I was raped...and I liked it (self.confession)

confession

544 ups - 225 downs = 319 votes

It's taken a long while for me to admit this horrible truth about myself. I've been in denial for years and if you'd ever read some of the things I wrote in certain forums on the topic of rape you'd think I was the most militant, uncompromising feminist out there. But this was all a cover up for a reality I couldn't accept: a man forced his penis into me against my will and raped me and I orgasmed from it. My mouth said no but my well lubricated vagina said yes and I have had to deal with these two irreconcilable things for years now.

I hated the thing between my legs for what it did it to me. I wanted nothing to do with it. I dind't even want to wash it in the shower. I hated that when, out of desperation, I did masturbate I could only come when I thought about him that night, pinning me down, pushing my panties aside and forcing himself into me. I cried and told him to stop as I was climaxing. I could feel myself contracting around his penis at the same time I was loudly protesting his violation. He felt it too. He told me I loved it. I hated him for making me come.

I've been drinking some tonight and I finally have the courage to tell the truth. I try to be a strong feminist and hate my rapist for forcing me but I think of that night and I get wet.

I've been careful to only date nice guys but they don't satisfy me. These men have been what every woman is supposed to want. But I don't want them. I want the asshole who kept fucking me even while i was crying, who clamped his hand over my mouth when I yelled for him to stop.

I shouldn't be like this. I hate the hole between my legs. I wish I could just sew it shut and never have to deal with again :(

EDIT: I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded to me and that I feel bad that I can't respond to everyone. I honestly didn't expect this much reaction and please don't be offended if I can't respond. Please know I read what you wrote.

I am very new to reddit. How do you find out when new replies have been posted to older comments. Are you notified somehow? I didnt open this with an email. I am just wondering if you have to go through every nested comment over and over again to find new replies. That doesn't seem very efficient.

167 comments submitted at 06:34:50 on Dec 19, 2013 by jennyfer16

  • [-]
  • custardy
  • 41 Points
  • 13:53:50, 19 December

Have you read this AMA?

IAMA sexual assault therapist discussing when orgasm happens during rape. AMA!

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 12 Points
  • 18:22:40, 19 December

Thank you.

  • [-]
  • porn_theater_refugee
  • 113 Points
  • 07:03:53, 19 December

from what I've read this isn't an uncommon experience.

counseling, hon. good luck!

  • [-]
  • GottaGetToIt
  • 4 Points
  • 22:06:05, 19 December

Hijacking top comment... OP, if you haven't figured it out yet, in your browser on the top right, the little envelope icon will turn "orange-red" when you have a message. Click there to see replies. Clicking the context button will help you see the context if that reply.

If you buy "reddit gold" or someone gives it to you, that will highlight new comments in a thread.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 106 Points
  • 08:57:15, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 14 Points
  • 18:16:51, 19 December

Thank you. Those were very kind words.

  • [-]
  • i_toss_salad
  • 2 Points
  • 12:14:00, 19 December

...

There are lots of people who can help.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -19 Points
  • 19:46:26, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 4 Points
  • 20:00:30, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -12 Points
  • 20:03:02, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 4 Points
  • 20:05:42, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -10 Points
  • 20:13:11, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • LumpieSpacePrincess
  • 177 Points
  • 07:12:14, 19 December

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I can't imagine how betrayed you must feel by your own body. I'm not sure if this helps, but what you're describing isn't uncommon; sometime victims of rape can experience involuntary orgasm. It doesn't mean you deserved what happened to you, or were "asking for it" in anyway, it was a purely physical reaction to a physical stimuli. You're not a bad feminist for replaying the trauma, and the fact that you orgasmed does not make this any less of a violation. Please try to find a therapist who can help you sort this out. Be strong. [internet hug]

  • [-]
  • katchiben
  • 83 Points
  • 08:07:55, 19 December

This. I once heard about a therapist who treated rape victims and used the analogy of eating a lemon. When you eat a lemon your mouth can pucker, your eyes can water, etc. Your body just involuntarily reacts to a stimuli and you do not have to feel guilty for that reaction.

  • [-]
  • mykidisonhere
  • 55 Points
  • 12:48:13, 19 December

I recently read something like this too! The therapist pointed out that our bodies protect ourselves at such times and that's why women get wet. She said it's like an onion making the eyes water. This woman's body protected abrasion from that "blunt instrument" by lubricating just like eye's lubricate themselves around an onion. The therapist went on to say that orgasm can be an involuntary reaction like tickling. I've seen people who HATE being tickled and yet cannot help but laugh when they are. It's involuntary and OP shouldn't feel shame for that.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 11 Points
  • 18:18:51, 19 December

I've read about all that and it did make me feel better at first but I don't know why I fantasize about it. I don't know why they only way I can acheive orgasm is when I think about being raped that night. That's the thing that messes me up inside.

  • [-]
  • krelin
  • 17 Points
  • 20:29:23, 19 December

I dated a girl for a while who had been raped. She also at times fantasized about being dominated and losing control. I always felt like this was her way of owning/conquering that original, horrible moment. Almost like having a nightmare/lucid dream, and creating a positive result from it. I don't think there's anything wrong with you for having conflicting feelings about what happened to you; it's complicated and difficult, and anything you can do that makes it more approachable or manageable is a good thing.

  • [-]
  • scrabblethecat
  • 5 Points
  • 23:25:33, 19 December

It's extremely common for a sexual trauma to result in a fetish/sexual preference based on the trauma. Please see a sex therapist who can help you make sense of all this.

  • [-]
  • pubbs
  • -1 Points
  • 19:36:54, 19 December

Maybe you can accept that you may never know why and accept that it just is how things are and that it doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. To an extent this is like having a pimple at prom. As long as you are focused on your pimple you are going to be preoccupied, worried, and not enjoy it, but if you can accept that it is just something that is, isn't fair, but doesn't detract from the value of who you are, perhaps you can stop focusing on it so much, and actually enjoy your prom.

