's about being a friend first, not trying to get your dick in the door...on wait, sorry I meant foot.

  • [-]
  • ilenka
  • 1 Points
  • 21:46:16, 19 October

Beautifully put.

  • [-]
  • rebelxwaltz
  • 18 Points
  • 18:43:25, 19 October

They should make their move when the girl has recovered from the last relationship and is ready for a new one. If you jump the gun and she says no, you're an asshole, if you jump the gun and she says yes, it probably won't be a healthy relationship so actually, the only way there's no winning is if you don't give her the time she needs.

  • [-]
  • iUptvote
  • -13 Points
  • 18:56:34, 19 October

Yes and how do you know the girl has recovered from the last relationship and is ready for a new one. Oh yeah, she's dating someone new. If you have genuine feelings and want a real relationship the timing doesn't matter. If you wait too long you never get a chance.

  • [-]
  • rebelxwaltz
  • 20 Points
  • 19:02:57, 19 October

Well, again, if you really are her friend, you'd be up to date on these things, but fuck it, you're totally right... On the off chance that you miss a shot at a relationship with her, you should definitely pile more stress/drama onto her during a difficult time! That's a really great way to start your unhealthy relationship!

  • [-]
  • peace_kitty
  • 10 Points
  • 19:19:50, 19 October

Hold up, we're talking about FRIENDS here. Not a random acquaintance wanting to make a move on a woman. We're talking about two FRIENDS. If this whole time during the friendship you're just thinking about when to make your move, then you're not really her friend, and you're an asshole for making her think you were and then preying on her in her heartbroken state.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -1 Points
  • 19:35:12, 19 October

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • peace_kitty
  • 5 Points
  • 19:36:29, 19 October

Well this meme is about her needing alcohol to get through a distressing time, so she may not be "heartbroken" but she's obviously sad and distressed.

  • [-]
  • iUptvote
  • -8 Points
  • 19:44:45, 19 October

Jesus, your whole comment is filled with random judgments about me and my intentions I don't even know where to start.

First of all, you assume I'm "making a move" on my female friend (hypothetical here) and acting like my whole goal is to just sleep with her. Second of all, I'm talking about wanting to be in a relationship with someone and not just "making a move" on a random girl. And finally, you're the only judgmental asshole here for thinking I would prey on my friend.

  • [-]
  • mr_snugglykins
  • 1 Points
  • 21:10:48, 19 October

> your whole comment is filled with random judgments about me and my intentions

/u/peace_kitty was using generic you, not talking about *you* or *your* intentions specifically. It's quite commonly used in (informal) English, you know.

  • [-]
  • DuckTruck
  • 2 Points
  • 21:55:35, 19 October

Women are people, not game pieces.

  • [-]
  • pandasexual
  • -6 Points
  • 17:23:02, 19 October

Maybe... don't make friends with people you don't trust?

  • [-]
  • faunablues
  • 9 Points
  • 17:32:26, 19 October

I'm guessing you'd have little reason not to trust them until they revealed their intentions after a break-up.

  • [-]
  • pandasexual
  • -7 Points
  • 17:38:37, 19 October

Except according to your paranoid world view, you didn't really trust them in the first place. "Revealed their intentions" -- implying that every friend is just a predator whose "intentions" are just waiting to be revealed, and that your job is to use trickery to delay the big reveal as long as possible. God damn! They're your friends; you can trust them; don't assume ill intent from your friends of all people. Otherwise, it would actually be you who was never actually a friend.

  • [-]
  • faunablues
  • 1 Points
  • 22:13:44, 19 October

1) I'm not OP 2) "revealed their intentions" doesn't imply that EVERY friend has an ulterior motive. It meant that those two guys in particular DID (dunno if that was true, but the statement itself is hardly a sweeping inference)