Self-confessed nymphomaniac /u/MissTotalSlut created a new account after receiving rape threats. Was she asking for it? /r/funny debates.. (np.reddit.com)
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78 ups - 0 downs = 78 votes
132 comments submitted at 21:27:33 on Dec 3, 2014 by borgosanjacopo
> If everyone was completely honest... oy vey. There would be so much more negativity, racism, sexism, straight up hate...
Classic reddit. "Everyone is a total piece of shit like me, they just aren't honest about it. "
It's racist dogma 101 and it extends to all other bigotry. They believe everyone is secretly as bigoted as they are and it's just a matter of getting them to believe it
If you poke in the right places with these people you might squeeze out a conspiracy theory about how liberals are using political correctness to stifle free speech. They think everyone would be openly racist if it wasn't for some social censorship.
Plus there is already a ton of negativity, racism, sexism, and straight-up hate on this site and it's all applauded as free speech or some shit. It's only the women who are honest and outspoken, especially honest and outspoken about having and enjoying sex, who somehow deserve to have vile things said to them, according to /r/funny.
To me right now this is an important observation. I had read it before but ignored it in hubris. It is shameful for me to admit this. The general tendency especially in the major subs it is very likely that posts by women will get attacked if the poster identifies themselfs as such.
I don't want seem brash so 2examples where there will be more negative attention on women when compared to men:
1: Selfie picture posts. Or another type of picture of OP. With the exception of porn especially gone wild type subs.
2: Comments that such as "as a women". When not being preceded by a post mentioning " as a man". With the exception of female centric subs.
Ignoring this bias previously does seem rather self serving me.
So thank you for your post
~~But I do have to say~~
Edit: struck out useless sentence. Added a "
It's so... I don't know, amazing, that they assume everyone is just as awful as they are.
I don't think that they see them selfs as awful, they see them selfs as normal and so expect at least the majority of others to do the same.
I'm not defending that statement, but honesty isn't always how I feel. I can honestly think my friend is fat, but I feel like a piece of shit for it. Honesty is more complex than lack of filters. And I guess that last statement is pretty contrary to the statement they made.
"Look, I'm not saying it's your fault, but it is your fault so deal with it."
It's not your fault that you receive rape threats, regardless of what you post. (Unless you're on /r/dirtypenpals and and rape threats are your kink or some shit...)
That being said, picking that username does defeat the purpose of making a new account.
I think a lot of people misunderstand what "victim blaming" is and why it's wrong.
If a crime with a victim is brought up, stating things the victim "did wrong" is a shitty thing to do as it removes responsibility from the person actually responsible for the crime, destroys a perceived safe place for the victim, etc.
That being said, if a person is discussing precautions they take to make themselves safer (carrying a knife, carrying a gun, changing a reddit username), it's perfectly fine to tell them if the precaution they're taking isn't going to help.
To provide an extreme example of what seems to be going down here:
"I'm afraid of people assaulting me, that's why I only walk down dark alleyways where I can hide myself."
"That will probably increase your chances of getting assaulted..."
"ARE YOU SAYING I DESERVE TO BE ASSAULTED IF I WALK DOWN A DARK ALLEYWAY"
and you're saying that on a site where half the users are named ADOLFHITLERFUCKSMYBALLS, this woman's username is beyond the pale?
This is a good point, and an important thing to keep in mind when discussing victim blaming, but I don't really think it's what's happening here.
EDIT: I just looked through the thread again, I take back what I said, sorry. You're right.
It's a good thing the rest of reddit isn't like you or I'd have no drama to enjoy.
Even the nicest people start some drama.
Sometimes when some dumb fucking piece of shit comes at you, and you've had a bad day, and you're just looking to fuck someone...
YOU'RE TERRIBLE AT BAKING RAISIN COOKIES BUT I STILL LIKE YOUR PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE COOKIES
This is what a lot of people in this thread are missing. Nobody is saying she deserved those threats. I'm not sure how people got that idea from the comments.
Alternatively:
>"Look, I'm not saying it's your fault, but ~~it is your fault so deal with it.~~ you are a woman. "
Reddit.
I couldn't see anyone in there say it would be her fault, ust that the name wasn't a great decision. Is it towards the end of the comment chain?