I suspect that this is similar. If you can stop questioning why so much, and accept that it is just how things are, then you can start to come to terms with how things are and decide how to learn to live with it and also find happiness at the same time.

Things like this change a person. You will never be who you were before, and it is ok to mourn that loss, but at the same time, it is important to have the courage to accept that you are someone new, and get to know that person and what makes them happy, even if it isn't the same as it once was.

  • [-]
  • TThor
  • 15 Points
  • 16:48:58, 19 December

Exactly this. both male and female genitals react involuntarily to stimulation. What this man did to you was awful, he took the feeling of sex and that physical intimacy, and he perverted it with feelings of fear and entrapment, which linger with you to this day, no doubt because of the traumatic nature of the experience. In a way this has conditioned you to associate fear and entrapment with arousal. I would recommend seeking therapy, so that you might be able to work through these difficulties and learn to untie these horrible feelings from sex

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 64 Points
  • 08:09:51, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • Arabian_Knights
  • 22 Points
  • 15:14:57, 19 December

Everyone is ignoring the biggest thing here. Yes such biological reactions are common, but that's not what is traumatizing OP. she is saying that she liked it, not just biologically. She is fantasizing about it during sex and such. There is a huge psychological component to which these comments saying that orgasm is involuntary and etc, while true, do not bear much relevance here. The physiological reaction is not the terrifying part.

Sorry OP, not sure what to tell you other than find a therapist to speak to.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 4 Points
  • 18:22:04, 19 December

Yes. This is exactly it. I am supposed to hate what happened to me and I do in the sense that I know I shouldn't have been violated against my will but the only way I can acheive orgasm is when I remeber that night. I even poisition my body the same way and make the same facial expressions. Sometime I will take my own hand and press it over my mouth like he did.

  • [-]
  • Arabian_Knights
  • 0 Points
  • 18:43:23, 19 December

We should consider that prior to civilization of man, this kind of sexual behavior was probably normal. An evolutionary remnant from times where rape was a primary means of reproduction. Your mind is accessing this "primal" section of our lineage, which naturally arouses you. Of course you were violated against your will in the most egregious fashion, but our sex drives do not account for such things. Pretty controversial stuff, but you can read more here.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -12 Points
  • 15:03:19, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 8 Points
  • 15:29:36, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • tittee
  • 2 Points
  • 05:36:14, 25 December

Username definately suits your situation

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -56 Points
  • 10:26:03, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • frontadmiral
  • 25 Points
  • 10:35:33, 19 December

You really cannot reasonably say that as a fact. Rape is many things, disgusting and evil and wrong and reprehensible, but that doesn't mean it isn't sex.

  • [-]
  • Talran
  • 6 Points
  • 13:33:27, 19 December

Rape is not love.

Rape is not nice.

Rape is not good.

Rape is sex though, terrible and scarring, but sex none the less.

  • [-]
  • JimGunn
  • 19 Points
  • 09:12:55, 19 December

Fantasizing about being raped, especially after actually bring raped, is very common and nothing to be ashamed of. Many women who were never raped share this fantasy as well and have found some relief in acting out rape scenarios with boyfriends or male friends that they trust. You shouldn't be ashamed of your sexuality in any case.

  • [-]
  • ackmon
  • 8 Points
  • 14:31:13, 19 December

This! Find someone a friend, a lover, that you can totally trust and ask them to help you act out a rape scenario. If your fantasy is it being very rough, similar to your experience then tell your partner. Act it out. It is something that can really help you.

I did this years ago for a woman I loved. She had been raped at 16 and had a similar experience as you. It was someone she admired, but he was drunk and ruthless. Her reaction totally confused her as you could imagine at 16.

I met her when she was 20 and I was the first person she told about it. And we talked a lot and I offered to act out her fantasy. It helped her a lot to disconnect her disgust at what the guy did to her and her body's reaction to it. Two TOTALLY different things.

Hope this helps.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 18:29:07, 19 December

Wow. This is one of the more hopeful comments I have read. Thank you. I guess I need to find a boyfriend who understands that and doesn't treat me with kid gloves in this department. But doing with an actual partner kind of freaks me out. I don't know. I just feel locked up with all this in my head and it would definitely be more liberating to be open with someone about it. It's liberating to this right now. Just write about it.

  • [-]
  • ackmon
  • 3 Points
  • 20:35:30, 19 December

It will be a little freaky first time. But keep doing it. That's what will make you better.

Keep talking about it. Keep writing about it. Consider seeing a therapist if you can arrange it.

The girl i mentioned is still a friend of mine and I'm sure she'd be open to discussing it with you via emails or whatever. She's very giving and open.

Let me know.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 18:26:22, 19 December

I know about regular rape fantasy but I have never talked to or read about a woman who was aroused by her own actual attack. It makes me feel like a freak. But that's what I am hoping is that there are others who have had that experience.

  • [-]
  • JimGunn
  • 2 Points
  • 19:49:24, 19 December

I know for sure that there are many other women that have the same experience as yourself. I've personally had a girlfriend & a FWB that both had been raped as a teen or at a young age and then after that were really only fully sexually aroused by a similar rape scenario and we played out scenarios like their original incident (and some others for variety) pretty much every time we had sex.

One other girl I chat with told me that she had experiences replaying rape scenes with her boyfriend and guys she knows but that wasn't real enough because it didn't include the level of force and danger that the real thing had. So she took it to a whole other level by putting herself in situations where she would act vulnerable or drunk and instigate casual acquaintances or strangers to take advantage of her and rape her because simply role playing it with a friend that she knew she was safe with didn't get her off the same way.

