Gentlemen, What are your biggest deal breakers? (self.AskReddit)

AskReddit

1782 ups - 943 downs = 839 votes

3573 comments submitted at 22:45:44 on Jan 6, 2014 by coonnfrndz

  • [-]
  • InfamousBrad
  • 54 Points
  • 04:00:39, 7 January

Some decades back, through the Rocky Horror Picture Show shadow cast in my area, I knew this tiny little cute blonde thing in her 20s called, God's mercy on us all, Bubbles. Cute, cheerful, but unattractive to me because she was dumb as a post, thick as a brick all the way through from one ear to the other.

After a year or two, a bunch of us are at a party and I'm drunk enough to forget my audience and I make an incredibly obscure literary pun, one you'd only get if you read classic science fiction, was familiar with German renaissance fairy tales, and knew at least two programming languages. (No, don't ask; I've long since forgotten the joke. Or was it 19th century French literature? I really do forget.)

Bubbles was the only one that laughed. And when she caught me catching her laughing, she looked mortified and ran out on to the balcony.

A few minutes later, I made an excuse to join her. She was smoking, and shaking like a leaf, and she turned to me, and in a voice entirely unlike her normal voice hissed, "If you tell even one person that I'm smart, I will cut you."

I was angry enough about being deceived that I stayed out there until she calmed down, and then before I would promise, I made her explain it to me. And she told me that life sucks when you're short and cute; that the only thing that made it safe for her, let alone tolerable, was if nobody felt threatened by her. She said that she needed to be under-estimated, as a personal safety issue.

I agreed to keep her secret. But I still don't know, after all these years, even after all that my consciousness has been raised about women's personal safety issues, how I feel about it.

  • [-]
  • iOregon
  • 74 Points
  • 07:48:52, 7 January

/r/cringe

  • [-]
  • JacobEvansSP
  • 74 Points
  • 08:18:16, 7 January

Dear lord you come off as wicked pretentious.

  • [-]
  • Dear_Occupant
  • 11 Points
  • 18:48:49, 7 January

That's why I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss this as complete bullshit. I'm sure that's how he remembers it, if it's not how the incident actually went down. I used to go to Rocky Horror showings and I swear I have met an exact clone of this guy. Several, in fact. RHPS tended to attract people with this sort of sense of "humor," many of whom would also find a tedious story like this worth repeating.

  • [-]
  • JacobEvansSP
  • 2 Points
  • 23:16:48, 7 January

Oh trust me, man, I've had the same experience.

  • [-]
  • InfamousBrad
  • -37 Points
  • 09:33:47, 7 January

I think the word you're looking for is "elitist." If so, it's not a new accusation, for whatever it's worth.

  • [-]
  • SwaleEnthusiast
  • 18 Points
  • 11:07:48, 7 January

clearly a troll

  • [-]
  • SorryNotSorry1337
  • 11 Points
  • 19:20:08, 7 January

Don't you burst his...bubble.

  • [-]
  • sqectre
  • 1 Points
  • 00:16:42, 8 January

or, a pretentious elitist. Dear god that was awful.

  • [-]
  • Brobi_WanKenobi
  • 40 Points
  • 15:22:30, 7 January

The neckbeard is strong with this one.

  • [-]
  • EvilSteveDave
  • 40 Points
  • 07:06:30, 7 January

Bullshit.

  • [-]
  • SorryNotSorry1337
  • 5 Points
  • 19:20:17, 7 January

>Bubbleshit

FTFY

  • [-]
  • oss_spy
  • 88 Points
  • 08:08:57, 7 January

/r/thatHappened

  • [-]
  • Positi
  • 12 Points
  • 17:16:00, 7 January

I think we all know what really happened.

  • [-]
  • oss_spy
  • 1 Points
  • 23:20:31, 7 January

I'm pissed that the guy ripped off of my post. I was going to post it this morning but that bastard beat me to it.

  • [-]
  • accidentallywut
  • 40 Points
  • 12:25:27, 7 January

and thus you created the secret society of the only smart people in the room because we once studied french literature and everyone else is stupid and we have to pretend to be on their level

tips fedora

  • [-]
  • haberstance
  • 31 Points
  • 07:12:48, 7 January

I don't believe that happened in reality.