I really, really want to be surprised and appalled that your average /r/funny user thinks it's totally acceptable for her to receive rape threats based on her username or sexual proclivities...but no. I'm not.
Someone drinking water when they are thirsty is more surprising.
On reddit, it would surprise me if a thirsty redditor drank water. I would expect code red.
that new lemonade one is pretty good
\> some joke about how Americans are fat and only drink soda
AND EAT CHEESEBURGERS
FFS DON'T GENERALIZE
Not a single person there is saying it's totally acceptable, from which comment exactly did you gather that from?
They're implicitly condoning the practice by saying things like "well, what do you expect with a username like that" and how she shouldn't expect any different. See, I'm drawing a conclusion about this particular group of based on their general attitude. So no, I don't have a direct quote saying it's totally acceptable, which is why I did not originally put that in direct quotes. But it's not hard to look at the overall attitude and see what's going on.
There's actually quite a few people there saying that it's unacceptable, did you scroll down just a bit?
"No one said it justifies them"
"No ones saying its your fault"
"No one is blaming you for receiving rape threats, and it's not right that people are sending them in the first place"
"Nothing justifies rape or rape threats"
Did you not see any of those comments or did you just choose to ignore them?
It's pretty obvious it's not okay to make rape threats, people pointing out that her username is counter-intuitive is really, really not an entire sub saying it's "totally acceptable" to make the threats though.
It's so tiresome how every thread on this sub just turns into a bunch of sweeping statements about how dumb another sub is. In this case it's completely un-founded.
"there are quite a few people saying that rape threats are unacceptable, that's why i'm cutting off the last half of each quote that implies she should expect them because of her username and not get angry about it"
I actually linked to the comments so you could see all of what they were saying with context, but only quoted the parts that were relevant since what I'm trying to argue is that the opinion of the majority on that thread is not that the threats are totally acceptable.
If I was trying to take the comments out of context as you seem to think, why would I link to them?
I see one comment there that says it's unacceptable. Everyone else is just saying "No one here is saying that!" when there's a strong implication that it's her fault.
If I said "Listen it's not your fault you were robbed but you were in a bad part of town late at night walking around waving benjamins and screaming for someone to take your money" I'm not literally saying it's your fault but I clearly think it's your fault.
I find your hypothetical example a bit strange as it seems to agree with the people you're arguing against. If someone told me they were in a bad part of town waving their money and screaming "take my money", I would certainly admonish them for being so stupid to put themselves in that situation. But I would not be excusing the behaviour of the robbers.
Similarly, if someone were to leave their door unlocked with a sign on it saying "gone to work, valuable jewelery inside", I would consider them to be increasing their chances of being robbed. But again, that doesn't mean I would be sanctioning the actions of the robbers.
Surely there must be some situations where telling someone they are increasing their risk of attack doesn't automatically mean condoning the attackers?
There are those situations. Plenty of them. But it is much more fun to look down on people instead while bragging about your own morality.
Just because they start the sentence with "it's not your fault" doesn't excuse the stupidity of the next sentence or two. They are saying she chose the "wrong" name.
There's actually quite a big gap in between thinking that it might be partly her fault that she gets the rape threats and thinking that they're totally acceptable. Why are you so intent on making the leap that by thinking one you also agree with the other?
> There's actually quite a big gap in between thinking that it might be partly her fault that she gets the rape threats and thinking that they're totally acceptable.
there is a big gap and neither one is right. it's not her fault at all and they are not acceptable either.
Saying it's not your fault someone did something wrong to you, but you could have mitigated the risk of that happening is perfectly fine.
Depends on thoughts about human behavior. If you rationalize the behavior of the offender and say something like "it's just something people do" there might be chance that you could promote the behavior. You are at the very least excusing the offender to some degree.
I see nothing to gain from blaming the victim in most situations. There is a chance that the anti social behaviour will still exist anyway so whats the point of normalizing/rationalizing the behavior.
Someone else could see this and think to themselves "See it's human nature/culture I can't help it."
Blame is still all elsewhere, this concerns whether or not you contributed to increasing the risk of your own harm through negligence.
Giving yourself the username you want is not negligence.
> but you could have mitigated the risk of that happening is perfectly fine.
yeah, how dare she admit that she enjoys sex?? she totally had those rape threats coming.