  • [-]
  • Ownerjfa
  • 1 Points
  • 11:59:45, 20 December

I'm sorry you went through this. :-( First off, you have no reason to feel disgust with yourself. Nothing you did and what you are doing since is wrong. You are a normal person trying to cope with a horrible, violating crime in which you are the victim.
You've been through something horrible. You deserve to go easy on yourself and trust the human you are. But if I may offer my two cents, Your attack is a turn on for you is because it's your own mind trying to cope with it.
That's a normal thing. The mind is really good at filtering out bad details in all memories. In your case, this is all a way of coping. Remember, that when you are fantasizing about the rape, YOU are in control of the situation, not him. YOU are expressing your sexuality, not him. YOU have every say in the matter, not him.
In other words, you are taking the situation and turning it around to say "I own my body - not you." You may not be saying it to him, but you are saying it to yourself. And saying it to yourself is more important because it's part of the healing.
Basically, don't feel bad about being turned on. Your mind is coping. Be smart and more importantly, be kind to yourself. You really deserve it. hope this helps.

  • [-]
  • mrgostwriter
  • 9 Points
  • 09:52:22, 19 December

NOT your fault. And, by lubricating, your body protected itself from harm. The body survived, you survived and you are amazing for being here. He could have killed you or hurt you badly in lots of ways.

You have NOTHING to feel guilty about.

I am deeply sorry you were attacked in this way.

  • [-]
  • TheWorstThoughts
  • 21 Points
  • 07:54:15, 19 December

There are a lot of good, decent people who have sexual fantasies about non-consensual situations. As a male, I started developing those fantasies of doing it at 19, even though I am not violent, and it made me ashamed...however, eventually it made me curious about why, and how many others shared such fantasies.

The truth is, many do. I've talked with many women who share various non-consensual fantasies. Some were abused or raped. Others were not. In all the people I've known who have confessed it to me, I have seen no pattern.

It was not your fault you were raped. It is not your fault that you fantasize about it. It does not make you less of a strong woman. I know these are empty words coming from some man on the internet, but they are true.

Instead of fighting the feelings, take some time to understand them. Take the mystery away from them, and stop giving them power over you. That will help you stop feeling so ashamed of them.

I hope that helps.

  • [-]
  • WorthlessSloth
  • 24 Points
  • 07:15:00, 19 December

I've never been raped, but I totally get the rape fantasy- you're not the only one to think that way, although I'm sorry for the torment it's caused you.

Point is, you're not alone.

Good luck.

  • [-]
  • FineLikeAPorcupine
  • 0 Points
  • 13:16:29, 19 December

Possibly even she was prone to having rape fantasies so when the two mix that could be even more confusing.

  • [-]
  • DarkJokernj
  • 7 Points
  • 07:03:35, 19 December

Shit...I don't know what to say to this, but I just hope you find some comfort sometime in your life.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 1 Points
  • 18:29:16, 19 December

Thnk you.

  • [-]
  • alleyoooop
  • 23 Points
  • 07:36:38, 19 December

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. The fact that you had an orgasm during the assault isn't something you should hate your body for - the way it was explained to me by a therapist was that it is in fact your body protecting you; the physical response provides lubrication to minimize physical damage from rape. And I generally just think human beings are much more complicated than the way we're allowed to talk about our experiences would have us think.

You can still be a feminist! You are a feminist, you say so yourself... I don't think it's your vagina that dictates your political leanings, it's your mind, and I don't think there should be any conflict in that. Someone who survives sexual assault is entitled to survive any way they need to, and doesn't need to apologize for it. I hope you find someone to talk to who can help you find other ways to survive, too.

Edit: removed last line b/c I forgot to use a throwaway :/

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 1 Points
  • 18:24:46, 19 December

You are right. But you feel like a fraud when you are sexually aroused by the worst crime against women there is. And this isn't rape fantasy. I am aroused by an actual rape that actually happened to me.

  • [-]
  • altrocks
  • 7 Points
  • 09:37:05, 19 December

Along with everyone else, I will repeat that this is a normal reaction that many people have during rape. It's not a sign of anything other than a properly functioning vagina.

Reliving the experience isn't uncommon either. Many people, maybe most, who are traumatized in any number of ways, especially at younger ages, tend to recreate the trauma over and over again throughout their lives because it's familiar, it's imprinted in their minds very strongly, and they're scared of what might happen to their sense of self if that was ever taken away from them. I'm not saying that's what's going on with you, but it's a possibility and one you should explore with a professional counselor who specializes in sexual trauma. It's easier said than done, like most things in life, but you seem to be suffering because of these issues and I don't think you should have to suffer when there is help available. Good luck to you.

  • [-]
  • MyUltraSecretAccount
  • 6 Points
  • 16:32:14, 19 December

You need to find a man who loves you, respects you, cares for you, and connects with you enough to consenually rape you and treat you like an eager whore without ever losing an ounce of that concern or respect for you. Those men exist. Go find one.

  • [-]
  • Achlies
  • 4 Points
  • 17:17:42, 19 December

There are two things happening here.

(1) Your body does not always listen to your head. LOTS of women become aroused when they are raped. Men have obtained erections. Both have orgasmed. It happens. It's surprisingly normal. But no one talks about it because it suggests that they liked it. And they didn't. Your body and your emotional state are very different things. Just because you orgasmed or became aroused it does not mean that you liked the experience.

(2) The reason that you masturbate to thoughts of it is likely because you're trying to get your power back. Rape, for many women, is a situation where they feel powerless and helpless. There's nothing the can do about this horrible person who has decided that your body is worth more to him than it is to you. And when you masturbate to the thought of it, you're essentially giving yourself the power to decide what the experience meant to you. To accept the experience and say, "yes, it was a good time and not devastating," evidenced by the fact that you can orgasm from the thought. AND that, mixed with the fact that your body orgasmed while you were being raped, may be how you're dealing with it.

The reason you want the asshole is the same reason why some women who have been raped seek out the men who raped them in order to have consensual sex - you want the same situation to go down but on your terms. You want to have a say. Because you should have. You should have been able to say no and have it mean something. You shouldn't have to live in a world where 1 out of 6 women are raped in their lifetimes. So how do you deal with this? You seek out the terror and claim it.

You're going to be okay.