  • [-]
  • esmifra
  • 5 Points
  • 18:22:26, 7 January

Define reality...

  • [-]
  • huck_
  • 13 Points
  • 17:50:40, 7 January

Finding someone who likes the same crap as you doesn't mean either of you is smart.

  • [-]
  • brachiators
  • 13 Points
  • 17:22:24, 7 January

I do not believe this story.

  • [-]
  • DamnDirtyHippie
  • 15 Points
  • 10:44:20, 7 January

I must be missing the part where people thinking she's dumb makes her physically safer...?

  • [-]
  • Lizzipp
  • -5 Points
  • 15:45:30, 7 January

People want to look after you. Plus ... drunk guys are mean. Drunk girls are mean too, but if you get a mean drunk guy who you accidentally embarrass^1, it can end quite unpleasantly.

1: lots of smart people have big egos. I have a big enough ego to say I number myself among them. If there's one thing smart people with big egos do NOT like, it's being corrected or shown up by those they've decided are their intellectual inferiors. Unfortunately, a minority of smart guys automatically consider "females" to be among their intellectual inferiors. And of course some people just dislike you as a person, nothing to do with gender.

  • [-]
  • sekai-31
  • -3 Points
  • 16:36:13, 7 January

Can confirm, have experienced.

  • [-]
  • duffman13jws
  • -2 Points
  • 17:04:10, 7 January

I'm a pretty smart guy myself - I dumb myself down ins social situations with the exception of being around people I know are my intellectual peers so not to be labeled a know-it-all, correcter, or one-upper.

One thing I've determined as I grow up - it's all about knowing your audience and expectation management when dealing with people.

  • [-]
  • InfamousBrad
  • -9 Points
  • 11:20:49, 7 January

I don't entirely get it myself.

  • [-]
  • thecacti
  • 7 Points
  • 23:18:55, 7 January

That's because it's horseshit, Brad.

  • [-]
  • sqectre
  • 3 Points
  • 00:19:14, 8 January

how can you not understand a story you made up entirely yourself?

  • [-]
  • ktwat
  • 3 Points
  • 14:22:49, 7 January

As a short woman who is unafraid of her intellect, I might be able to help. Quite a few guys have this savior-mentality, where they think that they have so much to teach a cute girl or keep her protected at a party or on the street. When that girl is naive and cute, more guys take that stance with her.

Conversely, a girl who stands up for herself and shows off her intellect is considered snobbish, bitchy, or my recent favorite "pseudo-intellectual". That type of woman is generally not seen as attractive and more likely to be verbally attacked and less likely to get the help she would need in the event of an issue.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 20 Points
  • 07:06:34, 7 January

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • InfamousBrad
  • -28 Points
  • 09:39:54, 7 January

Good god, no. Life is not a John Hughes movie, in case you haven't noticed yet.

I hate being lied to. I hate being asked to lie even more, not least of which because I suck at it. And there's nothing endearing about being threatened, even by someone half my size.

We were casual acquaintances before, we stayed casual acquaintances, she moved away a couple of years later, I don't even know anyone (as far as I know) who's even heard from her. She's just a story that, after all these years, I feel a little sad and a little ambivalent about. I'll never know what she was afraid would happen if people found out she was smart. I'll never know what happened to her to convince her she had to do this. I'll never know if she stuck with it, or if she was right.

  • [-]
  • Swazzoo
  • 11 Points
  • 17:19:57, 7 January

Jup you're trolling. I can't believe that so many people fell for this.

  • [-]
  • fangsby
  • 5 Points
  • 20:07:36, 7 January

You're right about one thing thing - you suck at lying.

  • [-]
  • SorryNotSorry1337
  • 9 Points
  • 19:21:19, 7 January

+fedoratip 4201337 euphoria

  • [-]
  • Skate-mental
  • 10 Points
  • 06:33:49, 7 January

Wow man, just... wow

  • [-]
  • Philo_T_Farnsworth
  • 8 Points
  • 19:48:27, 7 January

>a bunch of us are at a party and I'm drunk enough to forget my audience and I make an incredibly obscure literary pun, one you'd only get if you read classic science fiction, was familiar with German renaissance fairy tales, and knew at least two programming languages. (No, don't ask; I've long since forgotten the joke. Or was it 19th century French literature? I really do forget.)