I wish people could debate on this sub without immediately resorting to obnoxious sarcasm.
> I wish people could debate on this sub without immediately resorting to obnoxious sarcasm.
when people say stupid things like "she could have mitigated the risk of rape threats by not admitting she enjoys lots of sex", it's not worth the effort to respond with anything other than sarcasm.
Do you not think that her username will increase the chance she gets them?
If you delete an account because of rape threats it seems a pretty bad decision to make another one that makes you more likely to get them. You don't complain about burglaries and then move into the house next door.
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Why do you quote the above comment in every reply? You just quoted my entire comment, people can already see that.
And that's a silly get out to just say it's not worth the effort, if you want to actually change someone's opinion you're not gonna do that by mocking them.
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exact same logic as blaming rape victims for their choice in clothing. Well, we're not saying it's your FAULT, but you definitely could've done something to avoid it!!
There was also someone comparing rape threats to messages that say someone wants to fuck your mom.
It's their shtick. Bait out this kind of response from the gutter somehow and then misconstrue anything with nuance about it to be apologia. The best way to fight it is to simply become more welcoming of rape every time they do so. They've beat this horse for so long we should outright be for legalizing rape by now.
It's not acceptable for someone to receive rape threats at all, but there are certain precautions one could take because they cannot expect everyone else in this world to be kind.
Nobody deserves to be mugged, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to wear conspicuously expensive clothing and accessories in dangerous parts of town.
Reddit is full of racist, sexist, perverts and all forms of sick-minded people. That doesn't mean people deserve to receive rape threats by being on this forum, but it's not exactly the brightest of ideas to overtly express your promiscuity to the people in these forums either.
So I have to hide my sexuality to not get rape threats. Got it. Makes perfect sense.
>squashedbananas
Sorry, saw your username and thought of penises. BRB sending you 50,000 rape threats. I'd feel bad but it's really your fault, with a username like that ^\s
TIL that because my username isn't literally Total Slut I'm hiding my sexuality.
Actually, what they said was "overtly express." This discussion is outside of usernames. Try to keep up, now!
Get out of here with your rationality, SRD is in mid-jerk.
Ugh, that thread is absolutely disgusting.
So you can't be open about enjoying sex as a woman AT ALL without expecting so many rape threats?
Yeah, and she's the one who needs to make a change.
The post itself was terrible enough
Last time I read about the word slut from the female perspective, I was told that "slut" is a negative word that is used to shame a woman's sexuality and/or promiscuity.
Is the username "MissTotalSlut" taken to be denoting enjoyment of sex, and not as an expression of shame at sexual activity? Even reading http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut-shaming has some stuff from some feminists denouncing calling a woman a slut.
I'm not sure how to take someone calling themselves a slut.
Is it an attempt to "take back the word?
Is it an expression of shame in oneself for being so promiscuous?
Is it a point of pride to describe oneself using a word to identify yourself that is commonly used as a pejorative against you?
I guess i don't quite get how a word that is used to shame should be taken as being open about enjoyment of sex as a woman.
I would also like to say that I don't condone rape threats or abuse or harassment and am not questioning that part of your comment or this post in general. I'm just curious about the particular phrasing you've used.
Yes, sex-positive women will occasionally and facetiously refer to themselves by typically negative words. It's light and silly.
Hmm. Probably lost on most people who have been told not to call people sluts because it shames sexuality. Definitely didn't see it as empowerment/positive/statement of enjoyment.
It's all in the context, her name is silly and obviously positive, so you can assume that's how it's meant.
Or an expression of exasperation of internalization of what other people are telling her, which, after her description of what was happening to her before, is how I took it.
But I get your point. Cheers.
>Definitely didn't see it as empowerment/positive/statement of enjoyment.
Eh, don't the slut-walks fill that category though? Not that they aren't generally mocked, but still ...
>Is it an attempt to "take back the word?
Of course, I don't know exactly what her motivations were, but I would assume that this here is the case, particularly when you look at a previous comment she made in a different thread about being the "slut" in her high school class and being proud of this. Reclaiming the word "slut" in this way is actually prevalent among many Western women. See, for example, Slut Walk.