You're actually behaving quite understandably.

But you need to seek out therapy.

I wish you the best of luck.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 1 Points
  • 18:43:39, 19 December

Thanks.

  • [-]
  • callmesnake13
  • 5 Points
  • 16:38:07, 19 December

Oh jesus you are about to get the worst pm's of all time.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 5 Points
  • 18:38:18, 19 December

People have actually been nice.

  • [-]
  • callmesnake13
  • 3 Points
  • 19:12:27, 19 December

Maybe it is because it is the holiday season, I'm honestly shocked.

  • [-]
  • code_primate
  • 4 Points
  • 17:25:41, 19 December

I'm not sure if you're primarily upset about your mental or physical response, but I can say this. It is a very common experience for women to experience lubrication/other signs of anticipating sex before being raped. This is generally thought to be a response of the body protecting itself to prevent the damage that would occur, say, if there was no lubrication. So hopefully you can see it as your body trying to protect you rather than betray you. At any rate I'm very sorry you experienced that.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 33 Points
  • 10:54:24, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 15 Points
  • 14:08:30, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • guitardedx69
  • 7 Points
  • 17:29:08, 19 December

I really don't think we're one to judge and make that kind of assumption though. We can never know how a rape victim "should" feel or react to this kind of situation unless we were in her shoes too. Not every rape victim would react in the same way. So glamorizing for you could very much be therapeutic for her.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 18:31:13, 19 December

I didn't think I was glamorizing it at all. I thought i was just saying what happened.

  • [-]
  • HigHog
  • -1 Points
  • 15:56:31, 19 December

If you think this reads like literotica, that she's glamorizing rape, maybe you're the one with the problem.

Edit: Thinking about it, suggesting you have a problem probably isn't something I should do on this subreddit (and I don't really think you have a problem because of one comment you've made). I do however think that OP's post was very disturbing, and am disturbed that people could find it titillating.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 6 Points
  • 18:31:53, 19 December

Good point. Thanks for defending me. I certainly didn;t want to titillate.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 6 Points
  • 11:10:06, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • FineLikeAPorcupine
  • 13 Points
  • 13:17:24, 19 December

The term hole might have just been used out of disgust with herself.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 1 Points
  • 18:37:25, 19 December

There you go. Now you know the truth.

  • [-]
  • MicFury
  • 3 Points
  • 17:17:36, 19 December

My friend calls it all kinds of shit(like her center pocket) so just like I say to my friend all the time you should understand that just because you haven't heard of something doesn't mean anything other than you haven't heard of it before.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 18:37:04, 19 December

I had a break up with a boyfriend (he was not my rapist) and to hurt me he said that all I was was a hole to him. After I was raped that comment came back to me in full force becuase I had to deal with the fact that to my rapist I was nothing but a hole. I was just a thing he fucked. It didn't matter who I was, what my thoughts were, what my feelings were, what my GA was, how kind I treated people, how much I loved my cat...all I was was just a hole to use and when he was done with my hole he was done with me.

Add this to the fact that I am bewilderingly aroused by the event and that's all I feel I am some days. I feel like I am just a hole and even though that makes me feel like shit about myself i evidently like it that way.

  • [-]
  • belindamshort
  • 1 Points
  • 23:06:27, 19 December

Its definitely natural to have these feelings. I'm not surprised that you picked it up from someone saying it. We often view ourselves the way others do after we have been abused.

Have you gotten any help for how you are feeling? Having rape fantasies is okay, but I feel like the other parts of this haven't really been cleansed.

Either way, best of luck.

  • [-]
  • guitardedx69
  • 1 Points
  • 17:31:52, 19 December

As a female with many female friends, I can assure you that many women (including myself and including other feminists) have referred to their vaginas as holes. But we would use that word in a non-serious way.

  • [-]
  • belindamshort
  • 1 Points
  • 23:10:16, 19 December

I've used it in a non serious way too. There's something very dark about referring to your own body in this way in a serious manner.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 18:30:34, 19 December

Wow. Now I feel bad about my writing style. Thanks ;)

Also, how is this not a judgement?

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 0 Points
  • 15:00:57, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 5 Points
  • 15:18:21, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 1 Points
  • 17:32:03, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 5 Points
  • 18:37:50, 19 December

I don't even know what a redpiller is. Is this a Reddit thing?

  • [-]
  • yuckyucky
  • 6 Points
  • 08:29:45, 19 December

you are not responsible for the rape. that guy was an asshole.

it sounds like you feel some guilt for your feelings, but you shouldn't. you were violated and your body responded, and still responds to the thought of it.

as a male my body responded a little bit to your story. i found it hot. that doesn't mean i like rape. it means we are complicated beings. rape is, by definition, bad. one of the bad things it does is confuse us.

you are not a bad person, or a broken person, and you don't like rape. your sexuality is complicated and it's interesting. your sexuality is also very normal.

i'm sorry that happened to you. i don't know you but it seems to me that you are a beautiful person.

EDIT: there are definitely men out there who can force themselves on you/satisfy what is essentially a kink AND be safe and consensual

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 18:40:58, 19 December

Thanks. I guess like when I am one sites like Jezebel and Feministing and all that I feel like the topic of actual rape is just black and white. It is something I am supposed to revile and I do in this intellectual and even emotional way but I am so confused about my own feelings. How am I supposed to call some rapist an evil asshole when I fantasize sexually about the evil asshole who raped me. It just doesn't compute. It is hard.

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 4 Points
  • 19:08:16, 19 December

You are no less a feminist for liking dominant men.
Feminism is about choice, no?
Choice between working and staying at home, the choice between a "nice guy" and a dominant guy.

Without knowing much about you, you don't like that he forced you, but you like the feeling of being in someone else's control.
You can get that with consensual BDSM. Here's a story of how it helped a rape victim.

  • [-]
  • DicksonYamada
  • 5 Points
  • 10:36:31, 19 December

A sexual assault therapist covered this topic in depth in this AMA.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 1 Points
  • 18:41:10, 19 December

Thanks.