This paragraph made me laugh, and laugh, and laugh...

/r/thathappened thanks you.

  • [-]
  • WorkAccountIDC
  • 6 Points
  • 19:56:26, 7 January

How are people gullible enough to believe this?

You remember all this....but not the joke?

  • [-]
  • sqectre
  • 3 Points
  • 00:24:55, 8 January

It's utterly absurd. "Or was it 19th century French literature? I really do forget."

Sad that people think a story like this will impress someone. Even sadder people have actually been impressed by it.

  • [-]
  • InfamousBrad
  • -2 Points
  • 23:37:44, 7 January

A joke I told and immediately regretted 30 years ago, versus an enigma? Not even a contest.

  • [-]
  • Philo_T_Farnsworth
  • 2 Points
  • 00:43:12, 8 January

Why would you regret a joke that you seemed so proud of in your original story? You found a humorous way to combine classic science fiction, German renaissance fairy tales, and "at least" two programming languages (leading me to wonder which programming languages, or if you are saying that just a general level of competence with programming languages that must require interdisciplinary experience and not just experience with a single platform), and possibly 19th century French literature?

And then you go on to remember the exact words she said to you, her reaction, and countless other really specific details. Yet not the most important one? Literally the linchpin of your bullshit story is missing. You shot for the sun and missed. Big.

And the best part - the best part - is that nobody would be questioning you right now if you'd just made a halfhearted attempt at a lame-ass joke that combined those elements you mentioned in your post into something vaguely humorous.

Look, just admit you made the story up. It's okay. People do stupid shit sometimes. I've done it myself. But I've got the balls to own up to getting caught in a lie and not doubling down on the stupidity.

  • [-]
  • VulvarCancerSucks
  • 14 Points
  • 08:18:11, 7 January

Welcome to the inner workings of the female mind.

Sure we are "equal" to men/ others but there is always the background music playing that says, "he won't like me for me, if I really show my intelligence others will be either turned off or threatened by it.". If they are turned off, I will always be alone, If they feel threatened, I will either be viewed as a massive bitch with an attitude or I will become a target for their hatred/fear.

I'm not trying to go all feminazi on your ass but guys truly do not understand what it is like to be a female in today's society any more than I understand what it is like to be a guy.

  • [-]
  • Methofelis
  • 6 Points
  • 19:05:09, 7 January

Speaking from experience as a woman that has been called out on my love for just learning in general (I'm not touting intelligence, just that I like to know stuff) I have never understood this problem. If they are threatened or don't like it, not my damn issue. Never stopped me from making friends/lovers, and those that were turned off by it were obviously not my type anyway.

Why hide who you are? This seems more an issue for an insecure person (regardless of gender) than just a "woman" thing.

  • [-]
  • ariellecyan
  • 11 Points
  • 17:10:40, 7 January

Lady here, so happy I don't think like that.

  • [-]
  • Station1337
  • 2 Points
  • 18:56:15, 7 January

Yeah....nobody gives a shit if your intelligent. Your allowed to be smart, but from how you're talking I'm sure it comes off as pretentious and condescending. I could be wrong about you, but I've seen it before so this is more of a general message. Watch this video, its comparable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3h6es6zh1c&feature=youtubegdataplayer

There is actually a good message in there.

Nobody cares that your smart, (which is good that's great more power to you) people care that your being an asshole about it, and it's perceived by you that people are intimidated by your intelligence.

  • [-]
  • shay_the_funny_whore
  • 3 Points
  • 21:33:34, 7 January

"I'm not being persecuted, I'm just an asshole"

Beautiful.

  • [-]
  • Station1337
  • 1 Points
  • 21:48:52, 7 January

It's a great message works for so many situations. "Its because I'm (black, gay, intelligent, religious, not religious, etc...), no it's not your just an asshole".

