Marriage fail, I need help. (self.RedPillWomen)

{RedPillWomen}

16 ups - 11 downs = 5 votes

Several years into my marriage things started falling apart, my husband and I were constantly fighting, very little sex, and we became pretty distant to each other. His issue was the lack of sex yet as much as we talked about it I just wasn't attracted or happy so I wouldn't give it to him. He eventually lost his "wife goggles" and stopped trying all together. He recently found r/theredpill though and is going through great lengths to improve our relationship, he's reading non stop and I love that he is making such an effort. I found an increase attraction to him and things started to get better. Only problem is shortly after he started taking the red pill he caught me cheating. Earlier in our relationship when things were good he was very adventurous and sometimes talked about threesomes or open relationships but he was pretty level headed and said that he knew it took a lot of trust and honesty, making ground rules etc. When I wasn't on board with some of the ideas he'd drop it for then and try again some time later. So after a fight once this year I told him I'd never be able to satisfy his sexual needs and that he should have this open relationship. He told me it was a nice gesture but we'd have to define the rules first, but he wanted to focus more on our relationship, plus he didn't have time because he is a full time student and works part time as well. I went ahead with it anyway essentially making up my own rules as I went. Another problem is he found out too many details. He is upset because it went beyond casual sex, I was blowing off my husband to spend time with the other man. We called each other pet names. I'd be too tired to spend time with my husband but I'd be out at 2 am with the other man and my husband was at work (he works overnight). Even if it were an honest open relationship I still broke rules that he suggested as well as rules I suggested, though we had never come to an agreement on them. I wove a web of lies but he found out and of course I made more lies to cover my ass but he found ways to see past those too.
For some reason even after he found out he is still giving me another chance, he is extremely disappointed in me but is trying to use this as an opportunity to start things over even though he knows it goes against red pill ideology. I can see he has lost a lot of respect for me.
So my question for you red pill women is what can I do? Have I damaged the relationship too far by being selfish? I can see I acted like every woman the red pill describes. I even still "hamster" the situation and have a hard time admitting that I cheated and am mad that he invaded my personal information to find out. I told him I did this to strengthen our relationship and I was honestly hoping he was having extramarital sex too so I could justify my actions. I told him I want to work things out but I find myself saying things like "I'm not sure if I want to do the work it would take to build back your trust" and that makes him livid. Any advice would be much appreciated, my marriage is on the line.

58 comments submitted at 10:46:06 on Aug 1, 2013 by TsarinaM

  • [-]
  • TsarinaM
  • 1 Points
  • 15:05:39, 1 August

He mentioned that he had to hold himself from doing something mean, I know he would never hurt me physically but I have no clue what he is capable of otherwise, especially since I moved to the united states to be with him and have no family here.

  • [-]
  • TempestTcup
  • 8 Points
  • 15:27:25, 1 August

Whoa, did you marry him for a green card?

  • [-]
  • TsarinaM
  • 2 Points
  • 15:29:11, 1 August

No, we knew each other and dated a few years before marriage while I was traveling in the states on a visa.

  • [-]
  • danabanana9
  • 14 Points
  • 16:21:52, 1 August

this is what the "knowledge he would never hurt me" does to women. makes them into ruthless, cheating soulless whores

  • [-]
  • enticingasthatmaybe
  • 1 Points
  • 20:17:17, 1 August

It's a testament to the things people are capable of when there is no promise of mutually assured destruction. People need to know that stepping out of line may very well mean getting their teeth caved in.

  • [-]
  • ss_camaro
  • 1 Points
  • 11:51:17, 2 August

r/NAWALT