  • [-]
  • bekastrange
  • 5 Points
  • 09:49:09, 19 December

Oh sweetie, you haven't done anything wrong.

  • [-]
  • QuebecMeme
  • 2 Points
  • 13:56:02, 19 December

Think of your body as a separate entity, from who you ARE, because it is.

And think how your body was fighting SO HARD to protect you from pain that it swung in the opposite direction.

Then your mind got involved and confused it a little. Oh, mind. Ill work on you.

But remember that your body didn't betray you, nor did you betray yourself.

In fact, the opposite. Your body and mind joined forces and said, Ok this is gonna be bad. Lets protect her. Make her really wet. Block the pain with orgasm. Etc. It is a sad byproduct that it has linked pleasure and that night, but in those moments your mind and womanhood have never been more protective and loving towards you.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 18:43:11, 19 December

I like this explanation. I really do. I need to try real hard to internalize this. Because right now I really hate my vagina most days. it doesn't feel like it is helping me. It feels like it is telling me I am a whore who wanted and deserved to be raped. And it reminds me of this almost every night.

  • [-]
  • QuebecMeme
  • 1 Points
  • 18:53:16, 19 December

Please inbox me. I can explain to u why this is the "right" way for you, and I created this theory from personal experience and use it professionally. I feel very connected to you. You're safe with yourself. You will start to feel it soon. PM me tho k? tightsqueezehug

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 1 Points
  • 21:02:25, 19 December

How do you inbox?

  • [-]
  • NotYetRegistered
  • 2 Points
  • 14:19:29, 19 December

Well, your body just naturally reacted to certain stimuli. Doesn't mean you consented to it.

Might be helpful to go to a therapist to work these feelings out.

  • [-]
  • meierk
  • 2 Points
  • 15:20:13, 19 December

Your body is has its own mind whereas your mind has another. Just because you climaxed or got wet does not in anyway mean that you liked it nor deserved it, OP. The piece of shit that took advantage of you gets what's coming to him. Sending all my love and hugs to you, gf. Keep strong.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 1 Points
  • 18:48:59, 19 December

This is the hardest part for me. I am supposed to love my vagina and celebrate my vagina and all that stuff. But it is hard to love something when it repeatedly tells you it likes the fact that a guy held you down and forced himself into you against your will. I am supposed to hate him for that not have repated orgasms from the memory of itl

  • [-]
  • meierk
  • 2 Points
  • 19:13:07, 19 December

Completely, completely understandable! It's almost like you're fused to the thing that tells the opposite of what you want and feel. Bodies are weird, friend. I commend you for opening up for the first time about this situation. It's only the first step to many more, but remember that you are stronger than what you feel right now. Your feelings, emotions and yes, even bodily reactions are valid.

From one victim to another, again, hugs.

  • [-]
  • everythingisopposite
  • 2 Points
  • 17:04:29, 19 December

If you haven't been to therapy, please do so immediately.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 19:07:51, 19 December

Easier said than done with healthcare these days.

  • [-]
  • everythingisopposite
  • 1 Points
  • 19:28:32, 19 December

Aren't you worth the effort?

  • [-]
  • catiracatira
  • 1 Points
  • 02:05:39, 21 December

If you don't have health insurance, you may be able to find a support group that meets for free? Just want to echo what everyone else is saying: there's nothing wrong with you, and you're no less of a feminist because you get turned on by something you'd rather not, or because you hate the thing that, in some ways, may have attracted violence your way. Good luck and congrats on sharing. Hopefully you'll work through this soon!

  • [-]
  • aleafonthewind2
  • 1 Points
  • 20:22:24, 19 December

Many universities have very liberal sliding scales for payment, if you're in the US.

  • [-]
  • Derp_Stevenson
  • 2 Points
  • 17:21:35, 19 December

You need to get therapy. Not because your feelings are wrong, but you just need to talk about it and learn to understand why you feel the way you do.

Saying no to someone and them still forcing themselves on you means they raped you. Your body can't be controlled sometimes.

If a man is raped, it's not his fault if somebody touching his penis makes him erect and he comes from the stimulation. It'd still be rape, and your case is no different.

As for the fantasies, that's not really uncommon either. And you can take control of that too by dating men who respect you, but also are willing to "get rough" with you in the bedroom, but under your own terms.

  • [-]
  • zedoktar
  • 2 Points
  • 18:52:28, 19 December

I know a few women with similar experiences who are into bdsm now. It provides safe release and can be healing while indulging that craving for domination. With the right partner and some acceptance and forgiveness of yourself it might help.

  • [-]
  • cyberomega
  • 2 Points
  • 18:57:35, 19 December

You should definitely go see a counsellor. You should definitely fell guilty or shame about your bodies response, it's more common than you would believe. Despite your bodies reaction, you still absolutely have the right to say no. Our bodies sometimes crave things we resist because intellectually it would be no good for us to have. That drink you know will lead to more and worse, that food you know doesn't agree with you, those purchases you know will make you broke.

There's no reason in the world to feel guilty about your impulses wanting those things. Very rarely can someone force those other things on you, so it doesn't matter. In this case someone did force you, and it's not your fault. Just because your body reacted a certain way take away the fact that you were saying no. Hate him for not listening, not respecting you and don't hate any part of yourself.

I hope you can work through this and come out on the other side not hating anything of yourself.

  • [-]
  • JMLOddity
  • 2 Points
  • 19:17:36, 19 December

Everyone's already talked about the physiological reaction and and how those responses are just natural reflexes and nothing to be ashamed of. You said what you're most upset about is being turned on by your own assault. I hope this makes sense, but fantasizing about your rape is not unusual. That event was traumatizing, and that trauma may have caused it to be the most striking memory you have related to a sexual encounter. So, maybe when you are turned on, your brain automatically connects it to that event, and vice versa. I'm just guessing here, obviously. But I definitely don't think that how your feeling is wrong. Everyone deals with trauma differently. I think you should see a therapist, because I think they can help you not feel so guilty and live a happier life. Don't feel bad! What you're feeling isn't wrong, and you may not even feel this way in the future. Best of luck to you!

