/r/okcupid debates whether calling "dudes fucking other dudes gross" is a moral judgment (np.reddit.com)
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97 comments submitted at 19:53:44 on Oct 22, 2014 by negasaurus
/r/okcupid debates whether calling "dudes fucking other dudes gross" is a moral judgment (np.reddit.com)
SubredditDrama
29 ups - 0 downs = 29 votes
97 comments submitted at 19:53:44 on Oct 22, 2014 by negasaurus
Person with username "heyfgt" says gay sex is gross, everyone gets upset with someone for saying that's homophobic.
it's actually pronounced hey-f-g-t.
I didn't say gay sex is gross. I said gay sex between men is gross. When it's between women it's simply boring.
what do you find gross/boring about it? I'm straight myself but it doesn't really inspire strong feelings in me either way. Certainly not enough to comment on it anyway
Saying something is gross/boring does not equate to strong feelings, though. I didn't say they are bad people or they deserve to die or shouldn't be allowed to marry or that it even makes me vomit. Gross was the word I used in the moment but if your sensibilities prefer something like 'icky' I'd be okay with using that as an adjective instead.
lol my "sensibilities" are just fine thank you. I was just wondering why you find it gross/boring?
Me too. Maybe I was beat up but a gang of gay guys as a kid and blocked it out of my memory and this is how my repressed, abused brain reacts.
>this is how my repressed, abused brain reacts.
This part sounds accurate.
Why do you think its gross, though? What is so different between lesbian sex and gay sex between men that you are indifferent to one and find the other vomit-inducing? Also, if you have put no thought into why you feel a certain way and still feel the need to add your lizard brain's opinion into a discussion, you're not contributing anything worth listening to.
You don't need a reason to feel a certain way about anything.
Why do you want to leave your feelings unexamined? Just because you have a feeling doesn't make it neutral, or free from criticism.
I never said feelings are neutral or free from criticism. As far as leaving them unexamined, it depends on the specific feeling. Some are worth examining and some are not.
Well, in a literal sense, there is a reason for every feeling you have. You seem to want the feelings of revulsion towards homosexuality left unexamined. Why?
Because they aren't my feelings we are talking about and I have better things to do than sit and analyze the feelings of strangers on the internet. And being grossed out by the visual of two men having sex is not the same thing as feeling revulsion towards homosexuality. My lesbian cousin is disgusted by penis going into a vagina, does that mean she is grossed out by straight people?
I mean, you're still on the internet having a discussion. Why is examining these feelings suddenly off limits. What do you not want up discover? I also have a hard time believing your gay cousin (who I'm sure doesn't live in Canada) would describe two other people having sex as disgusting. She may find a penis inside of her disgusting, but that's a different story.
If you want to sit and examine feelings, go right ahead. My point in my original comment is that there isn't always some big deep meaning behind every feeling.
We don't go "ewww!" at the sight of straight couples kissing like they do to us through, there's clearly a cultural climate that says male homosexuality is the grossest thing ever and dirty, diseased etc. but female homosexuality is actually pretty awesome and desirable and I think the double standard is probably largely due to that bipolar cultural climate we live in as well as the excessive censorship of male homosexuality compared to heterosexuality and female homosexuality in the media, in public etc
You can probably count the times you've seen men kissing on one hand, how many hands would it take to count the amount of times you see heterosexuals kissing? We don't freak out at the thought of heterosexual sex because were already usually heavily desensitised to it before we reach puberty
You don't need a reason to feel a certain way about anything, but if you don't have one keep that feeling to yourself, its useless to anyone but you. If you just say "two dudes having sex is gross" you're being rude, unthoughtful and a bad conversationalist. No one gives a fuck that you think two dudes having sex is gross. If you can't articulate why you feel that way its the same thing as being asked to find the roots of x^2 -2x+1 and yelling 7, because it really FEELS like the right answer. You don't need a reason to feel that way, but we'd appreciate if you would shut the fuck up about it while the rest of the class works on the answer.
There are situations where saying you find gay sex to be gross would be pertinent to the conversation, like saying "I irrationally find gay sex gross and I'd like to change that because I have gay friends with partners who I would like to feel comfortable around," or even "I find gay sex gross because my religion considers it an abomination against god and I think the world would be a better place without it." Just stating that you find it gross, but don't want it to be illegal is useless. It seems like a desperate attempt to justify homophobia with the scantest amount of tolerance.
But the user who made that comment didn't post it here, so he wasn't looking for a discussion with anyone in this thread. All he did here was clarify his statement when another user phrased it incorrectly.
Sure, but in the original thread its off topic and useless as well.
There usually is one, though. Or several.
Never said it was vomit inducing. One makes me feel uncomfortable and icky and the other just fails to arouse me. Gay sex between men is the equivalent of eating a hot pocket, essentially.
>Gay sex between men is the equivalent of eating a hot pocket, essentially.
Convenient and affordable?
Hot and full of sausage
Well gross has the connotation of causing that sort of reaction. But the point still stands: either figure out why you feel that way and decide whether or not you ok with the reason, or stop mentioning it.
Do you find anal sex with a woman gross? What exactly is the source of your VERY vocal protestation to gay male sex?
I'm not protesting it actually. The only thing I was protesting is someone's right to not like it or care for it.
Ok, your very vocal opinion on how disgusting gay male sex is. Why? What is about it that you find so revolting? Do you find anal sex with a woman equally disgusting? If not, what exactly is it about gay male sex you find so revolting?
I never said it disgusted me or that it revolted me. The problem is you're choosing to interpret the meaning and intent. You're wrong. Now, we could argue about that if you really wanted to but I think I know myself better than you and you seem sanctimonious enough that probably think you can convince me otherwise so we can have a similar recursive conversation where you continue to misinterpret me and I tell you that is what you're doing. Problem is, it's late in the day and I've been discussing it. I don't have to explain my opinion to you or help you understand it better. That's on you. Enjoy your anger(or dissatisfaction or disapproval or whatever), though.
What did you mean by "gross" then? You still haven't answered the question about anal sex with a woman either
What part of no don't you understand? I'm not going to have a semantic argument with someone I don't respect enough to allow myself to be annoyed.
What do you mean by gross? Do you find anal sex with a woman gross? If not, why?
Very simple questions
You're kind of rapey, dude.
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I think this is because the word "gross" is so strong and visceral. It's not just saying that it's something you're not in to or does nothing for you/is unattractive; it's a word that conveys revulsion or disgust and has associations with gagging/vomiting etc. In one of your comments above you mentioned someone who "(does) not like it or care for it", which again is pretty separate from "gross", which is much more visceral. Saying inter-racial sex is "gross" is something that used to be very common but nowadays sounds out of place (not that you don't still hear it ofc). Vocally expressing such strong distaste to it is seen as not so ok anymore.
You're redefining the word. And the opposing argument being broached is if it is a moral judgment. Morality is right and wrong, not gross or not gross. You're offended. I get that. I sincerely do not care.
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Oh ok.