I have a hard time taking a redditor's opinion seriously when they start talking about the difficulty in giving up karma when they make a new account.
Narcissist? Ok, end of story.
Karma is a concrete representation of your activity on Reddit. It's flawed, it's fickle, it's imaginary points, but I don't see what is so wrong with feeling proud of an old account with lots of karma. :/
It's not like that was her main point, in any case. It doesn't invalidate anything else she says.
It's not even that accurate of a representation of your activity, if you're just as active in a small subreddt as someone in a large one your karma scores will most likely be very different.
I mean, damn, I've only been here a little over a year, and I've effortlessly shitposted my way to ~25k.
>Dude, I wouldn't take the rape threats seriously. Freaking out and going so far as to deleting your account over is making you seem like quite the fool.
Yeah just deal with it. Everyone has to deal with getting rape threats, it's really no big deal. . . Oh wait, yes it is.
Call me old fashioned but I was raised to not rape woman and not to threaten to rape women. It's a pretty easy to understand policy.
Especially that part where they associate mom jokes with rape threats. Just because it's common place in games, it still doesn't make it okay.
This is the part of the thread that actually pissed me off. Most of SRD seems to think people in r/funny are saying she deserved the rape threats - I didn't see that.
What I did see was people calling her stupid and telling her to suck it up and deal. That is fucking bullshit. Rape threats, even over the internet, are horrible behavior and no one should be treating them lightly.
>go back to tumblr... that kind of backwards logic doesnt fly around people with IQ's above 40
"Ha ha, your username indicates you enjoy sex, therefore it's logical you enjoy being threatened with rape! Stupid feminist!"
"Go back to Tumblr" is a hilarious phrase. I can't imagine saying that with any kind of sincerity.
The mention of IQ is a nice touch too.
>No but don't act like an innocent victim when your sitting there saying "oh I'm a slut and I love it". Some guys assume women, particularly promiscuous women, enjoy rape fantasies. She likes the attention but can't handle that back lash. IJS
You want sexual attention? Better be able to handle the rape threats. Also, I didn't know rape fantasies usually included getting rape threats from random people on the Internet.
What I find particularly sad here is how willing a lot of those commenters are to acquiesce to the prevalence of rape threats and other violence on the web. Saying "well, it's the internet, if you pick a promiscuous-sounding username, you're gonna get rape threats" and giving a shrug is the end of the conversation, apparently?
It's sad because the only way to address that problem is to unequivocally condemn this kind of shit regardless of what the victim did, which is obviously a bridge too far for a lot of people.
So /r/funny thinks "likes sex = let's rape"
That's a healthy attitude toward sexuality.
Classic textbook reaction from Reddit. "You were asking for rape threats, with that slutty slutty username".
NO dude. Rape threats are NEVER Ok. How is that so hard to understand? Christ.
No one is asking to be raped, ever. No one deserves to be raped, nor to receive rape threats. How is this still a fucking debate in 2014???
Who said she deserved or asked for it? Serious question because I could have missed it.
All I saw were people saying the username wasn't a great idea if she didn't want any more rape threats.
Blaming the rape threats on her username is saying she's asking for it. Basically saying it's her behavior and choice of username that is causing the rape threats, which is totally missing the point, i.e. no matter your username, your sexual proclivities, whatever--no one deserves rape threats and people shouldn't have to modify their fucking reddit username to avoid receiving abusive PMs.
>Blaming the rape threats on her username is saying she's asking for it.
No it's not. What it's saying is there are shit people on reddit. If rape threats were so horrible on your last username (also, report these to the admins at /r/Reddit.com, they will do something about it) then maybe creating a new account /u/MissTotalSlut just doesn't make sense.
It's like if I'm in a bad area and choose not to lock my car. Not only that, but my car was just stolen, in this exact same spot last week. I didn't deserve it then and I don't deserve it being stolen now. But I would be an idiot not to learn from the experience. You can want the world to be rainbows and unicorns and fluffy puppies all you want. Just don't be fucking shocked if the world, which is slowly becoming a better place, and is a better place than it used to be, isn't perfect. Shit people exist.
Maybe we should just soundly, unequivocally condemn the shit people on reddit who make rape threats, instead of focusing on the victim's behavior. Cuz you know, telling a victim how she's doing something wrong and therefore inviting the harassment is pretty fucked up and does nothing to address the actual problem.