  • [-]
  • Tepoztecatl
  • 2 Points
  • 19:22:54, 19 December

As far as I know, there is no requierement for people that are raped to not enjoy it. Rape is non-consensual sex, your body is going to be aroused on its own if someone touches you sexually, everyone is different and their bodies will react differently. When people claim men cannot be raped, they say it's because if they didn't want it they wouldn't have an erection; now you understand how silly that statement is.

  • [-]
  • FlyBiteRacing
  • 7 Points
  • 09:13:53, 19 December

Well... If I were you this is what I'd do:

  • Get a nice guy.

  • Tell him about your fantasy.

  • Try it out.

And if it doesn't work, just repeat the steps. I just don't think it'd be a good idea to go out and find a pathetic slob that would actually do this against someones will, it makes him a bad person for doing it, not you for enjoying it. But rape fetish is very common, and kind of understandable. And nothing to be ashamed about.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 1 Points
  • 18:44:22, 19 December

Someone else suggested this. It is scary to me but I could see how it might help.

  • [-]
  • Falling_Pies
  • 1 Points
  • 21:12:05, 19 December

Try it out.

I dated a girl for about a year and when she finally told me all about what happened to her (similar to you) and that she had fantasies about it we tried them out.

When we tried she got really scared and had to take a break. After a short pause she wanted to start again immediately. She had an orgasm for the first time since it had happened and she said she felt totally different physically and emotionally.

Fast forward a day or two and she had an orgasm just from foreplay and then another during non role play PIV.

It might not be the same for you but she said once the image of the bastard who violated her was destroyed and she could think about someone who she wanted inside of her everything changed.

Good luck and I hope things get better (:

  • [-]
  • LSatyreD
  • 2 Points
  • 10:14:42, 19 December

Damn, I'm sorry. I wish you the best of luck and would personally recommend seeing a psychiatrist, I realize there is a stigma against doing so most places but at least go for a free consult, if you feel like it isn't for you then you don't have to keep going but at least give it a try. Think of them as a Professional Conversationalist.

  • [-]
  • kooldeela
  • 3 Points
  • 10:22:23, 19 December

Your body reacted as it was supposed to. That's how humans work. Here's an article on arousal during rape discussing the physiology.

Don't beat your vagina up about it. Direct your anger toward that piece of shit scumbag who uses rape as a way at getting back at all the women who have rejected him in his life.

Also, from an evolutionary pov there is a possibility that your vagina self lubricated only to protect itself from injury through unwanted sex... Because basically rape is in our DNA. But nobody wants to admit it. Despite studies like this.

Hope this helps. Edit grammars

  • [-]
  • Deeohdoublejeezy
  • 2 Points
  • 19:22:05, 19 December

It's nothing to be ashamed of. What he did was wrong but you like rough sex. A lot of girls do. Find a nice guy that treats you well but will fuck you hard. They exist; they're out there.

Source: I am one.

  • [-]
  • bogey098
  • 2 Points
  • 07:09:23, 19 December

It is very common for people to feel pleasure from things that should cause them pain. Why do you think so many people are into S and M. I would suggest going to see a psychologist (preferably a liberal one who has some familiarity with Freud) so they can get to the root of why you feel this way and help you channel your sexual desires in a more healthy way.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 25 Points
  • 08:28:36, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • megloface
  • 10 Points
  • 09:18:00, 19 December

I agree. Freud has been largely discredited.

  • [-]
  • tedBundyFetish
  • 6 Points
  • 10:26:18, 19 December

freud was a crack addict who only made theories about men because, and i quote, "Women are immoral creatures and one cannot hope to understand them".......... even though his only "research" subjects were his middle aged female patients.

s + m is not rape, it isnt about the pain its the violation thats causing the hurt and confusion my friend. what this girl needs is two things:

  1. a counsellor/ therapist
  2. to know that rape isnt only opposed by feminists.
  • [-]
  • faaackksake
  • 1 Points
  • 12:40:26, 19 December

i'm so sorry for what you went through, but you should not that orgasm during rape isn't uncommon and it can be a very difficult thing for victims to come to terms with, but it doesn't mean you weren't raped and it doesn't necessarily mean you enjoyed it, rape fantasies etc are quite common among victims as well. you need counselling to deal with these issues, but know that you're not alone and it's really not uncommon. good luck !

  • [-]
  • pubbs
  • 1 Points
  • 16:57:01, 19 December

There are many many parts of our brain that all fit together like a giant puzzle and they all control themselves for the most part without taking the others into account too much. The part of your brain that responded physically did what it was supposed to do, it was working normally, it sensed sexual contact and it triggered pleasurable feelings. This is so that people will find reproduction enjoyable, it helps ensure that our species continues to reproduce.

There is another part of your brain that handles your thoughts though, and another for your emotions. And those parts didn't agree, and now you remember the conflict between the two and find it frustrating and confusing.

Whether or not your body responded has nothing to do with whether or not it was rape. You said no, that's rape, you tried to stop him, that's really definitely rape, he forced himself on you... unquestionably rape.

There's no question of that.

The way your body responded though, it is actually pretty common. We like to think of ourselves as one person, but we are made of so many different pieces all working together to form a whole, and sometimes the pieces do things that we don't find helpful.

The best thing to do at this point is to find a counselor that you trust, and tell them everything. They help people for a living, they can help you. If you don't trust your counselor enough to trust them, or you don't feel like they are treating your problem with respect, get a different one, you don't owe them anything. Find one that works for you.

