OP is uncomfortable with her boyfriend's 14y old autistic brother removing her socks and tickling her feet against her will. Response? It's not that big a deal, get over it, you're a guest in their house, deal with it or don't go over, don't make it a "thing" or you're an insensitive drama queen. (np.reddit.com)
SubredditDrama
359 ups - 129 downs = 230 votes
201 comments submitted at 10:09:05 on Jan 27, 2014 by blorg
If he's really special needs it's entirely possible he is completely unaware of any wrongdoing on his part.
You can't cure autism by telling kids to stop being weird and socially unaware.
If you could there wouldn't be autism.
No, but you should be teaching them to try to remember to not do more than tap other people without permission, and stop touching them when they ask. It may be (much) more difficult to successfully do, but he needs to learn basic boundaries for his own benefit.
Sure.
But recognize that being autistic he isn't going to respond like a normal kid would.
That's why we tend to take intent in to consideration when discussing the severity/implication of various actions.
For a normal 25 year old man these actions would be very concerning.
For a mentally ill 14 year old? They're not great but I don't think he has any horrible intent.
He's 14. He's autistic, not stupid. If his parents haven't been drilling boundaries until now, they've been doing him a disservice. There doesn't have to be any malicious intent for it to be a problem. Apparently he's already fairly large, and if that behavior doesn't get stopped soon, it's going to cost him. He's going to have to learn how to deal with romantic attraction sometime, since it's coming up now, now is the time.
Autism means that he has little to no innate sense of social behavior. What it doesn't mean is that he's stupid and incapable of learning what he should and shouldn't do. It just means it's going to take more effort and more external support for him than most others.
*Additionally, autism isn't exactly a "mental illness" in the conventional sense. He's not crazy, and he is still a person who is responsible for his actions.
Agreed. I was diagnosed with autism at a young age but my parents treated me pretty normally, so I didn't develop any overly 'weird' habits like feet tickling. I still had very severe problems socialising and touching, but I've been working on those for about six years now and I'm doing a lot better - it's like going to University where everyone's good at, say, physics, while I know nothing about it. Sure, it's difficult, but I can still learn physics.
Good point. Part of being mentally ill is responding like everyone else and acting normally.
When mentally ill people don't act normal it's because they're assholes looking for attention.
You know what, I know you're trying to be progressive here, but you're actually just being incredibly patronizing.
Yes, I am an asshole.
I shall be more progressive: autistic kids are just normal kids who are faking it for attention. Just scream "be normal!" at them enough and they'll stop being weird.
If that doesn't work try hitting them.
You know what, fuck you. I have an anxiety disorder. Sometimes this makes me freak the fuck out for what seems like absolutely no good reason to other people. I can't make that go away, but what I can do is try to avoid situations where it becomes a problem. Now, this is less serious than autism and much easier to deal with but at the end of the day people can try to live with and work around mental illness.
Treating mentally ill people like wild animals that just can't help themselves is ridiculous and dehumanising.
> Now, this is less serious than autism and much easier to deal with but at the end of the day people can try to live with and work around mental illness.
No that's fair. Just like how people with depression are free to tell people with schizophrenia to just stop being crazy and deal with it, I mean they (the depression sufferers) aren't hearing voices. So just quit the routine.
Autism isn't schizophrenia either... I would never expect the kid to work out why he shouldn't do this on his own and anyone who got angry at him for behaving like this would be in the wrong, but apart from the really, really low functioning, autistic people can be made to understand that certain actions aren't ok.
I can't believe what I'm reading in this thread and I can't believe you're being downvoted. Since when did we stop giving a shit about mentally disorders? Did I miss something new the kids are doing these days? Is "buck up and deal with it" the new cure for everything? I'm honestly curious if I missed some social change in the younger ones.
No, part of mental illness is learning when your reactions are hurtful to yourself and others, and to do your best to modify accordingly.
It can be a reason for poor behavior, but is not an excuse. The behaviors need to be addressed and rectified. Coping strategies need to be developed and used. It's difficult, and it takes a lifetime and a lot of effort, but it's what needs to be done.
And, again. Autists can be mentally ill, but autism isn't a mental illness on its own. It's a neurological disorder. Most autists can learn basic social rules like "don't touch people without their permission" and "stop touching people when they request you stop" by their teenage years. Those rules don't come naturally, but they're doable. The things that can and really should be worked around by others are things like sensitivity to sensory stimuli, need for direct, blunt speech, acceptance of stimming, and other things that will help autists cope with everyday living.
Putting up with unwanted, invasive touch is not one of those things.
Correct. Some of the hallmarks of autism are great communication skills and being highly receptive to social cues.
Also they tend to avoid weird repetitive behaviors by nature so this must be a learned trait.
Yeah. There's a reason you're "sapient balanitis".
Autism & Asperger's the latest ways to be an asshole without accountability
Come on now. Autism spectrum disorders (which includes what used to be called Asperger's) are real disorders that cause social deficits and communication difficulties.
That being said, on reddit there's a whole lot of this type of bullshit: "I play video games all day and don't bathe enough and I like STEM and I never go out of comfort zone to interact with people and so I don't have any friends, all of which means I definitely have Asperger's." But most of these people don't have ASDs. They're just awkward and never learned how to interact with people.
I see it with redditors but also kids especially around upper teen to twenties. It's convenient for people to use "I have asperger" as an excuse for poor behavior, that I've started to use it against them. Oh you have it? Me too, so if I'm ever a mean shit to you, it's my condishun and I can't help myself. You just have to deal with it sorry.
You sound lime you're talking about self-diagnosed special snowflakes on Tumblr or something. We're not all like that, honest. I got a proper diagnosis, and I try not to act like an arsehole.
Yea not all are that way and there are many parents in this thread who demonstrate they don't use the diagnosis as an excuse for negligent or inadequate parenting.
What I'm commenting on is those who use their diagnosis as a free pass to be an asshole. Not all fat folks use fatlogic, but the ones who do get called out... pretty much same thing.
Many people are excusing the 14 year old's behavior.
I'm sure some people use it that way.
But autism is a very real thing. It's pretty well established as a mental diseased by the scientific community caused by overvaccinating your kids.
/kidding about that last bit. But it is real.
Autism has to be diagnosed before the age of 3 to be autism, I don't think they're just planning ahead to be assholes at that age.