And maybe I shouldn't have to lock my car door. But I'm gonna keep locking it. You can not lock yours and just get mad when someone steals it. I'll still have my car. Because I live in reality.
What does address the actual problem? Remember that nobody here has mind control powers or any such thing. Please explain your solution to me.
>also, report these to the admins at /r/Reddit.com, they will do something about it
No they won't. Cupcake has said in the past they don't ban for rape threats.
Bullshit.
It's really not though. Saying something isn't a good idea is not the same as saying someone deserves something bad to happen to them.
It's like me saying to a friend 'don't go down that alley, sketchy people hang out there' and them him going 'I can go down any alley I want, why should I change how I behave just because sketchy people might mug me.'
If he did it he wouldn't deserve a mugging, but it was still a dumb thing to do. Unfortunately, shitty people exist whether we like it or not.
I dunno, I don't think a woman, or anyone for that matter, should have to hide their sexuality in order to avoid rape threats. I think instead of sending that message--you need to watch what you do and modify your behavior or else people will threaten to rape you, which is clearly what people are saying in that thread and in this one--we should be saying "don't fucking send rape threats to people" end of story.
Why does it have to be one or the other?. We can tell people not to send rape threats and also advise people on how not to encourage them.
And yes, a woman shouldn't have to hide their sexuality in order to avoid rape threats, but we live in a shitty world and unfortunately a username like that could attract the wrong sort of people.
Yeah see, I don't believe there's anything productive or beneficial in a conversation where it's accepted that a victim has done anything to "encourage" rape threats.
The way to fix and work on this problem isn't to tell women to hide, to make sure they never present sexually in any way--it's to say this is fucked up, this shouldn't happen, no matter what, no exceptions.
The thing is however much it shouldn't happen doesn't mean it won't and doesn't mean it is a good idea to further increase the chance of it happening.
>And yes, a woman shouldn't have to hide their sexuality in order to avoid rape threats, but we live in a shitty world and unfortunately a ~~username~~ outfit like that could attract the wrong sort of people.
>Blaming the rape threats on her username is saying she's asking for it.
No it isn't. That's stupid. Today I stubbed my toe because I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and kicked a step. I was not asking to have a stubbed toe. Just because something is the result of your actions doesn't mean you're asking for it or you deserve it. And just because you knew (or suspected) something would happen due to your actions doesn't mean you're wrong for doing it.
Just stop pretending cause is the same thing as fault and 80% of victim blaming will magically disappear.
The threat of rape has always been used as a weapon against female promiscuity, and not even just promiscuity but freedom in general. Misogyny never changes.
Yup. But like, sexism against women is totally over cuz women can drive and vote now, didn't you get the memo?
Plus it never existed anyway because women were totally privileged by chivalry.
If you two keep jerking each other this hard there's going to be a sticky mess.
Yeah, it's a good thing no one in that thread was saying she deserved it or was asking for it.
There's a massive difference between victim blaming and saying "yeah that probably isn't a good thing to be doing".
I yelled at my friend for whipping out his wallet with a $100 bill sticking out on the subway the other day. That shit makes yourself a big fucking target to be followed and mugged. Am I suddenly condoning mugging because I think he should be more careful?
Pointing out waving around you wallet makes you more likely to be mugged doesn't mean I'm OK with mugging. But you shouldn't go and plug your ears and say "WELL IT SHOULDN'T HAPPEN SO I'M GOING TO KEEP DOING IT" then be surprised when yeah, one day you get hospitalized by a street thug.
Comparisons between rape and sexual violence, and theft, are extremely irritating. So I'm not gonna go there.
Focusing on her username as the cause of the rape threats is focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of expressing sympathy, condemning the shitty people who do that kind of thing--no, we better tell this person that she brought it on herself for having "slut" in her username. That's fucked up.
Mugging isn't just theft. Mugging is assaulting your victim then taking their possessions, usually involving beating them until they are unconscious. The victim almost always winds up in a hospital with serious injuries. So yeah, I think comparing a mugging to rape is pretty apt comparison.
Encouraging her to reconsider her username isn't saying she deserves it or makes the rape threats any less shitty. But it's a fact of life you need to protect yourself, because it's next to impossible to stop shitty people from doing shitty things.