But the most important thing that you need to know right now is that this happens all the time, and it doesn't mean you wanted it, or enjoyed being raped, all it means is that your body is designed to be able to take pleasure from sex. And sometimes it makes you angry because your brain doesn't want sex or ashamed because you feel betrayed by yourself as well as him, but you need to let go of your guilt, because your body's response doesn't make what he did OK, and it doesn't make it less harmful to you, and it isn't a mark of shame, and it doesn't mean you wanted it. It is just another part of you that he exploited against your will. And that's his fault, not yours.

  • [-]
  • kjuca
  • 1 Points
  • 22:18:04, 19 December

Was it someone you knew?

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 1 Points
  • 02:28:53, 20 December

Yes it was.

  • [-]
  • Fulcro
  • 1 Points
  • 22:42:55, 20 December

I'm guessing this must have happened pretty early in your sexual development or was one of your first experiences. At least, I'd assume that given how much it affected your sexuality.

Brains can be asshoes...

  • [-]
  • jmonsignore
  • 1 Points
  • 05:43:15, 21 December

From what I understand this is a very common thing. Most women do climax when they are raped, it's just a natural reaction. It has nothing to do with you "liking it" or not liking it, you stimulate the nerve endings of the vagina and thats what happens, plain and simple. As for fantasizing about it, it's somewhat natural. Domination in sex can be a real turn on, and the fact that you've experienced first hand means it can make it feel that much more real. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I know that might seem like nothing coming from a stranger on the internet, but its the truth

  • [-]
  • yumy678
  • 1 Points
  • 04:14:31, 27 December

just...yah know confront yourself, deal with your own inner problems, force those problems upon other and they with more or less hate you for it. separate the difference between how you should 'think' and how you want to "think". Whats your definition of "right" eh?

  • [-]
  • spsook
  • 1 Points
  • 21:23:16, 8 January

I know that this conversation is likely over, but I want to give you all the hugs. You're not responsible for how your body reacted or how your limbic system continues to react, and I hope that you, a therapist you trust, and the people you love can parse through these crossed wires in a way that gives you some peace and some joy in your body. <3

  • [-]
  • imfineny
  • 1 Points
  • 17:39:56, 11 January

It sounds like you have a fetish for power transfer. Your virgina doesn't want anything, you want it. This has nothing to do with involuntary reactions, your doing it to yourself at night when you masterbate to it. I know it's not popular to hold women (or anyone) to account for their sexuality, but the best thing you can do given how strongly you like power fetish is come to terms with your desires and explore them in safe environment. I would recommend exploring the bdsm community on reddit and see which situations call to you the most. Hopefully you will stop trying to fight who you are and find a more satisfying sex life.

  • [-]
  • shandzzy
  • 1 Points
  • 02:46:28, 15 January

What everybody else has said: involuntary orgasms can occur during rape.

The other thing I came here to say is that it sounds like you have a separate fetish for rape play. This is a lot more common than you might think and while it can be especially difficult to reconcile as a victim of rape, it's not something to be ashamed of. There is a difference between consensual, safe role play and rape—if you feel comfortable, you can always bring it up to your partners to see if it's something they would be willing to try. Just remember to communicate expectations/boundaries clearly, use safe words, etc. It would probably be a good thing to explore since you appear to be so ashamed of a seemingly "unfeminist" fetish. Look at it this way: the actions of one man should not prevent you from exploring/enjoying your own sexuality without shame, even if it's a bit less than vanilla.

That being said, if you do explore it, I'd advise you to go slowly at first to make sure that the fantasy is more than a fantasy—sometimes acting something out can trigger a lot of bad emotions and possibly anxiety attacks.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 1 Points
  • 14:53:38, 19 December

Its not unusual to cum from rape, but it is unusual for it to be the only satisfying sexual experience you've had.

I suppose rough sex would be traumatic for you because it would bring back memories. But, you wouldn't be the only woman who needs it rough in order to enjoy it.

I'm not a woman, so I can't know what it feels like, but it seems to me that a big part of getting over this is being able to cum consistently from consensual sex. Try to find a guy who is comfortable with experimenting, and perhaps once you find yourself able to cum from being dominated, you can move past it.

You should also realize that while it has nothing to do with your being a woman, sexuality is mostly a genetic thing. That doesn't just mean whether you're gay or not. Genes affect other things too, like the desire to be dominated and taken.

Understand that this is normal, and not something you can change anymore than if you were gay. Just like theres nothing wrong with a gay person and they didn't do anything to be that way, so it is with your situation. Accept that wanting to be dominated in bed doesn't dictate anything about who you are in real life. Submitting to a man in bed doesn't mean you are betraying Women's rights in real life. After all, there are men who want to be tied up, gagged, flogged, and humiliated for sex, but are otherwise normal. Some men get off watching their so's get taken in front of them. And some women get off by having a cock shoved into them against their will.

Its a tricky subject, and I'm sure you can find problems with my wording, but its all semantics. I see already people getting worked up about whether rape is sex. They're just words, you can define them as you like. What matters is not feeling like shit at night and not having to drink to be ok.

All the best to you.

  • [-]
  • the_happy_way
  • 1 Points
  • 20:50:44, 19 December

I was molested by a man 27 years older than me (when I was 14). I spent the next 12 years fantasizing about the way he ate my pussy. I didn't have many partners after that, but nobody was as satisfying as the thought of my molester.