  • [-]
  • meetyouredoom
  • 4 Points
  • 10:37:37, 7 January

I don't think thats a female exclusive thing, just insecurity. A lot of people have that unfortunately.

  • [-]
  • SwaleEnthusiast
  • 3 Points
  • 11:03:35, 7 January

yeah I'm a guy and as a woman I can definitely say I don't think it's exclusive to females

  • [-]
  • Picklebush
  • 7 Points
  • 12:46:52, 7 January

> yeah I'm a guy and as a woman

  • [-]
  • TNTCLRAPE
  • 5 Points
  • 16:52:12, 7 January

Welcome to Thailand.

  • [-]
  • Methofelis
  • 1 Points
  • 19:08:13, 7 January

Nice observation... Picklebush.

  • [-]
  • RustyJoe89
  • 3 Points
  • 14:13:12, 7 January

Wot.

  • [-]
  • Riktrat
  • -3 Points
  • 12:54:07, 7 January

Whats life like as a person without the ability to empathize?

  • [-]
  • Ayn_Rand_Was_Right
  • 1 Points
  • 22:00:00, 7 January

pretty boring, and you miss some things.

  • [-]
  • sqectre
  • 1 Points
  • 00:21:28, 8 January

I am so happy my smart as hell girlfriend doesn't handicap herself with "inner workings" as moronic as that.

  • [-]
  • Syndic
  • 2 Points
  • 12:31:55, 7 January

I do understand that reasoning but as a guy attracted to strong and clever women, I don't agree with it and find it sad.

I guess it's one thing if people don't show their full character all the time, but when they (have to) hide it then this is imho a waste and will lead to live with people who don't value them for who they are. But of course I'm no woman and have no way to test and see how society reacts to intelligence.

  • [-]
  • Secret4gentMan
  • 0 Points
  • 14:03:53, 7 January

Just seems like a case of making bad choices. You should just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

What good is being with someone when you're miserable pretending to be someone you aren't?

Doesn't seem like there's a choice to be made to me.

  • [-]
  • Baxiepie
  • -1 Points
  • 17:05:47, 7 January

This is an issue for many guys as well.

  • [-]
  • leftinleft
  • -3 Points
  • 14:40:20, 7 January

I'm never threatened by a woman's intelligence, but more annoyed with how they portray it. I'm turned on by female body, now what they can or can't do because when it really comes down to it, they will still require me to do something that is necessary where as for me, all they can potentially contribute to me is less work/better style for my day to day life.

  • [-]
  • FuzzyDunlop121
  • 4 Points
  • 20:06:13, 7 January

This is the most fedorable thing I've ever read.

  • [-]
  • cockywocky
  • 5 Points
  • 21:28:36, 7 January

Quite the imagination you have there. Oh ye of the bearded neck.

  • [-]
  • DarnLemons
  • 2 Points
  • 23:50:35, 7 January

Reading this gave me AIDS.

  • [-]
  • morgueanna
  • -12 Points
  • 06:34:57, 7 January

Then she really was dumb after all. Because someone who feels such a strong need to hide who they are to such an extent is pretty stupid.

  • [-]
  • GothicSalad
  • -9 Points
  • 10:02:32, 7 January

God your an idiot, thank God for that ass.

  • [-]
  • soviet1924
  • -5 Points
  • 10:26:37, 7 January

Go to her.

  • [-]
  • lady_ofthe_house
  • -12 Points
  • 07:55:58, 7 January

I like this story

  • [-]
  • Tsmeuoath
  • -13 Points
  • 12:20:08, 7 January

That's just sad...

Also: upvote for fellow RHS performer!

  • [-]
  • Picklebush
  • -13 Points
  • 12:33:16, 7 January

She might have been badly bullied in school or something, she was way over reacting but.. she has a point. Being smart and good looking scares people. Smart and ugly people, and dumb and good looking people, will all resent you.

  • [-]
  • Swazzoo
  • 18 Points
  • 17:20:53, 7 January

She didn't exist, this is obviously fake.

  • [-]
  • meetyouredoom
  • -16 Points
  • 10:39:16, 7 January

I would want to make friends with someone like that. Smart friends seem to be hard to come by these days, and I could always use another despite it being a closeted friendship.