"People kept throwing darts at me so I changed my shirt."
"But your new shirt is a target..."
"So? I still don't deserve to have darts thrown at me."
"Yeah, but, why pick a target?"
Dude, don't compare mugging to rape. It's not the same. Mugging is absolutely terrible as well, but it is not on the same level as rape. Just don't.
People in that thread, and in this one, are missing the point. It's a cultural problem, that instead of condemning the shitty people that make those threats and, ya know, actually assault people, we say--well, the victim needs to / should have done this, in order to avoid it. That kind of language, that kind of reaction, does place blame on the victim. Focusing on the victim's behavior and using it as an explanation of the abuse they've received gives the shitty person making rape threats an excuse and justification for doing what they do, whether or not the people saying "you shouldn't use that username" intend for their words to have that effect.
I think there's a difference between blaming the victim for the crime after the fact and warning someone from doing something before something bad happens to them. Unless I'm mistaken, the argument forms over the fact people are questioning her new username (which hasn't prompted any rape threats yet) is likely to cause people to start sending them again. I don't see anything wrong with people saying "You should probably reconsider".
I definitely agree that looking at a victim of a crime (especially rape) and saying "Well you deserved it for being so foolish" does nothing but harm and shifts blame. But there's nothing wrong with encouraging someone to take preventative measures before it happens. It's like the "Never take your eyes off your drink at a party" mentality. Yeah, it sucks drugging drinks is a thing, but you just gotta take those extra steps to defend yourself.
At the same time, if she truly feels it's something that defines her, fuck it, she should keep the username, and nobody should be treating her differently for choosing to do so.
Context of the thread before is that people were implying she made an account just for that comment.
>you were receiving rape threats so you made an account called MissTotalSlut? Seems counterintuitive.
Upvoted by 30+ people. Amazing.
I know. Sometimes reddit just gets it right like that.
so what you're saying is that people generally see a slut and then they .... want to rape them?
Well he's not wrong. She doesn't deserve rape threats, but if she's creating a new account for the specific reason of avoiding rape threats then maybe using the word slut isn't the best choice.
do people send rape threats to users they don't know because of their user name? is that a thing?
Reddit - Thats what you get for being open about your sexuality.
OMG guys I just fapped to that hot celebrity so many times!
There's a lot of posters in this SRD thread who seem to be missing this point as well. Somehow only women need to guard against rape threats by not expressing their sexuality in an overt manner online.
Dae promiscuous women deserve rape?
What is rape culture?
And people wonder why a lot of women grow up to be extremely passive about stating their sexual desires or not even know how their own vagina works.
Yeah, maybe it has something to do with the idea that a woman who enjoys sex deserves universal scorn and disrespect. Just a thought.
fuck the defaults
Context
Oh, that explains a lot. I thought she just felt like sharing for no particular reason.
Assholes aside, I couldn't help but laugh that she included the loss of karma as a grievance.
I don't see what been called misstotalslut has to do with justifying rape threats.
I suppose it is a quality trolling.
God the drama in SRD is my favourite drama. It's so condensed and focused. So many people here for the sole purpose of arguing about gender. Mm.
Hmm, is this person the new account of /u/thatguy989? The timeline of accounts being deleted and made match up. Though I'm not sure if /u/thatguy989 was a man or a woman.
Wait /u/thatguy_989 deleted their account? Ah man I actually enjoyed their posts
Was there any reason behind this or do they just cycle their accounts every now and then?
reception for the funeral is over here
https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditFunerals/comments/2o6ggo/uthatguy989reception/
IDK, it's something I'm trying to figure out too.
They got in an argument in another thread on here, they kept saying how they weren't mad whilst getting really mad and then deleting their entire account. It was pretty funny.
Edit: here's what's left of it http://np.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/2o5wlv/guydropsthefbombin_trollx/cmk1g23?context=3
I didn't see thatguy getting any rape threats
SnapShots: 1, 2, 3 ^[?]
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Confirmed 15 year old.
Source: Complains about losing karma in the same comment about receiving rape threats.
I've been using reddit for years. No rape threats or threats of any kind yet.
That's really interesting and informative. I guess they're not real then.