Counselling. It's the only thing that's helped.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 20:54:16, 19 December

Thank you for sharing that. This is closest anecdote I've heard to what I experienced. It's nice to know I am not alone :)

  • [-]
  • chrisimac
  • 0 Points
  • 13:10:16, 19 December

Perhaps it's not about being raped, but about not being 'in control'. The feeling of being overpowered, to know that what is happening to you is NOT under your control may be what is exciting to you. If you are at all shy or self conscious about sex, then the feeling of it happening TO you, not you 'doing it' could be what you find intriguing. It absolves you of all the guilt we often associate with sex. I'm not a psychologist, and I've never been assaulted in any way, but I do find it exciting when my husband throws me around and 'makes' me do things I might never initiate on my own. Now, I trust my husband and know that he would never hurt me and if I seriously tell him to stop, he does, so in reality it's not the same situation, but that feeling of being out of control is something I never experience on my own. I am never able to COMPLETELY 'let go' and so letting someone else take charge, even to the point where it's a bit scary, is good for me. Sex was never discussed when I was a child/teen, and I never felt comfortable asking my parents anything. It wasn't necessarily described as 'dirty', just something nice people didn't talk about, I guess. When I got with my husband, who was much more experienced than me, I often felt conflicted about things that I found enjoyable that, in my limited knowledge, seemed 'strange' or 'unusual'. The feeling that I'm not DOING anything, it's being done TO ME, lets me deal with the feeling that I'm doing something 'wrong'. Now, to be clear, I don't honestly feel that anything done between consenting adults is truly 'wrong', but I sometimes feel a bit confused as in "Gosh, that's kind of strange, am I normal?"

Of course, this is just an opinion. I truly hope you can find peace within yourself regarding this situation. I would agree with most of the other comments and suggest you find someone you can talk to about this, whether an expert or just a trusted friend. Being angry at your body for 'betraying' you, when it is only doing what is designed to do under the circumstances, is akin to being mad at your lungs for hurting and demanding oxygen when you are underwater.

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 0 Points
  • 15:04:26, 19 December

You can find dominant men that won't actually rape you instead of dating men that you aren't interested in.
Look for people interested in BDSM for rape-play if you think you can deal. It's a fairly common fantasy, nothing to be particularly ashamed of.

I assume you're already doing therapy? Because that's definitely needed in your case.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 18:45:55, 19 December

I don't really have enough money for lots of therapy.

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 2 Points
  • 18:51:22, 19 December

Sorry to hear that.
Have you attempted to call rape-hotlines or victim help groups, asked if there's any cheap or free therapy available in your area? That's worth a try.

And again, your fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of. Plenty of women have rape-fantasies and you can consensually act them out. You just discovered yours at a rather inopportune time.

And the orgasming is just a response to certain stimuli, nothing that you can control. That's nothing to be ashamed of either.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -5 Points
  • 18:29:56, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 6 Points
  • 19:06:31, 19 December

What it sounds like you are saying there is that most women just biologically love rape. That back in the old days we just learned to adapt to having men beat down the doors and fuck us against our will.

I can tell you in no uncertain terms that no feminist is going to agree with this and that to subscribe to this notion would be to go against everything I have learned my whole life.

I guess it would explain things for me but I can't accept that right now.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -1 Points
  • 19:12:18, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 20:57:43, 19 December

The reasoning gives me pause but it sounds too much like saying deep down all women just crave being raped.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 2 Points
  • 20:24:25, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 0 Points
  • 20:29:09, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 1 Points
  • 20:43:02, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -1 Points
  • 20:47:49, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 1 Points
  • 20:52:06, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 3 Points
  • 20:58:06, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 1 Points
  • 21:05:23, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 2 Points
  • 21:08:14, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 1 Points
  • 21:11:50, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -10 Points
  • 15:25:10, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 9 Points
  • 15:36:12, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 2 Points
  • 15:45:16, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 0 Points
  • 18:50:10, 19 December

I hope not.

  • [-]
  • takatori
  • 1 Points
  • 19:22:52, 19 December

Happily, I appear to have been wrong.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -1 Points
  • 20:04:07, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 20:51:54, 19 December

Because I didn't want to use the word "wet" there I guess? The reason for including the detail is to point up the fact that my body was responding like it wanted his sex while I was saying no to it.

I thought the point of confessing, well one of the points, was to be honest and detailed about what happened.

That detail may be unnecessary for you but it is something that has tortured me for a very long time.

  • [-]
  • FineLikeAPorcupine
  • 0 Points
  • 13:14:14, 19 December

Pretty sure involuntary orgasmed happens to male rape victims in jail because of hitting the prostate or something like that. You've no reason to feel guilty from this.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -16 Points
  • 08:45:13, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • NCWV
  • 6 Points
  • 15:02:52, 19 December

Thanks for waking us up! You are so clever. Glad to have you around.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -7 Points
  • 17:33:26, 19 December

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 3 Points
  • 18:54:00, 19 December

To call myself a feminist I feel I am supposed to hate my rapist and hate my rape and hate what happened to me.

Instead I think about it at night and masturbate to it. I can only orgasm when I think of it. Particularly when I imagine him saying a particular thing to me as he was raping me.

To call myself a feminist I feel I am supposed to love my vagina. But I don't. I feel betrayed by it. I don't even want to look at it because all it does is make me feel like I am some sort of awful whore who loves the most awful crime against women imgainable.

  • [-]
  • ben0wn4g3
  • 2 Points
  • 01:41:15, 24 December

What did he say?

  • [-]
  • WorksAt_Silph_Co
  • 1 Points
  • 20:24:30, 19 December

No, I don't get this. I don't think you have to be good feminist or even a feminist to harbour ill will towards your rapist. Your statement implies that those who have a non feminist mindset, like/encourage sexual harassment.

As for the arousal part, I've always thought that men and women share a dom/sub relationship sexually, though it might not align with your feminist beliefs.

If it really does trouble you to such an extent, a trip to the therapist might be in order.

  • [-]
  • jennyfer16
  • 2 Points
  • 21:00:17, 19 December

No I do not mean that. And I don't think it has to be taken that way.

If I say I feel like a bad Christian because I don't help the poor and Christians are supposed to help the poor, it doesn't mean that those who aren't Christian encourage being greedy assholes who shouldn't help the less fortunate.

I don't know how you draw that conclusion. I am just saying I feel like a hypocritical fraud.

  • [-]
  • WorksAt_Silph_Co
  • 1 Points
  • 21:05:59, 19 December

Oh, when you put it that way it makes much more sense. Apologies for taking it the wrong way. I'm too sleepy to think straight.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -4 Points
  • 18:20:31, 19 December

[deleted]